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Thread: Am I wasting time?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Well, as long as this is how you self-identify you are bound to connect with others who feel their life, too, is a mess.

    And, well, it can get messy.
    Yup, like attracts like.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MichaelS1977
    I should clarify:

    Her ex is an ex boyfriend, not ex husband. They were never married, but they do own the house together. Both of their names are on the mortgage.

    Also, I was understanding at first,, because my ex wife and I split very amicably and remained friendly afterwards. We did not own a home, we rented, so it was an easier situation although we did live together for a bit afterwards.

    Also, my life is a mess. This should be a sitcom.
    Well then....get a bucket, grab a mop.....

    All joking aside, life is a mess because you are making poor choices, so the serious message here is get a grip and start making different choices. Take action. This woman you got involved is not single, not available and you've known this for quite some time. Lesson learned - next time someone isn't fully separated, you walk immediately. Who care is she is hot, fun, whatever. This is where you exercise common sense sensibility, opt to look at things objectively and step away politely with "I'd love to get to know you more so please call me when you are fully separated from your ex and free to explore another relationship. If/when you get there, feel free to call me." and then you walk away and date others.

    Whatever else is going on - same thing. Stop waiting and start making better decisions. Take action one step one day at a time to turn your life from mess to solidly good.

  3. #23
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    The "my life is a mess" part was self-deprecating humor. Not serious.

    Thanks for all the advice, guys and ladies. You've given me a lot to think about. Keep it coming!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I get that it was humor, but I don't think you were totally joking. This part of your life—well, it is a bit messy, and it takes two to make a mess.

    I completely understand the urge to be, well, understanding. But there's a fine line between being understanding and projecting—or even using a new situation to make sense of a past situation.

    You lived with your ex-wife for a bit after the divorce—cool, whatever. That worked however it worked, or didn't. Point being, that's where you once were, not where you are today, so why go backwards?

    I've made a number of choices romantically to get me where I am today, some wiser than others, and all have informed a level of compassion for the choices others make, including some pretty awful ones. But just because I maybe strung someone along when I was, say, 27 doesn't mean I want to be "understanding" of someone stringing me along today at 39.

    Sometimes we get involved with people who don't pan out but who open us up. My gut says that's what this sorta relationship might be for both of you—a bittersweet thing to consider, I know, but also a path toward real sweetness that you don't need to dream about because it's just happening in reality.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem to be quite casual about your idea of what a total package means in a partner so I'm going to apply a casual standard to your scenario. It's not going to help if I come at you from a lock down/marriage perspective. You're single, ready to mingle, found someone fun and on the same wavelength at your age. I get it. Move cautiously and have your fun. Expecting anything more than that is beyond you at this point because it might not be what you're looking for.

    For what it's worth, at the basic level that it's at, I'd say go ahead and have your fun. This isn't going to progress anywhere and neither of you are hurting anyone. You don't seem hurried or bothered about her living situation or her availability. So who cares what else anyone thinks? You're just wasting your time and debating what you're doing seems like just something to do when you're bored. Enjoy.

  7. #26
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    It's blatantly clear she's not single. People don't live with exes for ages nor do they stay and renovate a house together. She only lives and hour and half away...Uh that's not far. You need to back off from this because she's cheating on her partner with you.

  8. #27
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    MichaelS, may I ask how you met her?

    I presume on line, was it on FB or an online dating site?

    Who contacted who first?

    Since you're long distance (sort of) I've got a theory about that, which I will share after you answer the questions..

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    MichaelS, may I ask how you met her?

    I presume on line, was it on FB or an online dating site?

    Who contacted who first?

    Since you're long distance (sort of) I've got a theory about that, which I will share after you answer the questions..
    I met her on FB. We are both members of few groups. I contacted her first.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How long has her divorce been finalized?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    How long has her divorce been finalized?
    She isn't married. Living with her bf where they share house and mortgage and supposedly are renovating the house to sell later. It's been a year and still status quo re living arrangements. Not to mention, living only 1.5 hours from the OP, she's only managed to see him a few times in this whole time. I don't think this woman is single and I don't think her bf knows he is an "ex".... 1.5 hours is not a big distance to make time to see the OP, develop a relationship, stay over the weekends eventually and so on...normal progression of a relationship if she were actually single and available. Explaining to your bf why you are traveling to a different town on a regular basis, going away for weekends is much more complicated......

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