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Thread: The girl who loved me, married someone else as I did not respond to her advances

  1. #1

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    The girl who loved me, married someone else as I did not respond to her advances

    Hello,

    There was this girl I mean online on Facebook, and soon we became good friends, I felt very appreciated and cared by her, and comfortable when talking to her. All this time she would multiple times directly and indirectly tend to show her feelings towards me, however I would not engage her so as to not hurt her as I didn't really plan on marrying her then. But she continued extremely caring for me, and loving me without any physical stuff, I would in fact always not show any emotions, and usually being very hard on me.

    Fast forward, one guy proposed to her, she would discuss with me about her for 2 weeks or so etc.. I didn't feel anything, they then agreed for marriage, and as the time came for her marriage, I felt love for her like I have never ever felt for anyone else, I realize and regret missing something very precious, and I am absolutely shattered.

    We come from Asian Muslim society, and her family with her intention decided to go for the other man for her marriage. She tried for 2 years and gave up on me so said yes, but was in constant contact with me, night before her marriage I told her that I will marry her if she stops the marriage with the other man, she told me I have asked her something very difficult, but will sure talk to her mom, and in the morning she talked to her mom who declined her request.

    Later she married the other man who is crazy about her and wants her bad, first night she felt terrible and wanted to get back to me, but within few days she says the other man had made such and such promises and hence she cannot leave him etc.. She said she will keep me as a friend and that I should not come in between her and her husband.

    Can anyone tell me what happened with me, her ......
    Does she really love the other man now, or is it more of a revenge, or coz he shows so much affection to her that she cannot leave him, or is it that living with someone causes them to develop love once in marriage?

    can anyone tell me a way i can get her back , as of now I am not able to write fully well as I have been feeling very low and crying, but if anyone has any further questions please dont hesitate to ask me.

    Thanks alot,

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was it an arranged marriage? Stay away from her, she is happily married.
    Originally Posted by Quraishy
    We come from Asian Muslim society, and her family with her intention decided to go for the other man for her marriage.
    She said she will keep me as a friend and that I should not come in between her and her husband.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    If you come from a Asian Muslim society surely you realize how difficult it would be for her family and her to go back on their word. It sounds like she made her choice and is now honoring the commitment she made. Marriage is a serious commitment and she is choosing to respect it.

    Imo, you need to respect her wish. You don't really love her, what hurts is your ego. Up to the point you learned about her moving on you didn't plan on marrying her. Had she not married someone else, you would still not feel anything for her. Wanting what you no longer can have is egoism not love. In order to move on, you need to stop contacting her. Time will heal your hurt ego and one day you will see that what you are feeling is not love. Good luck.

  4. #4
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    You need to block communication with her as of now.
    It is none of your business as a married woman how she feels.

    She is married and thatís all you need to know.

    Respect that and respect your culture.
    I donít understand it but I can still respect it.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You had your chance you didn't take it, so she got what she wanted from someone else. This guy is willing to appreciate her, and treat her the way she wants to be treated....you didn't do so much of that, and dragged your feet....so what is a girl to do? move on bud.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Coily's Avatar
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    Let me come at this a bit differently.

    I think this is an excellent lesson in you needing to allow yourself to take the risk when a woman is showing interest. It's awkward and uncomfortable to take risks in dating, and it will bruise your ego.

    Now as to what happened to her and you... Well she found someone who reciprocated actively her feelings. You may have and still have emotions for her, but that is the past and you cannot undo it. I myself held on to a woman who I cared for deeply, but I didn't act when I had the chance. She got married, was happy for a time and well treated; it took me a while to let go. But once I did, it opened me up to a great big world of options; and realization that sometimes a no is just a no; not a negative reaction.

    Let her go, be happy for her; and best of all you have a jumping off point for a woman who you won't hesitate with. As a rather pessimistic guy I can say this without hesitation; someone better is out there now time to do the hard work of finding her.

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Was it an arranged marriage? Stay away from her, she is happily married.
    It was an arranged marriage, but thats not really the issue.
    She told me of her talking to the other man for this purpose for weeks, yet I didnt really feel much, till the very last.
    I dont know where my love was hiding :s

  9. #8

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    Originally Posted by Clio
    If you come from a Asian Muslim society surely you realize how difficult it would be for her family and her to go back on their word. It sounds like she made her choice and is now honoring the commitment she made. Marriage is a serious commitment and she is choosing to respect it.

    Imo, you need to respect her wish. You don't really love her, what hurts is your ego. Up to the point you learned about her moving on you didn't plan on marrying her. Had she not married someone else, you would still not feel anything for her. Wanting what you no longer can have is egoism not love. In order to move on, you need to stop contacting her. Time will heal your hurt ego and one day you will see that what you are feeling is not love. Good luck.
    Thanks for your help and reply,
    That is true, she is really pushing herself to be with the man, and says is happy. He is a girl of high values.

    I never felt it was ego, quiet a unique way you are putting it, how is it ego?
    I mean i feel i love her deeply, second maybe because im loosing her that i feel such.
    I was so used to her, and I realize somehow that I did love her alot, but it never felt that extreme love to me till very late, apart from my emotions, this thought is a question in my mind.
    You are probably correct in saying "Had she not married someone else, you would still not feel anything for her." I did always had feeling and emotions for her in the past, but not to the level considered as 'love' or so I felt.

    But one thing even when I was more so her friend, I would still very much want her to be in my life and be a part of everything, I would talk to her everyday on the way to work and on the way back and other times as well..

    I feel its love, you say its egoism hmm

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You had your chance you didn't take it, so she got what she wanted from someone else. This guy is willing to appreciate her, and treat her the way she wants to be treated....you didn't do so much of that, and dragged your feet....so what is a girl to do? move on bud.
    Thanks a lot for you reply,

    Yes I had many chances, she was many times very direct with me, and thats what hurts me more, that I could have had her so easy then. And now with all my effort its hardly yielding anything.

    I am not and never will blame her on this, but I do wish that I get her back as a wife now.

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by Coily
    Let me come at this a bit differently.

    I think this is an excellent lesson in you needing to allow yourself to take the risk when a woman is showing interest. It's awkward and uncomfortable to take risks in dating, and it will bruise your ego.

    Now as to what happened to her and you... Well she found someone who reciprocated actively her feelings. You may have and still have emotions for her, but that is the past and you cannot undo it. I myself held on to a woman who I cared for deeply, but I didn't act when I had the chance. She got married, was happy for a time and well treated; it took me a while to let go. But once I did, it opened me up to a great big world of options; and realization that sometimes a no is just a no; not a negative reaction.

    Let her go, be happy for her; and best of all you have a jumping off point for a woman who you won't hesitate with. As a rather pessimistic guy I can say this without hesitation; someone better is out there now time to do the hard work of finding her.
    Thanks for your reply,

    Well there was no such risk, I mean had I said yes it would have been done. But back then I choose not to.. What do you mean by "It's awkward and uncomfortable to take risks in dating, and it will bruise your ego." Do you mean even if the person is not fully to what we want, we should be more willing to accept them if they love us or..?

    "best of all you have a jumping off point for a woman who you won't hesitate with" she never hesitated with me

    its not possible nor easy to forget someone who cared for you purely for your pleasure,

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