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Thread: Need some common sense

  1. #1
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    Need some common sense

    I have been seeing my partner for over a year . Things were fine initially . We had a couple of small disagreements that highlighted we needed to work on our communication.

    In December she became particularly aggressive ( when drunk) . I canít honestly recall how it started - but once it did she was relentless . Calling me a lot of names - the favourite beginning with C and ending in T .

    I tried to go to bed . She came upstairs and carried on . I left the house and walked . It continued when I came back .

    The next day there were lots of apologies and lots of promises to change . These havenít happened .

    There has been nothing as severe as December . But they are more regular . Each time the same pattern .

    She is aggressive and refuses to reason . I tend to retreat and become quiet ( which I know doesnít help a balanced discussion)

    I have tried over the last few months to reconcile all this . To my own detriment . I feel anxious , tired and a little bewildered .

    I told her the other day that I felt she was being emotionally abusive . She basically repeated what I had said back to me . Which I challenged . But got the same response . She has two faces . The one she wears most of the time . And the one she shows when she is not getting what she wants .

    She wants to go to counselling / to work on it - I have no fight ( I feel) to do that ?

  2. #2
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    I think it's best to talk to her.. Get to know her from the inside, and not the person she shows to people - even you.

    Her drinking problem, might be because of inner feelings that she couldn't let go of..
    Once you kkow what that is, then you'll fully know whether you're capable of patching that part up or it's something that is not in your hands....

    I'm not saying she's right, I'm just saying maybe she has issues mentally and emotionally that she covers with alcohol....

    I'm a bit much too sometimes... Because I have mental disorders, I'm bipolar, depressed and have anxiety.. However I don't drink, I do smoke cigarettes though, it's the only way I can think straight....

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It's time to break up and part ways permanently.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Lougee
    I think it's best to talk to her.. Get to know her from the inside, and not the person she shows to people - even you.

    Her drinking problem, might be because of inner feelings that she couldn't let go of..
    Once you kkow what that is, then you'll fully know whether you're capable of patching that part up or it's something that is not in your hands....

    I'm not saying she's right, I'm just saying maybe she has issues mentally and emotionally that she covers with alcohol....

    I'm a bit much too sometimes... Because I have mental disorders, I'm bipolar, depressed and have anxiety.. However I don't drink, I do smoke cigarettes though, it's the only way I can think straight....
    Her mental health is not OP's responsibility. If she wants to go to counseling for herself to figure it out.. Awesome, but it isn't OP's job to analyze and fix her. That's how you end up in a resentful parent/ child type relationship.

    As of right now, I say OP should leave. If a wife were here saying how her husband abused her in this way, that's the advice she'd get. This situation is no different.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Lougee
    I think it's best to talk to her.. Get to know her from the inside, and not the person she shows to people - even you.

    Her drinking problem, might be because of inner feelings that she couldn't let go of..
    Once you kkow what that is, then you'll fully know whether you're capable of patching that part up or it's something that is not in your hands....

    I'm not saying she's right, I'm just saying maybe she has issues mentally and emotionally that she covers with alcohol....

    I'm a bit much too sometimes... Because I have mental disorders, I'm bipolar, depressed and have anxiety.. However I don't drink, I do smoke cigarettes though, it's the only way I can think straight....
    Her behavior is unacceptable and she should not try to understand her. Her partner is abusive. Time to end this!

  7. #6
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    I appreciate your responses . Is it abuse ? She repeats that back to me . Says she canít talk about how she feels because itís upsetting her. Iím just lost ..

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    Iím a guy by the way 😀

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I'm sorry but when a partner is verbally abusive to this extent, the only solution is to leave. You can't reason with them and you aren't going to fix them either. Literally, if you want to stop the abuse, the only way is to leave the abuser.

    If she is serious about fixing herself and her issues, she needs to be single and delve pretty much full time into structured and exhaustive therapy. For therapy to take effect, you are looking at her being single and fully dedicated to it for 1-3 years. This is not something a person can fix in a few visits. Also, any worthwhile therapist would demand that she remain single for the duration of the work to avoid falling into old habits. To stay with her trying to support her would actually be the opposite of supporting, it would be enabling her to carry on with abusive tendencies and slow the fixing process, if not fully stopping it.

    Best for you to step far away and move on. You don't need someone abusing you in your life. As they say, life is too short.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Abzesc50
    Iím a guy by the way 😀
    Then why is she calling you cu$t?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Abzesc50
    I appreciate your responses . Is it abuse ? She repeats that back to me . Says she canít talk about how she feels because itís upsetting her. Iím just lost ..
    Yes, it is abuse and yes, abusers invariably turn things around on their victim, blame the victim while making themselves out to be the victim. Abusers are highly manipulative people. Two faced, three faced, million faced if needed. Whatever it takes to get what they want out of any given individual. You already noticed this yourself - she seems to wear two faces. You are quite correct but for she probably wears more faces than you realize.

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