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Thread: My wife just admitted she’s been having an affair

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You can have shared custody. The kids spend a week with you then the kids spend a week with her. There will be no child support needed. I suggest you do some digging and find out who she was with...you may need physical proof to win your court case.
    This depends on where you live. Where I live, it is required to be calculated and paid based on wages and amount of time with child. Even if neither parent wants the child support, it is done either way. Sometimes, if wages are similar and the amount of the child support is very small, a judge can do away with it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Usa1ah
    Also start carrying a VAR with you at home. If law requires inform your STBX that you have one and that you are using it for your protection.
    What is a VAR?

    OP, call a lawyer!

  3. #13
    Gold Member Coily's Avatar
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    Lawyer!

    I would also start a running log of daily activities that are questionable, save emails, phone bills, etc. Don't allow yourself to be run out at this stage, be cordial and polite. She may try all sorts of "tricks" in order to paint you as the villain; the usual messy divorce type things. Unfortunately as the man you have to be very meticulous in how you do things, emotions and reacting are your enemy.

    Best of luck.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    What is a VAR?

    OP, call a lawyer!
    Voice activated recorder

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Lawyer. And a therapist. Not because you don't have reason to be heavily distraught, but that you need to maintain a clear head to not incriminate yourself should it comes to rigorous custody proceedings. Fortunately, joint-custody is becoming increasingly the norm, so in fairness to her, I'd have to know what her fear is in terms of "losing custody." If it's in the sense she'd lose it entirely, it's less concerning. If she laments having to split custody period, I think you need to listen to that and take it seriously. A whole lot of parents don't play nice nor fair when it comes to this kind of thing. The VAR may sound over-the-top, but it's probably worth it. Also in the meantime, don't threaten her. Don't kick her out. Preponderance of the evidence is to many a surprisingly low standard, and you need to do well to cover your bases and it's best not to provide any fuel, and to simply be the most decent man you can be regardless.

    I'm not going to label your wife a bad guy. For all I know, she could work with you and be just as fair as anyone should be. You still need to look after yourself. If you're aware enough that you've for a long time had issues in your marriage and that she's now been engaged in a full-on affair, I'd assume things are well done for. My default whenever kids are involved is to try counseling, even if just to say you gave it a session. I'd be in contact with your legal resources through any or all of it, though.

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