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Thread: My wife just admitted she’s been having an affair

  1. #1

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    My wife just admitted she’s been having an affair

    Two weeks after my wife told me she wanted a Separation, I confronted her about infidelity and the possibility that I would need to be tested for an STD. She confirmed she has been having an affair but will not say how long or who it is with. Instead of a separation I am now seeking divorce. I could use some input, and just someone to talk to. She refuses to leave the house because she doesn’t want to lose custody of our children. I want to get as far away from her as I can. It’s not as if we haven’t been having problems for a long time, but I still wanted to try to make my relationship with her stronger while she was having this affair with me.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You need to talk to an attorney today.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You can't make her leave her house or her kids. You need to consult an attorney. .
    Originally Posted by BigKinik
    She confirmed she has been having an affair but will not say how long or who it is with. She refuses to leave the house because she doesn’t want to lose custody of our children.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree with the other posters, you need to speak to an attorney on what to do next.

    I am sorry you're going through this.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If you leave the marital home, you will be construed as having abandoned the children. Don't do it. Get custody arrangements first.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA,

    You have found a good place so post as often as you want.

    First off do not move out of the house and do not threaten to throw her out.

    How many children do you have? How long have you been married? Is the house in both your names? Does she work?

    For right now you need to stay as calm as possible and make a plan. I know your emotions are running high and your head is probably spinning but don't do anything rash, slow down and be smart and you will be okay.

    I have been where you are and I know how much it hurts to be betrayed like this. You are vulnerable right now so don't agree to anything without getting advice from a trusted source.

    Remember she has been cheating for some time and has emotionally checked out so she is way ahead of you on this, time to play catch up.

    Answer the questions I asked you and we can help.

    I am sorry but just know you and your children will be okay.

    Lost

  8. #7
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    Do not leave the house yourself.

    Move her out of your bedroom and put a lock on the door. Make sure all of her things are out of the room.

    Talk with a lawyer, actually the top 5 in your area and retain the best one.

    If your kids are old enough explain what is happening and why.

    Read the 180 and fallow through.

  9. #8
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    Also start carrying a VAR with you at home. If law requires inform your STBX that you have one and that you are using it for your protection.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You can have shared custody. The kids spend a week with you then the kids spend a week with her. There will be no child support needed. I suggest you do some digging and find out who she was with...you may need physical proof to win your court case.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by BigKinik
    Two weeks after my wife told me she wanted a Separation, I confronted her about infidelity and the possibility that I would need to be tested for an STD. She confirmed she has been having an affair but will not say how long or who it is with. Instead of a separation I am now seeking divorce. I could use some input, and just someone to talk to. She refuses to leave the house because she doesn’t want to lose custody of our children. I want to get as far away from her as I can. It’s not as if we haven’t been having problems for a long time, but I still wanted to try to make my relationship with her stronger while she was having this affair with me.
    She wanted a separation , in most countries , separation is the first step to divorce as you need to be separated legally for one year In order to divorce.
    I find it a little odd that you are claiming to want divorce over separation as if you are trying to gain control over the situation?

    You can get tested for STD’s if concerned , but you seem more concerned about when she started an affair over your own health? Why?
    Just get tested already.

    She does have a right to stay in the house as do you.
    Regardless of her actions.

    You said there were problems within the marriage for a long time yet you still wanted to work on it despite her affair.
    It sounds like you were aware of the affair before her request to split?

    I’m confused!

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