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Thread: So lonely I could die

  1. #1

    So lonely I could die

    I just feel like I need someone to talk to. I left a toxic relationship I had been in for over 25 years, 2 years ago but Iím struggling dealing with the the loneliness- anyone else been in this type of situation? I just donít know where to begin

  2. #2
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I do understand, because abusers make sure you are alienated from friends and family to have complete control over you. Have you sought out therapy? There are women's crisis hotlines that can get you help. They can set you up with group therapy sessions which are free to anyone. There you will be able to talk to others that are facing the same struggles. If you have trouble finding something like that in your area, go to a family planning/women's clinic, they can give you the info you need or you can talk to a health care professional. It's a place to start. But by all means hang out here if you want to talk about anything in particular. I have experienced being in an abusive relationship..one with my mother, and the other with an ex BF when I was 15. Took my stupid young brain 2 years to figure it out that things were bad/never going to change and I had to kick him to the curb. I never had any help because teenagers in violent relationships wasn't known back then.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Anonymousc
    I just feel like I need someone to talk to. I left a toxic relationship I had been in for over 25 years, 2 years ago but Iím struggling dealing with the the loneliness- anyone else been in this type of situation? I just donít know where to begin
    I definitely do. I think loneliness is one of the hardest feelings to deal with and is a direct result of us separating ourselves from the rest of the world. Therapy can help you understand why you do this... for me it's related to the "bad" thoughts in my head... the ones that say "no one likes you, you are a burden, you have no friends, etc." and I have had to learn tools to deal with and overcome those bad thoughts so that I can build connection.

    To build connection, seek opportunities to do things that bring you happiness with other people. Don't allow yourself to sit at home and isolate... get out and be around people, even if it's just sitting at a local cafe and getting to know the regulars, or seeking out a spiritual connection with others through church or meditation circles or yoga. Reach out to friends and family.

    Last but not least... remember that loneliness is just a feeling. It can't hurt you unless you let it and if you take care of yourself it will pass like every other feeling.

    You won't want to do any of this... you have to use mind over matter because those self-doubts will get in your way... I can assure you that if you take little steps forward you will feel better day by day.

  4. #4
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    If it helps, feel free to talk about your previous relationship here. Some outside insight might help you get things off your chest and realize it wasn't at all what it was cracked up to be.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Hang in there. It gets better with time but you'll have to want that for yourself. It doesn't come rolling out on a red carpet peppered with roses. It's a hike and sometimes it's not so great, other times you'll have the time of your life. Eventually you will plateau and find your happiness independently. I can only suggest focusing on your hobbies and interests and developing your identity further.

    When we've been in long term relationships that have ended, sometimes that identity corrodes over time or gets rusty. We forget a lot about ourselves and what we're about. It's about learning about yourself all over again and living a new reality, new and improved. Again, you'll have to want it for yourself. It doesn't come pre-fab nor does it pop up conveniently. Get out there and don't wallow. If you are in poor health, fix it and find what works for you. Find your passions again. Good luck.

  7. #6
    Yes I go to a therapist, I guess I still isolate myself, it seems like the few friends I have just donít have time

  8. #7
    Oh I donít want my old relationship back, there is nothing there for me. I just donít want to feel lonely

  9. #8
    Iíd been with him since I was 15 years old, I really donít know my identity or interests other than being a mother. I guess I need to figure that out somehow

  10. #9
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    My heart goes out to you. I'm in a similar situation. He said he wanted a divorce a year ago (the day before Mother's Day, no less) after 29 years of marriage. He was verbally/emotionally abusive and disrespectful. There were some good times also; I won't deny that. But, he threw me to the curb (long story as to why). All our mutual friends turned their backs to me. Granted, they are the spouses or girlfriends of people with whom he works, so they may feel uncomfortable. I get it but, if they were genuine friends, they would not have done that. That said, I have three friends that talk to me on occasion. Rarely, actually.

    I find that I am oftentimes lonely but I have no desire to go out there and meet people. I don't want to see nor talk to anyone except my family. Not yet, because I still need time to heal. Who knows how long it will take? I do have my two adult sons, my brother and his wife, my ex MIL and my ex SIL who have comforted me and supported me through my darkest moments. I also have a friend on here who has been extraordinary. This person (whom I obviously never met IRL) has given me such comfort and peace. I know we have to go through the grieving process but I imagine that, at some point, I will get the urge to meet people via Meetup groups. In the meantime, I busy myself by making handmade cards and I am on the design team for two artists. This keeps me busy and I enjoy it very much but the hours in a day are long but sometimes I don't know what to do with myself.. I have my good days and my bad days but I am clearly making progress.

    Do you have any hobbies or interests? Have you joined any Meetup groups? Try some; you might like them.

    I realise that how I feel is normal for me and I hope that I will snap out of it soon. Maybe the nice weather will act as a catalyst for encouraging me to go out other than to the supermarket. As I am writing this, it sounds so pathetic and sad, right? But, it is what it is. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. With time, and great effort on your part, you will get out of this lonely state of being.

    Remember this: each one of us is responsible for our own happiness. Take comfort in knowing that time is the key as well. Focus on all the good that you have in your life. It will take a long time to heal after being with someone for over 25 years. So, there are two choices here: you can either wallow in this state of loneliness or you can do something about it. YOU, and only you have that power, OP. Finally, realise that you are definitely not alone. You have plenty of company so don't fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, OK?. Please continue to write on here. These people are so helpful and supportive. They can empathise with you. I wish you all the best.
    Last edited by goddess; 05-08-2019 at 04:54 PM.

  11. #10

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    u are most amazing with that been said , i have been lonely for eight months as well, tried online dating and it just seems so hard to find that woman

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