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Thread: rape? assault? nothing?? feeling sick

  1. #1
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    rape? assault? nothing?? feeling sick

    Hi everyone, as some of you might remember, I posted last week about my best friend's marriage problems. I have read, and reread, all of the replies and they were really helpful. However something happened on monday night that I found out about last night. It is making me sick.

    They were in bed and he was pushing to have sex with her. She didn't want it and kept saying no. As she was asserting this he climbed on top of her. As he was on top of her she consented but said that he is not to touch her breasts or butt and to leave them covered. He told her she is his wife and that this is weird sex. He then pulled her nightgown down and touched her breasts after she tried to fend him off doing so. He also pinned her hands down and kissed her after she said she didn't want to be kissed. After all of this he told her that he'll have sex with her when he wants because she is his wife. I don't know but this sounds like sexual assault to me. I think she only acquiesced because he was already on top of her. This whole scenario makes me sick and I really hate this guy even more now. What does this sound like to you?

    The older son of 7 is acting out in school, and getting violent. My friend says he is most like the husband in personality and is afraid he is being influenced by the dynamics in the house. As her friend I feel powerless. I feel like I am watching a train headed off a cliff. I feel like what he did to her was like rape. Or it was rape. IDK I feel awful for her. My door is open and she knows that she can come here with the children or alone whenever. But I have a sinking feeling in my stomach; things are only getting worse in the situation. I don't trust this guy and hate him even more.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not for you to decide what this is. It's also not a survey style question. However what you can do is reflect on why you are listening to this much morbid detail without simply suggesting she go to a doctor/clinic to get professional advice/help on what it is and how to handle it and what she wants to do about it.. Try not to live vicariously through anyone for the sake of drama. You are way too involved in this.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Get her to call a domestic abuse hotline and or visit her primary care dr , an emergency dept etc etc. If she can’t do this for herself she needs to do this for her child who at present is being abused by watching the dynamic between his parents.

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    Thanks guys. I listen to her because she is my best friend but I feel out of my element and overwhelmed. She wants to talk a lot to me and has told me I am her lifeline.

    I told her to call but she is kind of in denial. But I told her to call the hotline. I don't know; I think you are right..I am way too involved in this :/ An I am kind of useless here, too.

    She wanted to tell me details; I didn't ask for them. What am I supposed to say to her? Don't talk to me because I can't help you?

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  6. #5
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    I'm confused now. In my previous thread I was told to be there for her and to be involved. Now I shouldn't be? I'm confused; what do I do. I suggested help, I have documents, I opened up my door, I told her things black and white.

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    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    You should be there for her as a friend, but this case might require professional help that you're not qualified to give.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She requires professional help she can lose her son by having him exposed to an abusive situation.

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    I thought that this is the girl that dumped you as a friend?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This is above your pay grade. Yes you can be her friend and offer to take her and her child in, but you cant do much beyond this, I dont think you are a doctor or lawyer or therapist. She needs intervention from those 3 sources. You need to do better at minding your own business while being a friend, you are too involved.

  11. #10
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    The best way you can help right now is by getting her professional help and getting her the numbers of people to call/websites to visit.

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