Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19

Thread: My bf write songs about his ex that he loved very much!

  1. #11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    You've got more serious problems than a song.

    Honestly, you should break up.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8
    Nickel speed, yes i have... you mean the problem about having children? Or... ?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,864
    Gender
    Male
    The issue here sounds much, much bigger than song lyrics.

    It sounds like you've doubted his feelings for you from the beginning, but for some reason you've continued to invest where other people would move on. That's been your choice, and I think you could stand to do some real thinking about why you're making it.

    Are you so scared of being alone that you're willing to accept a man who says he only has 60 percent of himself to give to a relationship? Do you get off on the idea that maybe, just maybe, you can be the one to crack the code? Do you find damage and emotional unavailability sexy? Did something happen to you where you think this all you deserve? That you don't think your worthy of a quality man?

    Questions worth asking, since what you're describing here is hardly a relationship but a game. I mean, you're 42 and you're about to write a song to see if you can upset him? You're asking him to measure his love for you on a 1-10 scale? This is the stuff for a middle school recess, not a connection between adults. And just like kids in middle school, the result is always the same: more pain, more agony, more confusion, more insecurity.

    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think you need to open your eyes and accept that this has never been the sort of relationship you want. Dude sounds lost and lame, plain and simple. In you he has found someone who enables those qualities, who rewards them by putting up with them.

    Meanwhile, he wants kids—some day. Being a man, that day could be six months from now or 10 years. Regardless, it's not going to be with you, so you already know this has a built in expiration date. What's up with that? Wouldn't you like to be with someone you can envision a future with?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,140
    This sounds awful. You are a filler and he is not in love with you, but likes whar you do for him. You will never be fulfilled Stop listening to what he says, and start following his actions.

    What attracts you to all of this drama? Do you always choose projects?

    Lose this bozo.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-09-2019 at 11:14 AM.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,140
    Originally Posted by anne86
    Carus, well.... he didnt have an option, the ex left him... Im more than 1000% that if HE had an option then he would choose her. Our story is a little complicated, he never ever would have imagine beeing in such a relationship, he was looking for women in the ages of 18-25... No children etc... but he got in love with me because of How much i gave him... its not a choice... he havent yet decided if he wants to commit himself with me..Im still waiting....he wants me by his side until he knows if he wants to be with me...
    "Im more than 1000% that if HE had an option then he would choose her." And, you stick around. This is unbelievable!

    You are waiting for him to decide if he wants to be with you after two years, as he still pines for his ex. What the heck! Where is your self esteem! You are also not thinking about how this affects your kids. You should be with someone who actually loves you and knows that that want to be with you. It is sad that you treat yourself in this manner!

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8
    Bluecastle, youre right! It is a level of teenagers, but its the only level you can talk to him. A little background about him: for aprx 14 years ago the family went through a tragedy ( he lost his only younger sister , 21 years, in a car accident)! Since that time the family went totally down. Two years after he decided to find a woman and settle down. Girl after girl.. left him... all for the same reason: they never felt he really loved them. The two latest women also married another man while beeing in exactly same relationship as we are now! After the last woman he gave up on life totally. From beeing a millionare to not having enough money to pay the rent. From beeing a Well known musican to not get isolated. He lost dreams. He lost hope. He Lost him self. He was extremly depressed, and he stil is, but a little bit better on. As if that wouldnt be enough, his mother is a serious narcissist, and has a totally controll over him. He cant even have sex like he wants, cause she finds out everything and bombs him! He cant marry who he wants, she decides for him. Since i came into his life much has changed to his better, i have helped him emotionally, mentally, financially..... of course his mother Said that if he marries me she Will commit suicide. So, he went to his parents place, broke their furnitures, called them names he never Said before to anyone and told his mother; i dont want to know you, youre not my mother, and if you die, then die! And left. That was about 6-7 months ago. He is still in No contact with her. He tells me always that he loves me, he says Im his life and his soul. He spend all days with me. And ofcourse he did a few songs about me/us too.,,, but that is all he ever did to/for me. When I try to leave him he litterary breaks down... cries for days... doesnt sleep... he is really devistated. He beg me not to leave him. He cant bear the thought of not having me. Once he cried like a little boy and asked God why he is the way he is! Whats Wrong with him! He knows that something is Wrong,! But dont know what it is. He is also autistic.

    Well, me..... Whats my problem? Since Ive Been 4 years old i was the One who was to
    Fix everything and Take care of everything! And yes! I raised up 3 grown up children by my self, run my own business, looking after the rest of my family, there is always me! And ofcourse Im proud about my self managing all that..... but what i understand of it is that i fall in love with men who needs to be fixed, a project....and that is why Im still with him.... cause I rather break my own heart just to Keep his safe❤️
    Last edited by anne86; 05-09-2019 at 02:32 PM. Reason: Forgot one to write one thing

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,140
    You are co dependent. You seek projects. Very unhealthy! Get some therapy.

    He could have sought therapy, years ago. He did not. He is messed up and will not change.

    Leave this guy and get the help you need!

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8
    Hollyj, yes i think i am a co- dependent. And yes he is messed up. And yes, i Will leave him. Thats the only right thing to do. Thanks for taking your time...

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,140
    Please look into CODA.org. They also have free support groups.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •