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Thread: Am I overreacting?

  1. #1

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    May 2019
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    Am I overreacting?

    So, my fiance has been known to entertain other women flirting with him. Sometimes I'll be clearly uncomfortable, and he'll tell me just to "let it go."

    There was a time when a random girl started messaging him on Facebook telling him how sexy he was and how I better watch out because I wouldn't "want him to get stolen." To me, that was really disrespectful, and I would've cut it off. He just let it go and kept talking to her...she kept making the same type of comments over and over. Then he sends her pictures of him and his daughter at her school dance. That's when I was like "no. This needs to stop." He did respect my wishes and blocked her. But, I was irritated that he let it get to that point in the first place. If a guy keeps making sexually suggestive comments to me and rude comments about my fiance, I'm not going to continue the conversation and then SEND PICS.

    A couple of similar situations have occurred with what I believe are lines being crossed. Him letting women smack his rear, stroke his beard, make suggestive comments...until I step up and am like "please stop."

    So yesterday, he tells me that the girl that works at the gas station next to our house has a "thing" for him. He says he sees her every morning and she flirts with him. I guess yesterday she asked him if he was "single or taken?" He says he replied "taken" and then she asked "well...how taken?"

    IMO, that was a gross question. Like "would you be willing to cheat?"

    He claims to have told her he was engaged. But, I honestly can't quit thinking about it. Mostly because he says he sees her every morning on the way to work. It's just bothering me. Because I know he'll let crap ride because he just likes the attention. I haven't voiced any of this to him, because I don't want to come across as insecure or crazy.

    Then I noticed he has our relationship status hidden on Facebook. Granted, I am in his profile picture. I asked him about it and he immediately went and changed it, sent me a screenshot, and said "idk, this is how it looks on my end."

    I just don't know what to think. Am I being paranoid? I have been cheated on before, so maybe I'm overreacting.

  2. #2
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    You have a right to feel whatever it is that you feel. I think that most people would feel upset if their partner allowed others to continually cross inappropriate boundaries in exchange for an ego boost.

    Bottom line, your fiancee is unable to recognize and set appropriate boundaries when it comes to other women. Yes, it's likely that he does so because he enjoys the attention and it gives him an ego boost. Unfortunately, his way of getting attention comes at the cost of hurting your feelings. If he is well-aware of this, and he doesn't care and continues to do it anyway, then it is extremely unlikely that he will ever change this behavior.

    Ultimately, you cannot change your fiancee nor control his actions. You can only control yourself. So, here are some options within your control:

    1. Accept that your fiancee enjoys the attention of other women and will egg them on in order to get an ego boost. Learn to live with it and accept that he will not change.

    2. Have a sit-down discussion with your fiancee and inform him that this behavior needs to end. Either he learns to recognize and set appropriate boundaries (if he doesn't know how, point him in the direction of a good therapist) OR, the two of you are done. Give him this ultimatum and stick to it.


    You either accept your fiancee as he is or you don't. If you don't accept him and if he will not change, then your best option is to leave. You will never be happy in a relationship in which you are not fully accepting of your partner.

  3. #3
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    You're not being paranoid.

    Is there any reason for you to think that flirting is the furthest he'd go? Or do you think he'll actually sleep with someone else if given the right set of circumstances?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    To spoof a song: 'If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty man part of your life.'

    Op: Why did he have a need to tell you about the gas station hussy? "How taken" indeed!

    I think it's time you stopped acting like the cool chick and talk to him about how his interaction with women is affecting you. It's bothering you so much you've started a thread to get advice about it so stop acting the cool chick and communicate to him your true feelings. Let us know what he has to say when you confess your reality.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your bf sounds like quite the braggart who like to taunt and boast at your expense. It's unclear what the appeal of someone so arrogant and immature is.


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