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Thread: Getting her to talk to me

  1. #11
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    OP have you read what your post. You said several times you wanted to apologize to her but what can you say in person that you cant say over the phone or in an email? All you are doing is using the "apology" angle to get her to see you. What you are doing is about control and not about her. You can say Im wrong, but you are asking the forum if its okay to tell her to talk to you because of your anxiety.
    Have you for one min thought about her? You hurt this person and now you think by talking to you and having you text her and bother her about seeing her in person is a good thing? You don't think that seeing your texts or phone calls don't give her panic attacks? Right now all you care about it winning. Seeing her is a win for you. If you really want to say you are sorry, then you would let her go and have her live her life without you in it. That wouldn't be the best for you but it would be the best for her. What will you do?

  2. #12
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    If it was my Daughter's wrist that you broke, you would be in jail now!
    Leave her alone!

  3. #13
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    Thank you for your kind words and constructive advice. It is very appreciated and noticed. I plan on getting myself in as many programs as my schedule can handle in order to get better. I have contacted multiple sources for help and and currently awaiting appointments. I did not send the text as you advised, and I have been giving her the space she needs.
    Last edited by hatmessedup; 05-08-2019 at 10:58 PM. Reason: This post was a reply to ThatwasThen

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Do not own a pet or take care of a child, either
    I own my dog and she is perfectly fine. Thank you.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Yep all this excess stress and worry and trying to make things right is down too your PTSD. I know, I've been there and I never did anything like be abusive with my ex.

    I've said it on your other post but I will say it again here. You need to seek professional help for your trauma. I suggest seeing a normal therapist and then finding a EMDR therapist at the same time if possible. This will REALLY help you get better.

    Forget the talk and apologies for now she's not interested.
    Thank you, I am currently seeking as much help as I can get and hope to be able to get something along the lines of the EMDR therapy you have suggested. I appreciate your positive and constructive advice.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by trufo
    Most of the ones commenting here thus far are pretty harsh. We don't know the exact details of your relationship, but you have told us about your anger issues and lack of respect/equality in the months leading up to the event. It seemed pretty toxic until everything just blew up. We don't know if you were abuse/manipulative during the relationship, but most of the time that'll be the case (with people with anger issues).

    That being said, you need therapy. And truly not for her or for other people, once you truly want it for YOURSELF (and I mean, really, really want it just to improve yourself) things will change. How awesome would it be to have such a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, to truly lose that baggage that will get you in trouble all your life if you don't change? I hope you go forward with this!

    I know you want to talk to her, I know you want to explain it to her. And I also know you want to talk to her for your own sake and not for her sake. If she ever comes back, it won't be because it was you who initiated it. It'll probably be the opposite, you keep initiating and pushing her away. Remember it was you who forced the breakup, it can't be you to force a relationship. Give her space, work on yourself and let her do ALL of the initiating. No texts, no going to where she might be, no email or liking any of her social media. It also means you cannot contact her for ANY reason, that includes letting her know your self-improvement. She knows you're sorry, that you love her and that you really want to change. If she feels any love for you, I'm sure she'll find you. And once she finds you, you can show her you've really changed. That's the only way you get back together and give it any chance it could last.
    Thank you so much for your positive feedback. That is what this forum is about. People come here seeking advise, not to be further ridiculed. I appreciate that someone else noticed the harsh comments, which honestly was why I had not replied to anyone's posts up until this point. You have given the most contributable advice thus far by putting in perspective what I could have to look forward to once I've gotten the help and change. Thank you. I sincerely appreciate it.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Breaking someone's wrist is harsh.
    You seem to think the outcome of my actions was purposeful. I assure you it was not. Yes, what I did was uncalled for, but in no way was fracturing her wrist deliberate by any means. I take responsibility for what I've done, and I have not attempted to deflect from the injury I caused.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by No1
    OP have you read what your post. You said several times you wanted to apologize to her but what can you say in person that you cant say over the phone or in an email? All you are doing is using the "apology" angle to get her to see you. What you are doing is about control and not about her. You can say Im wrong, but you are asking the forum if its okay to tell her to talk to you because of your anxiety.
    Have you for one min thought about her? You hurt this person and now you think by talking to you and having you text her and bother her about seeing her in person is a good thing? You don't think that seeing your texts or phone calls don't give her panic attacks? Right now all you care about it winning. Seeing her is a win for you. If you really want to say you are sorry, then you would let her go and have her live her life without you in it. That wouldn't be the best for you but it would be the best for her. What will you do?
    Over the phone or email is impersonal. I could very easily say what I want to say over the phone or in an email, but that shows nothing and does not show true feelings of sorrow. I think about her constantly. I want to hug and console her and apologize to give her some sort of peace of mind. Think about it this way, an accidental injury to a child from a parent. Maybe the parent accidentally knocked the child down and they bumped their head. Even if the child thinks it was deliberate, it still calms their nerves by having the parent which knocked them down apologize and give them a hug. Thats how apologies work. People these days too often hide behind technology, and it's easy to say sorry without actually meaning it. A true apology comes from looking someone in the eyes, owning up to their actions, and actually apologizing.

