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Thread: Advice about my situation

  1. #11
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    I guess I'm just still trapped in this typical feeling where it just feels like she was "the one" for me, and I'm wondering if I ever could meet someone that is so caring and so loving (yeah, she was like that even, one month before we broke up...) towards me...
    I know I sound silly...

  2. #12
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    This was your first relationship, of course you will.

    She was so caring that she cheated on, blamed and lied to you. Set your barometer much higher!

  3. #13
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    Of course, but I have the feeling it was set reeeally high already (she was really, really beautiful, and had many qualities, she was kind of an artist girl, as I am more of a scientific kind of guy... Of course she had big defaults too :/ )

    I guess the defaults were much worse than anything in the end...

  4. #14
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    I see someone that is rationalizing everything instead of looking at what is really going on. Everything she has done you have excused it and rationalized her behavior. She is in a bad place or she is bad at communicating or whatever the reason, you have said to her "Its okay to use me as a doormat"
    Now you are holding out hope and wishing she would contact you and say lets get together. You are in denial that it is over. Sure you might say all the right things on here but you have already forgiven her for everything and say its okay, I want you back. I can tell you that in the course of your life you are going to meet a lot of "The One". So rather than putting your hands to your face pretending you don't see her actions, why don't you face it. Its not going to work. Im sorry but at this point in your life and hers, its not going to work out. You two are on two different paths. She is 18 and has NO clue what she wants but she does know she doesn't want to be tied to you in a relationship. You believe that she will come around and you will be there with open arms.
    What I think you must do is look inward and think why are you allowing yourself to be a doormat? Why are you allowing any woman to behave badly, treat you bad and yet you will take it and say its okay lets try that again. Do you have a low self esteem, was the sex that good, is she the hottest girl you have ever been with.. something in you is accepting this behavior and Im telling you, if you accept this now from an 18 yr old, you are going to get run over by women that are better at the game than she is.
    So please, the best thing to do is just accept that its over, it didn't work and focus on you.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She is remarkably immature for an 18 y/o. Also the age gap is not that great the maturity gap is huge. This was your first love so you are taking it hard. Are you getting formal therapy or just chatting with your mother's friend?. It may be time to consider some professional short term therapy to address the anxiety, obsessions, etc.

    In the long run, learning about loss, disappointments and coping skills is an excellent investment. In the meantime, avoid, delete and block this drama-child from all your messaging apps and social media. Consider dating girls with a similar level of maturity, intelligence and emotional stability. Focus more on your studies, profession interests and get more involved in sports, clubs groups etc. Dating a friend's sister, especially one this immature will just be fraught with drama and unnecessary nonsense.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by No1
    I see someone that is rationalizing everything instead of looking at what is really going on.
    You must be totally right about this, this is exactly what my mother's friend told me was the big issue about me... I need to try to less rationalize things and accept the facts.
    I also think I'm allowing myself to be a doormat as you said, since I wasn't the "cool" kind of guy at all at High School (I didn't take care of myself at all, I only played videogames and studied).


    I have a good situation now, and I've hit the gym since almost 8 months, and becoming more and more in shape (almost have the six packs for the summer, yeah for me it's a BIG deal). All this plus the fact that I could date a girl that was this beautiful (I mean, she was really one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met, even if my judgement must be biased) gave me more confidence in myself than I ever had.

    At the same time I think I used to idealize love. As far as I can remember, I always told myself that the first girl I'll fall in love with would be the one, and maybe I hold on this false statement too hard, hence the denial that this is over... I still have this feeling somewhere in my heart.
    I know I'm wrong, and I'm just trying my best to move on. Sometimes I surprise myself, it's like I've completely moved on and I feel great about myself and all, but the day after I just feel sad and wish she had never left me.

    Anyways all of this helps me a lot.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Dating a friend's sister, especially one this immature will just be fraught with drama and unnecessary nonsense.
    Yeah... That's why it took us a long time before date, as I didn't want to ruin my relation with her family and her brother. Fortunately it didn't (but from the first day my best friend told me that if anything would happen between me and his sister, nothing would change between us two). The only thing I guess is that she dropped a lot in his family esteem regarding what she had done.

    Still the thing is that at the beginning, she did not seem immature at all, even the opposite. As she had more experience in dating, she knew better what she wanted, and we talked about it a lot, but we had the same vision about commitment and what it would mean if we got together. Turns out it was just pretty lies from her. Or she just changed her mind over the time.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you getting formal therapy or just chatting with your mother's friend?. It may be time to consider some professional short term therapy to address the anxiety, obsessions, etc.
    Nah, it's just casual walks in the forest with her and my dog, where we talk for a bit about what's on my mind.
    I feel like I don't need the therapy and I can sort myself out (with all the help I can get, meaning friends, family, and here) but maybe at one point I could consider it

  10. #19
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    Today I cried for so long, more than ever... I didn't cry for the whole week but I somehow exploded today...

    It is hard to accept the fact that i've been a fool, but god I loved her so much... And i thought she did too... How can I let go ? :(

  11. #20
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    YOu just do, it takes time but it happens and in a few omnths time you will be fine. Just be gentle on yourself for now.

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