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Very annoyed with my mom


JDMxTeGrA101

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I’m very annoyed with my mom. It seems like she depends on me for everything. I’m 30 years old and work for my stuff and the thing that sucks is I still live at home with her and my siblings but my siblings always go out with friends or go to work and school.

 

I work a full time job but I want to go back to school to get a degree and get a paying better job since my trade is average in pay and I want to move out and at least rent an apartment so I can have my freedom. I’m paying her about 700 dollars a month in rent. Studios and one bedroom apartments in my area are $1600-$1700

 

I don’t mind helping my mom out but she asks for too much and if I don’t do it I feel like a bad son.

 

Things she would ask me:

 

Bring her to places even though the place is only 5 minutes away from the house and she even expects this on my Days off but I refuse cause I want my own time

 

Get her gas

 

Take out the trash etc.

 

Pack her meal for work and walk her to her car at night since she’s scared some stranger will come up to her

 

Today she wanted me to accompany her to bring her car to the mechanic and get a car rental after. I just felt awkward cause everyone at the rental place were all married couples with kids and here I am the 30 year old with his mom. How do I deal with this guys? I feel embarrassed whenever I’m with her alone. She still has my dad but he works 7 days a week.

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I do not find her requests unreasonable. You sound a bit ungrateful and whiny.

 

Why haven't you furthered your education and pursued a better job. You are the only one holding yourself back. Get motivated and grow up!

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you *should* take out the trash. You live there!

 

Today she wanted me to accompany her to bring her car to the mechanic and get a car rental after

 

Drive her to get her rental car. If you needed a ride to the airport or needed to be dropped off to pick up a car - she would do it for you. Is she expected to call someone who doesn't live with her?

 

If you don't want to help your mom out, be like your siblings and make plans for yourself, but taking out the trash and dropping her off to get a rental car (i am sure her car doesn't need to be fixed every month) you should do without pulling a fit. She is your mother. Those two asks are not outrageous.

 

Making her lunch would be a nice thing to do for her, considering you are not even paying half of market value to live somewhere, but if you don't want to, don't. But you might later on wish you ha spent the time someday when your mom is gone.

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My advice is to help your mum as much as you can; how awful would you feel if you refused or had attitude, and she suddenly fell to her death one day, unexpectedly without warning,

 

That's literally what happened to my dad in 2014, one day he was fine, next day he fell, and was dead within 3 days. Bleeding in the brain.

 

I don't mean to sound morbid but such things do happen, and you will forever regret complaining and whining about your mom who isn't asking too much at all. Geez.

 

As for being embarrassed to be seen w her, it's the exact opposite.

 

People will admire you and think what a caring awesome son you are for taking the time to help his mum.

 

That is a fact!

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btw, i can see being embarrassed by your mom being around when you are 14 -- but you are 30 now. How people see you treat your mom - especially if you are looking for someone to date - has a big impact. If you have your own life but show her common courtesy and care it will give you a clue how they will be treated

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Absolutely. I was attracted to my husband because he treated his mother well. Always look at how a man treats his female family members.

btw, i can see being embarrassed by your mom being around when you are 14 -- but you are 30 now. How people see you treat your mom - especially if you are looking for someone to date - has a big impact. If you have your own life but show her common courtesy and care it will give you a clue how they will be treated
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You sound whiny.

 

She's your mother. She raised you. Show your gratitude. You will outlive her and someday you'll miss her terribly. You'll harbor a world of regrets and remorse. Someday, you'll say to yourself, "I should've. I would've. I could've."

 

Drive her even if it's 5 minutes away from home, get her gas, take out the trash and for God sake's be a man and walk your mother to her car to ensure her safety like a good son should! Show respect. Don't be one of those men who disrespect women. We have enough of those jerks in this world already so don't become one of them!

 

Don't be self conscious when helping your mother in public. I admire men who are good to their mothers because it signifies empathy and compassion which are priceless moral character traits.

 

If you're unhappy, get a roommate or roommates to share the rent money every month.

 

A one bedroom apartment in a nice, safe area of my city costs $3400. per month so consider yourself very fortunate. You're getting a steal.

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Agree. Cut the apron strings and get more independent of your mother. She is treating you like a surrogate spouse, very common in neurotic lonely mothers with no partner. Look into a house share and other more affordable living arrangements. Be prepared to take out the trash and do other chores/errands wherever you go, however you live and whoever you live with. There's no free lunch. This isn't so much about money it's about an unhealthy attachment to your mother.

I’m 30 years old.I’m paying her about 700 dollars a month in rent.

Take out the trash etc.

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"I had to take out the trash". That is actually pretty funny! You are a 30-year-old man, you are talking about moving out. I have a news flash for you, when you move out, you have to do chores. If you live alone or with housemates, absolutely you would have to take out the trash, and do all the chores that need to be done - doing the dishes, cleaning, washing, etc. You live there, in a sense you are like a housemate, and you need to pull your weight around the house just like all people who live there. Just because it's your family do you expect other people to always clean up after you?

 

"I'm embarrassed to be seen with her". Um, why? Does she have any physical deformities or does she act embarrassing in public? What is so embarrassing to be out and about with your mother? Isn't it normal to spend time with your parents? I go out with my Mum on a regular basis - coffee, movies, shopping, art gallery, etc. You shouldn't be embarrassed of your parents, unless they are actually doing something legitimately embarrassing.

