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Should I bother with her?


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M 27 F 27

 

 

So me and a girl have been seeing each other for a while after matching on an app. It started out at the end of February and she was quick to want to meet up.

 

After a few dates, food and drink early March she stayed over at mine and did the deed. It was pretty obvious that we both enjoyed it and that was that.

 

I went off climbing a mountain in Africa for a week, bought her a present which went down well. After returning we saw each other again..

 

Couple more dates, party at her house where I stayed over.. met her mates brings us to the current time.

 

Friday before last we went out for food and drinks, had a nice time her mates showed up a the bar we were at.. she ended up coming back to mine, had a bit of foreplay then stayed over but we were both up early.

 

So I didn't hear from her for a couple days, she then sent me a very generic text asking how my day was..

 

I text her back asking her out in the week before I went away camping..

 

Now she's always been crap at texting/replying but I'm a strong believer in that people are never too busy to send a short text unless they're at work..

 

I'm also not interested in grey areas as they cause me stress like this but I understand it's not that simple sometimes..

 

So after three days I sent her a text telling her I was going away but no reply.. it's now been about a week and no reply.

 

Part of me wants to call her.. just to get some closure or find out what happened..

 

I don't know if I moved too fast, she wasn't feeling it or she was lying to herself about liking me or she's met someone else.

 

Any ideas, help, recommendations would be greatfull.

 

Thanks in advance.

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Nothing happened. Just a casual hook up that fizzled out as they tend to do.

 

She hasn't responded because she isn't interested in more. Silence is rejection. Since there was nothing between you to begin with, nothing to explain away either. Accept it and move on.

 

Just because a woman sleeps with you doesn't mean it will lead to a relationship or even to another sleep over. She is done for any number of reasons. Simply lost interest, met someone else she is interested in more, simply wanted to get laid and you've served that purpose, other life events happened and she lost interest, etc. Basically, insert whatever excuse you want here for your own peace of mind and move on. Don't contact her more because....nobody likes a guy who can't take the hint and gets desperate demanding attention and explanations after a couple of dates and a hook up or two. You were't in a relationship, so nothing to explain beyond "not interested in more".

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It seems like a casual relationship. If you both were casual about it to start, it might have started off on that vibe. Are you looking for something more serious or are you just annoyed that she didn't bother replying (thoughtless or rude)?

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Well it just felt like we had something good going. We both enjoyed trying food and going out together, she was happy with the necklace I brought back from Africa for her. I gave her a copy of Nat Geo from her year of birth which were all small gestures but contributed to us seeing each other again..

 

Us staying over at each others houses and her having me round her friends made it seem like there more to it but in hindsight it's a bit .

 

I just want some clarity and feedback as there's obviously been a lack of communication.

 

It seemed like we had something good going but obviously she must have felt differently or got a sour taste last Friday/her mates said something about us.

 

Some of my mates are saying that I should just call her and speak to her others are saying to go date someone else.

 

Personally I reckon I'm at a point now where I would like something more serious. In the past I've been in long term relationships but it's been four years since then.. the single and dating life has done me well but maybe I did get a bit too attatched and saw a different life that wasn't there..

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I say text or call her and clear the air.

 

Tell her what you've told us here, you enjoyed spending time, getting to know her, and are disappointed you haven't heard (back) from her..

 

If you call and receive voice mail, invite her (in your own words) to text/call you, if not wish her well.

 

Do same if you text.

 

If she ignores that, then you know for sure, and also that she is quite inconsiderate to just ghost you, leaving you anxious and wondering what's going on, which personally I think is quite cruel to do to someone you've connected and spent time with, even for a short while.

 

Speaks to someone's character and level of integrity (low) imo..

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So I didn't hear from her for a couple days, she then sent me a very generic text asking how my day was..

 

I text her back asking her out in the week before I went away camping..

 

Now she's always been crap at texting/replying but I'm a strong believer in that people are never too busy to send a short text unless they're at work..

 

I'm also not interested in grey areas as they cause me stress like this but I understand it's not that simple sometimes..

 

So after three days I sent her a text telling her I was going away but no reply.. it's now been about a week and no reply.

 

You are measuring her by what you would do. But she's not you. She's never texted in a way that you would prefer, yet she's gone out with you and enjoyed your company.

 

You tell her you are going away and she goes silent.

 

For all you know she could be thinking you are giving her the brush off.

 

You're back, let her know.

But call her this time.

