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Thread: She said they only kissed but my gut says otherwise

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    She said they only kissed but my gut says otherwise

    My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have 3 kids together. My wife started working out last year to get rid of the baby weight from the last pregnancy. My cousin (by marriage) is in pretty good shape offered to give her some pointers. He would only go with her to the gym maybe once or twice a month. It turned into 3 to 4 times a week which sounds suspicious but they had signed up for one of those mud runs. I've seen the video advertisement for and are pretty intense. I started getting suspicious around the end of last year. She said that she didn't really see what I was talking about and considered him like a brother. Fast forward to last week. I picked up her phone while she was asleep to see if she had saved and screenshots of things she wanted, which she is know to do and we don't always get to share with each other things since we both work full time jobs and have 3 kids.
    Anyways when I unlocked her phone her Instagram messages were open between her and my cousin. There was talk of him missing her lips on his. Talk of her having a pregnancy scare (I've been fixed and tested and 100% sterile) and being sad about it and his response was I'm sad too. I would love to marry you and have a child with you. When I confronted her about all this she said it meant nothing and that they only kissed once and it was only for a second. He confirmed the same and said that's all they did. My gut and the messages back and forth tell me otherwise. Any help here would be greatly appreciated. She is my best friend and I want to believe her but I just can't get past the feeling of still being lied to.
    Oh and the morning I confronted her she called him while I was out getting breakfast and they had about a 3 min talk. About what is anyone's guess. She wouldn't admit she called him that morning and made up a lie about must have accidentally left a voice mail. She didn't come clean until I told her that he told me that she called to worn him that I caught them.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Based on what you wrote, I agree she's been cheating for awhile and seems to have no intention to stopping. Document everything and get a lawyer. Unless you're willing to accept her sneaking behind your back and sleeping with your cousin, it is time to get a divorce and work out how to take care of your child/children.

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    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    I am sorry about what you are going through, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Honestly it sounds to me like you are in denial about her affair which by the messages sounds very obvious. If you want to save your marriage you must put this cousin in his place and getting him to stop contacting her immediately, no more gym buddies, even a kiss is crossing the line and he does not respect you. You and your wife need to go to counselling together, there is no way around it. You have 3 beautiful children to think about and it sounds like you truly love her, counselling is worth a try.

    Best of luck.

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    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    Based on what you wrote, I agree she's been cheating for awhile and seems to have no intention to stopping. Document everything and get a lawyer. Unless you're willing to accept her sneaking behind your back and sleeping with your cousin, it is time to get a divorce and work out how to take care of your child/children.
    I second that too! Legal advice and document everything in case she doesnt agree to counselling

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Afireblue
    I second that too! Legal advice and document everything in case she doesnt agree to counselling
    I agree with the above comments.
    Can't add anything further than - I am sorry.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It doesn't sound good. I too am sorry for what you're going through. She doesn't sound truthful or willing to communicate with you most likely out of fear for herself (her future) and her kids. You might want rethink what your cousin tells you as he can't be trusted either since he's implicated himself. Watch out for yourself in this he said/she said game. Take care.

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    At risk of not seeing the forest for the trees... you did break into her phone. In my opinion, your suspicion was 100% warranted, but snooping and violating your partner's privacy isn't ok. Point being it would seem you each have some issues.

    What was the state of the marriage before this started? What do you believe may have led her to have this affair?

    If you (and her) both want the marriage to recover, it absolutely can. Many would say otherwise, but it is possible. Seeking counseling is a great start, good on you for that. But I'll echo what others have said - protect yourself. Legally, financially, and emotionally, because it's going to be a long road whether or not it works out in the end.

    I'm sorry for what you're going through, keep your head up.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    You already know what's going on. I'm sorry this happened. But to be fair, you knew what you'd find when you went through her phone. The question is, what are you going to do now?

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    I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s utterly messed up. She sounds like a pathological liar and I wouldn’t believe anything she’s said. Talking about marriage and pregnancy scare they’ve definitely slept together. Poor you, but I agree with the others about documentation and getting a lawyer

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP this is super sad news, my heart goes out to you... your life is forever changed as a result of this information no matter what you decide to do.

    Focus on getting the help you need right now... you will get through this.

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