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Thread: Breadcrumbs? Or nothing?

  1. #11
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Yes, a good sense of power. Use it to move forward. Brush this off. I think your ultimate 'revenge' is in living your best life going forward.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Swbymid
    Baty,

    You're right. Although I don't care to respond, I still need to not read into it.

    Even if he wanted me back and comes out and says it eventually, it would have to be weeks, if not months from now because I'm working on myself! And I'm not sure he is. And at that point, I might not have the thought of reconciliation anyway.

    But I can't help but feel a sense of power right now...
    I know that power. I got it when my ex contacted me with nice words (saying she loved me, misses me and was sad the relationship was over). Now I realise it was just my ego and false hope that provided that power. I felt like she could either be back any moment and that I was so awesome (by working on myself) it almost proved I was on my way to do and get anything I wanted. Then I texted back a few hours or a day later and she wouldn't respond how I hoped or when I thought she would. Bye bye sense of power.

    Even now (2 months post BU) I get it sometimes. She initiates conversations and meetups and it makes me feel extra confident, until it comes back down again and I experience a setback.

    So all I'm saying is that it's good that you feel power, use it. But it might also crash down on you and I think you should be aware of that. It helped me when I realized this sense of power/confidence would always crash down again and that it happened due to my ego.

  3. #13
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    Trufo, oh god that didn't occur to me. Well, I'm not planning on responding, ever, unless it's clearly stated that growth has been worked toward and he is interested in rebuilding a trusting relationship.
    Until then, just powering through with healing.
    Thanks for your input. Best of luck to you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Breadcrumbs? Or nothing?
    Breadcrumbs ARE 'nothing'.

    I'm not of the mind to suggest beating yourself up to try to eliminate the denial and bargaining stages that are natural to grief. Instead, I'd rather suggest relaxing into trusting that if you and ex were ever a meant-to-be deal, your paths will cross again someday once you've both reached higher ground, but you'll each need to reach that place on your own.

    I've found this helpful to motivate myself to want to reach my own higher ground, so I'm better able to move my focus forward rather ruminating on the past and focusing on the ex to fish for meanings in crumbs.

    Outwardly, you're doing things right. Inwardly, you can trust the fact that emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. Waiting to 'feel like' investing in the things you're doing will only keep you in stagnation, while focusing on moving yourself forward trusts that if ex ever has a change of heart, he'll have no problem catching up with you to let you know it--not hint at it.

    Head high, and do your best to create good memories for the loved ones in your life during a time that's difficult to enjoy much yourself. You will thank yourself later, regardless of outcomes.

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  6. #15
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    Guys, the 'bad' thoughts are creeping in... I am itching to reach out to him... every other minute I'm having such conflicting thoughts. Trying to tell myself I just miss intimacy and companionship and not him and I will remain NC, and the next minute I'm utterly shocked and thinking "He is the person. No one else." And that if I feel this way, shouldn't I risk being vulnerable and telling him how I feel? Or if I want reconciliation, I should just remain NC as he is beginning to feel the emptiness of life without me. But I don't want to play games. I want to be honest, but protect myself... :/
    Darn.

  7. #16
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    Doesn't he already know how you feel? Why would telling him one more time make any difference?

    He was mean to you. Excluded you from his big celebration then you had to drive thousands of miles back home. Why would you want more of that?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. I prefer no breadcrumbs, it's just cheap filler.

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