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Do you tend to be gone a lot on the weekends? It doesn't seem excessive, but from late Feb to early March, there were two trips. In the beginning of some of these relationships, you can lose some momentum if there's a high amount of unavailability, especially if she has other prospects lined up. I'm not saying to change your activities or stop doing the things you enjoy, but it might cause things to be slow to start or cause things to fully stop. Another thing I'm considering is that if you're very frequently heading out climbing and camping, this might be causing her to rethink a future partner because she simply doesn't want to do those things and it obviously limits activities you can do together, particularly if you're gone every other weekend, if not more, or frequent longer trips. She might reluctantly join you once in awhile, but not often. You on the other hand get itchy staying idle and might not be able adapt to her lifestyle or activities. Of course couples need and want to do things apart and don't have to be joined at the hip and do all things together, but considering myself, if my guy was busy going to concerts every other weekend, festivals, camping and fishing as often as possible, or spent hours traveling to view museums (as examples), I could see myself questioning future because I just don't enjoy those things. I'm actually quite boring.

 

Anyway, I think I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but at the end of the day, I think it would be worth your time to do one more reach-out and see what transpires. At least you can look back and say, "I tried." That's all there is. Maybe she just needs this attention to keep some momentum going, even if it's a slow start, or maybe she's just not interested. If she ghosts, she ghosts, and someone that does that after what sounded like a really nice beginning probably isn't worth more of your time.

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Depends on what kind of woman you're looking for or tend to attract.

If you're ending up with the pillow princesses, expecting her to text you back after a time lapse isn't very realistic. Some women just aren't made for that. Sorry to break it to you. You can go ahead and call her if you think she's scared of the send button on her own phone. Be aware of the type of woman you're engaging with.

 

Most women with balls/go-getters will tell it to you straight and be honest with you that there's no connection so you're free to move on. Obviously you put some thought into your little gifts (that was impressive actually). My hunches are telling me she's either brainless/somewhat of a princess/behaving like a spoiled brat or got distracted talking to someone else (seeing someone else). Just a suggestion: maybe it's time to re-evaluate the women who appear attractive to you. You might also be attracting the wrong ones. Don't let this get you down. Think of it this way: one lousy down/good riddance, plenty more to enjoy meeting. Good luck.

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You only dated a few weeks and sometimes it doesn't work, they met someone else, you were too busy/away too much, etc. You ended it so that is both closure an the reason she is not replying. Just forget it and move forward to someone who shares your communication and dating styles.

I went away camping..So after three days I sent her a text telling her I was going away but no reply.. it's now been about a week and no reply.
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You only dated a few weeks and sometimes it doesn't work, they met someone else, you were too busy/away too much, etc. You ended it so that is both closure an the reason she is not replying. Just forget it and move forward to someone who shares your communication and dating styles.

I appreciate that, I guess it was more like from end of February till now we were communicating and seeing each other..

 

How did I end it?

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Misread "Sent her a text that I'm going away". You meant it literally not figuratively right? In that case it sounds like she ghosted for no apparent reason, and nothing to do with you.

I appreciate that, I guess it was more like from end of February till now we were communicating and seeing each other..How did I end it?
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I say text or call her and clear the air.

 

Tell her what you've told us here, you enjoyed spending time, getting to know her, and are disappointed you haven't heard (back) from her..

 

If you call and receive voice mail, invite her (in your own words) to text/call you, if not wish her well.

 

Do same if you text.

 

If she ignores that, then you know for sure, and also that she is quite inconsiderate to just ghost you, leaving you anxious and wondering what's going on, which personally I think is quite cruel to do to someone you've connected and spent time with, even for a short while.

 

Speaks to someone's character and level of integrity (low) imo..

 

Really appreciate that, I might try and give her a call tomorrow.

 

I'm actually on another date tonight lol so we'll see if that changes my mind but I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't invest time/emotion in the person this threads about..

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She's not replying, I don't think there's anything to end. If she contacts you just say,

"Hey, it was nice hanging out, but I don't think we are a good match."

 

Hear her out, but remember, people who are truly interested in us, always find a way to reply and keep in contact. Unless she's a spy on a secret mission :)

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Misread "Sent her a text that I'm going away". You meant it literally not figuratively right? In that case it sounds like she ghosted for no apparent reason, and nothing to do with you.

 

Ah no worries, no I told her I was going away camping with some mates and I won't have reception..

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She's not replying, I don't think there's anything to end. If she contacts you just say,

"Hey, it was nice hanging out, but I don't think we are a good match."

 

Hear her out, but remember, people who are truly interested in us, always find a way to reply and keep in contact. Unless she's a spy on a secret mission :)

 

Good advice, I guess she's not interested but it just seems to abrubt/without explanation and I'd like some sort of message saying I'm not seeing you because of this or sorry I've been busy let's do something!

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