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Thread: Need some perspective

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2019

    Need some perspective

    Hey everyone,

    First to provide context. Together for a year and a half. 23yo female. 29 yo male (myself). Most times - steller. Some times - I'd shut down because her dependence was too much, especially for the last month until our breakup a few days ago. The reason for our breakup - she wants to find independence. Also I sometimes fail at communicating and engaging, especially if I'm being punished verbally because I'm being quiet (I am more of an introvert than an extrovert)

    What I love the most is that she is actually taking the time to better herself and find her independence.

    Whats the best way of going about this? I think NO CONTACT RULE re-enforces that sometimes I wasn't there for her in the sense of communicating. She would feel alone as a result of it. I also think that NOT CONTACTING her may help her find independence. She even explicitly started that she doesn't want silence between us.

    Do I contact her? Or don't I....It's been 3 days since our last text

    I want to show her now that I have learnt to be more vocal and engage more as a person. I'm just not sure how to start it off?

    Do I text a whimsical observation? I saw a toddler today staring at me and realised that kids have no fear!
    Do I ask a deep question? Do we really have free will?
    Do I ask a question that alludes to our relationship? - How would you display deeper connections to people?

    Thanks in advance :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Right now just leave her alone. Do not text rhetorical nonsense. Ultimately you're simply incompatible. She wanted meaningful consistent contact and you didn't, thinking it was clingy and annoying. Step back and reflect on what type of woman/relationship you prefer.
    Originally Posted by Hotpants
    The reason for our breakup - she wants to find independence.

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    An introvert is not someone that doesnít speak much.
    Instead an introvert is better at communication one on one than in a crowd.

    An extrovert can be shy and an introvert not so.

    But one on one communication is essentially the same for both introverts and extroverts.
    Your personality type that you place yourself into has no impact on your communication skills one on one.

    I doubt that she broke up with you to become more independent. She can do that within a relationship.
    I suspect itís more to do with the relationship becoming stagnant and that she got together with you too young 21/22.

    You have not in a mere 3 days learnt to be more vocal and engage more.
    You have simply recognised that you havenít done that in a year and a half and thatís what she wanted perhaps?
    But itís too little too late.

    Donít contact her.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    She even explicitly started that she doesn't want silence between us.
    Then leave any contact up to her.

    Head high, you can do this.


  6. #5
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    No Contact is your best friend! Donít worry, she will reach out to you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    So you changed your entire behavior in 3 days? Or you just bargaining with yourself and within 3 weeks of her coming back you will go right back to where you were.

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