 

The life you have you have created for yourself. If you want a different life then you'll have to go back to study as you said and pursue your goals. It's not your parents' fault that you can't afford to move out or that you were in that mechanic shop with your Mum and not your wife. You sound immature.

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Thanks for the replies guys, I realized how dumb I am. This is my mother after all and I do love her but I do feel like she’s treating me like her spouse. I just feel like I’m not living the life I want at my age. By this time I would’ve thought I’d have a wife and family of my own now living at my own house but I feel like I’m living like a 21 year old.

 

I definitely have to fix all this. I know if I do better financially, I’ll have a better relationship with my mom. I dreamed of taking her, my dad, and my siblings out to vacations when I got a better paying job.

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I agree spending too much time being comfortable “ until” you reach a magic goal doesn’t work. Nothing like HAVING to rely solely on yourself for your survival makes you grow up and be thankful.

 

Waiting until you reach the magical six figure income is folly . Not everyone makes it there in fact most don’t. You need to grow and make it on your own. And you can’t do that sitting with mom. Get out there and struggle like everyone else.

 

1. Find an apartment .

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You are not living the life you wanted, due to your own inaction. At 30, you should not be living with mommy.

 

Instead of taking the family for a vacation, why don't you focus on getting out of the house and saving for a home. You do not sound very responsible and mature for your age.

 

Have you considered returning to school?

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Thanks for the replies guys, I realized how dumb I am. This is my mother after all and I do love her but I do feel like she’s treating me like her spouse. I just feel like I’m not living the life I want at my age. By this time I would’ve thought I’d have a wife and family of my own now living at my own house but I feel like I’m living like a 21 year old.

 

I definitely have to fix all this. I know if I do better financially, I’ll have a better relationship with my mom. I dreamed of taking her, my dad, and my siblings out to vacations when I got a better paying job.

 

Well -- you can't have a wife an family of your own unless you go out there and date.

I am glad you see the light.

My uncle still goes an cuts my grandmother's tiny lawn even though he doesn't live with her and either he or my mom drives her to doctors appointments where she will get her eyes dilated or otherwise shouldn't drive afterwards or is getting major news and needs support. That's what grownups do.

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Doing stuff for your mom is fine and expected because you live with her. If you can't afford a place on your own, can you try to find a roommate? Or find a place that rents rooms? You'd have more freedom, but don't think that those freedoms won't come with additional responsibilities!

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My advice is to help your mum as much as you can; how awful would you feel if you refused or had attitude, and she suddenly fell to her death one day, unexpectedly without warning,

 

That's literally what happened to my dad in 2014, one day he was fine, next day he fell, and was dead within 3 days. Bleeding in the brain.

 

I don't mean to sound morbid but such things do happen, and you will forever regret complaining and whining about your mom who isn't asking too much at all. Geez.

 

As for being embarrassed to be seen w her, it's the exact opposite.

 

People will admire you and think what a caring awesome son you are for taking the time to help his mum.

 

That is a fact!

 

^^ this

when she's no longer here you will look back and feel embarrassed and guilty that you actually fretted over being seen with her at the car rental place.

 

That's just a little ridiculous

(I have two sons your age)

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I'm not going to tell you how odd you sound because it seems everyone has already done a fairly good job of that and I agree and you have agreed too, OP. I think all of that is on the surface level anyway.

 

The only thing left to say is that I hope things start to get better for you where you begin to feel better about yourself and your life and your job and where you're headed. This always has an overarching effect on how we treat others and how we interpret the world around us. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot really see or love or be present for others around us. That you're annoyed with your mum is natural is you aren't satisfied or happy with the way things are going on with yourself.

 

Find your self-confidence again and find joy in the little things. Start setting realistic goals for yourself and completing them. This will boost your confidence levels and self-esteem. You may not build Rome in a day but you might as well get a head start. Stay positive about yourself and try enjoying your life a bit more. If you're feeling burnt out from your commitments, dedicate a day or half a day just to yourself to unwind and do whatever you please. Learn more about yourself and develop techniques and tricks to keep you engaged. I hope you feel better soon.

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You are not living the life you wanted, due to your own inaction. At 30, you should not be living with mommy.

 

Instead of taking the family for a vacation, why don't you focus on getting out of the house and saving for a home. You do not sound very responsible and mature for your age.

 

Have you considered returning to school?

 

Yeah I’ll Have to agree with you. I found a school but the tuition is going to set me back $80k and that’s going into the medical field. I’m already in debt which is the problem. My life is such a mess

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Doing stuff for your mom is fine and expected because you live with her. If you can't afford a place on your own, can you try to find a roommate? Or find a place that rents rooms? You'd have more freedom, but don't think that those freedoms won't come with additional responsibilities!

 

Yeah I can definitely find a roommate sharing a 2 bedroom apartment but from the search I pulled up, most of them want students or young professionals that’s already advancing in an educational field

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Yeah I can definitely find a roommate sharing a 2 bedroom apartment but from the search I pulled up, most of them want students or young professionals that’s already advancing in an educational field

 

That doesn't sound true. Yes, i can see where a college kid wants another student, but it seems fishy that people only want people who are in the education field. Look at people subletting (they are a grad student and need someone to take over their lease for the summer) and use that reference to find something when its over, look at rooms for rent, studios. or advertise for a roommate and state that you will look for a apartment together. Also "young professional" is usually code for someone with a steady job that does not want to use the apartment as a party pad. also don't just move out hastily, find a place that is closer to work or otherwise offers advantages.

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