  10. 05-08-2019, 11:17 PM

  11. #19
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    Um, you didn't accidentally bump into her. You pinned her down during an argument during which you also smashed some of her belongings into pieces.

    Please don't start minimizing. All that does is give the impression you don't think what you did was all that bad. That's a dangerous road to head down.

    She doesn't want to see you. If she did she wouldn't keep cancelling. Please respect that and leave her alone to come to you if she chooses.

  12. 05-08-2019, 11:30 PM

  13. #20
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    Originally Posted by hatmessedup
    So I previously posted a thread about the situation with my ex and how I messed up. I am looking for further advice.

    Since our incident and break up, my ex has told me that she was willing to see me and talk. We haven't gotten the chance to talk about what happened yet or discuss anything. I have been seeking from her a chance to talk so I can apologize for my actions, as well as ask for forgiveness and possibly see if we can work something out together. She has even suggested days where we could meet up, but ends up cancelling on me. She suggested Friday we get breakfast and talk, but Friday came around and she said it wasn't a good a good idea and she wasn't ready yet. So I told her I understand and that I would really like to get together so I can formally apologize to her. I said I would be ready when she is, and then I did not receive a response from her. It's now Monday, and I know it probably still has not been long enough for her to be ready. I really feel like we should talk and it is consuming my mind how badly I want to talk with her. I have to stop myself from crying in public every day because of how bad I want to have a conversation with her.

    I was thinking about sending her a text and saying "I know you said you needed more time before we talk, but this is honestly really getting to me. Please, after our 2 year relationship, would you give me the courtesy to sit down and talk with me soon?"

    Or should I give her more space? When is it okay to ask her again to have a conversation. It has already been a month since we broke up, and I am getting extreme anxiety from this.I fear her friends have been the ones telling her not to speak with me, which I don't think is fair and I think she should make her own decision to talk with me or not. Please, only positive, constructive advise.
    Just an add on to my original post here...
    First, I want to thank the individuals that actually gave positive, constructive advise. Thats what this forum is intended. I truly appreciate the help you have given me and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the advise and for your precious time.

    To the individuals which have commented, but gave some negative comments. This forum is for advice. So when people come here asking for advise, that is what you should give to them. CONSTRUCTIVE advice. People do not come here to be ridiculed or given negative advise. If you have something nice and positive to tell someone, then say it. But if not, shut your mouth. It's not a place to tell someone "If it were someone I know, you'd be in jail."

    On another note, one last thing to share. I realize that what I did is grounds for being in jail. And I know that I am very lucky that I am not in jail. For everyone's information, my ex's dad is a district attorney, so yes I know how lucky I am that I am not in jail. It's pretty obvious. Also, the night he took her to the hospital (that night) after hearing all of the details of what happened, he made sure that my name was not in the police report so that I would not be arrested. I also wrote an apology letter the very next day to her parents about my actions towards their daughter, as well as the result of my actions further inconveniencing them in the middle of the night. I also offered to pay any medical bills associated with my actions, and thanked them for the love they showed and gave me over the course of the relationship. I even asked them not to forgive me. They wrote back telling me that they do forgive me, they are not mad at me, they said I am a good man, and was a good boyfriend, and they hope that I get the help that I need, as well as offered to help me if I ever needed anything and I could always call them. I didn't even a return address on my mailed letter, because I didn't want them to write me back. So while a lot of you seem to think I am a complete horrible human being, her parents can see that this was a mistake and they have more humanity than some of you commenting on this thread.

    Again, this place is meant for positive and constructive advise to the people who are asking for help. Not a place for negativity. Thank you to the people who have put effort into leaving kind advice. Unfortunately, I do not think I will be returning back here due to the majority of the comments being negative.

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