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My wife just admitted she’s been having an affair


BigKinik

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Two weeks after my wife told me she wanted a Separation, I confronted her about infidelity and the possibility that I would need to be tested for an STD. She confirmed she has been having an affair but will not say how long or who it is with. Instead of a separation I am now seeking divorce. I could use some input, and just someone to talk to. She refuses to leave the house because she doesn’t want to lose custody of our children. I want to get as far away from her as I can. It’s not as if we haven’t been having problems for a long time, but I still wanted to try to make my relationship with her stronger while she was having this affair with me.

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You can't make her leave her house or her kids. You need to consult an attorney. .

She confirmed she has been having an affair but will not say how long or who it is with. She refuses to leave the house because she doesn’t want to lose custody of our children.
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Welcome to ENA,

 

You have found a good place so post as often as you want.

 

First off do not move out of the house and do not threaten to throw her out.

 

How many children do you have? How long have you been married? Is the house in both your names? Does she work?

 

For right now you need to stay as calm as possible and make a plan. I know your emotions are running high and your head is probably spinning but don't do anything rash, slow down and be smart and you will be okay.

 

I have been where you are and I know how much it hurts to be betrayed like this. You are vulnerable right now so don't agree to anything without getting advice from a trusted source.

 

Remember she has been cheating for some time and has emotionally checked out so she is way ahead of you on this, time to play catch up.

 

Answer the questions I asked you and we can help.

 

I am sorry but just know you and your children will be okay.

 

Lost

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Do not leave the house yourself.

 

Move her out of your bedroom and put a lock on the door. Make sure all of her things are out of the room.

 

Talk with a lawyer, actually the top 5 in your area and retain the best one.

 

If your kids are old enough explain what is happening and why.

 

Read the 180 and fallow through.

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You can have shared custody. The kids spend a week with you then the kids spend a week with her. There will be no child support needed. I suggest you do some digging and find out who she was with...you may need physical proof to win your court case.

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Two weeks after my wife told me she wanted a Separation, I confronted her about infidelity and the possibility that I would need to be tested for an STD. She confirmed she has been having an affair but will not say how long or who it is with. Instead of a separation I am now seeking divorce. I could use some input, and just someone to talk to. She refuses to leave the house because she doesn’t want to lose custody of our children. I want to get as far away from her as I can. It’s not as if we haven’t been having problems for a long time, but I still wanted to try to make my relationship with her stronger while she was having this affair with me.

 

She wanted a separation , in most countries , separation is the first step to divorce as you need to be separated legally for one year In order to divorce.

I find it a little odd that you are claiming to want divorce over separation as if you are trying to gain control over the situation?

 

You can get tested for STD’s if concerned , but you seem more concerned about when she started an affair over your own health? Why?

Just get tested already.

 

She does have a right to stay in the house as do you.

Regardless of her actions.

 

You said there were problems within the marriage for a long time yet you still wanted to work on it despite her affair.

It sounds like you were aware of the affair before her request to split?

 

I’m confused!

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You can have shared custody. The kids spend a week with you then the kids spend a week with her. There will be no child support needed. I suggest you do some digging and find out who she was with...you may need physical proof to win your court case.

 

This depends on where you live. Where I live, it is required to be calculated and paid based on wages and amount of time with child. Even if neither parent wants the child support, it is done either way. Sometimes, if wages are similar and the amount of the child support is very small, a judge can do away with it.

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Lawyer!

 

I would also start a running log of daily activities that are questionable, save emails, phone bills, etc. Don't allow yourself to be run out at this stage, be cordial and polite. She may try all sorts of "tricks" in order to paint you as the villain; the usual messy divorce type things. Unfortunately as the man you have to be very meticulous in how you do things, emotions and reacting are your enemy.

 

Best of luck.

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Lawyer. And a therapist. Not because you don't have reason to be heavily distraught, but that you need to maintain a clear head to not incriminate yourself should it comes to rigorous custody proceedings. Fortunately, joint-custody is becoming increasingly the norm, so in fairness to her, I'd have to know what her fear is in terms of "losing custody." If it's in the sense she'd lose it entirely, it's less concerning. If she laments having to split custody period, I think you need to listen to that and take it seriously. A whole lot of parents don't play nice nor fair when it comes to this kind of thing. The VAR may sound over-the-top, but it's probably worth it. Also in the meantime, don't threaten her. Don't kick her out. Preponderance of the evidence is to many a surprisingly low standard, and you need to do well to cover your bases and it's best not to provide any fuel, and to simply be the most decent man you can be regardless.

 

I'm not going to label your wife a bad guy. For all I know, she could work with you and be just as fair as anyone should be. You still need to look after yourself. If you're aware enough that you've for a long time had issues in your marriage and that she's now been engaged in a full-on affair, I'd assume things are well done for. My default whenever kids are involved is to try counseling, even if just to say you gave it a session. I'd be in contact with your legal resources through any or all of it, though.

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