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Thread: Need some common sense

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this a same-sex relationship? Why are you clinging so tightly to this? You've dated a year so you have known about her drinking, aggressive behavior and verbal abuse for a while. Does she have untreated mood or substance abuse disorders? This is not a 'lack of communication', this is a dysfunctional volatile situation.

    She will not change. Go to counselling, but privately and confidentially by yourself to sort through some of this and decide what is best for you and why you have tolerated and stayed in an "emotionally abuse' situation this long.
    Originally Posted by Abzesc50
    I have been seeing my partner for over a year . Calling me a lot of names - the favourite beginning with C and ending in T .

    I told her the other day that I felt she was being emotionally abusive

  2. #22
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    A derogatory term is just that.
    D!ck, c^nt, pr!ck, whatever! They are simply terms thrown about intended to be derogatory but not actually gender specific despite the origin of meaning.

    OP, you are not in an abusive relationship , you are in a disrespectful one. Imo.
    You donít need therapy , you are aware of the situation. You only need or will need therapy should you stay.
    Do you want to stay?

  3. #23
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    There's nothing about your GF that's even remotely acceptable, so what would be the point in counseling, exactly?

    It's up to each of us to set our own bar. Raise yours, and move forward.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    A derogatory term is just that.
    D!ck, c^nt, pr!ck, whatever! They are simply terms thrown about intended to be derogatory but not actually gender specific despite the origin of meaning.

    OP, you are not in an abusive relationship , you are in a disrespectful one. Imo.
    You donít need therapy , you are aware of the situation. You only need or will need therapy should you stay.
    Do you want to stay?
    You think foul words and irrational screaming don't constitute abuse? I've got a reality check. They do.

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  6. #25
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    I think it IS abuse. This happens on an ongoing basis and verbal abuse is still abuse. I don't think it's a good excuse to say it's fine for her to say those horrible things just because she was drunk and apologised later. For one thing she sounds like an alcoholic so that also needs to be addressed. But just being drunk doesn't necessarily make people abusive so I think she's in a minority of drunk people who act like this. I feel like maybe deep down she does have a nasty streak but manages to hide it sober because she understands social conventions. In any case, if she knows she gets like this then she has to take responsibility and not drink at all.

    I say all this because I've also struggled with alcoholism but I don't get abusive to my knowledge. Back in 2010 I did about 3-4 detoxes and stayed in a rehab for a month and went to AA a lot and I got better. She needs to aknowledge her issues and actually DO something about them. If she's not willing to change then I think it might be time to end this.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    At the end of the day in the grand scheme things the label doesn't matter except as a distraction.

    Being disrespected is more than enough to leave a relationship... the OPer states he needs common sense, there really isnt anymore than that...

  8. #27
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    It is abuse. Women can be just as abusive to men. Give her ultimatum. Get help with drinking or counseling or I am gone.
    If she chooses no, then go.
    You must be serious though. Otherwise you're becoming codependent.

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