Am I crazy?

I have been dating my GF for almost 2 years. It is a serious committed relationship. I have a situation and I am looking for advice to assist me in trying to figure out if I have an issue or I am making an issue out of nothing.... My GF leaves me her cell phone she uses for social media, some texting, and general internet activity. ( she has another work phone she uses as a primary phone). She leaves it to me on occasion when she goes out as it has an app on it to control the tv. I have noticed on both occasions she has left it with me, that she has deleted her instagram app, and her browser history both times prior to giving it to me... Should I be concerned about this or am I getting worked up about something I should not be?

I’m trying to put this into context.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Would you describe the relationship as healthy? Are you happy, still growing together, still excited? Has there been anything else—a sudden distance, a change in your dynamic—that has made you suspicious lately?

And, of course, the big one: Do you trust her?

Why don't you ask her?

Not in an accusatory way, more out of curiosity, I would, and have!

Gauge her response.

Whether she gives you a reason that sounds legit, or she tenses up, or she attempts to flip it back on you, her response will tell you everything you need to know.

It doesn't have to be this huge deal, like you're accusing her of anything; I just don't get why some men (and women) are so afraid to ask such questions of their partners.

If something is bothering you, for the love *, communicate!!

Same holds true for women.

I'm with Katrina. :)

You: "Babe, I notice that everytime you give me phone "A" you delete your Instagram app. Why is that?" Then listen and don't say anything until she does.

I'm with Katrina. :)

 

You: "Babe, I notice that everytime you give me phone "A" you delete your Instagram app. Why is that?" Then listen and don't say anything until she does.

Perfect!

.....

Great advice^^.

Thank you for the responses..... to address both, I believe I do trust her, but experiencing things like this make me think. I want to have faith, but things like that don’t make sense to me... My thinking is..... at the very least, there is something in both the Instagram account, and the browser history she does not want me to potentially see..... my real concern is what is it that she is so concerned that I see that she would temporarily remove the app, and delete her history?

Well, stop spinning in your mind and ask her, right?

I mean, I can sit here and spitball a handful of scenarios, but I worry all that's going to do is increase the spins. Like, maybe she knows you've got a paranoid streak, sees you asking for the phone as a kind of test, and doesn't want you snooping because she likes her privacy. Or maybe she had an ex who was super nosy and this is a holdover habit from that relationship. Or maybe she simply likes some places—digital and actual—that are hers and hers only. Or maybe, yeah, she's hiding something...

But, you see, all those tributaries just land you back in the same place.

One thing I have to admit I'm curious about: Do you not have a phone of your own that can control the TV? Does the TV not have a remote?

Thank you for the responses..... to address both, I believe I do trust her, but experiencing things like this make me think. I want to have faith, but things like that don’t make sense to me... My thinking is..... at the very least, there is something in both the Instagram account, and the browser history she does not want me to potentially see..... my real concern is what is it that she is so concerned that I see that she would temporarily remove the app, and delete her history?

Can you not see her Instagram profile when you are on your own phone or PC? And yes, does your t.v. not have its own remote?

Did you miss our responses advising you to just ask her?

Read ThatwasThen's response re how to phrase it so you're not accusing her of anything.

More just curious, perhaps she has a legit reason..

Rather than let it fester within until it drives you crazy? Which tbh already sounds like it has.

May I ask what's stopping you from asking her? Are you afraid of her reaction?

Being afraid to talk w your own partner is the kiss of death imo.

More just curious as is it quite strange imo.. But maybe she has a legit reason..

Funny—to me the strangest part is needing a partner's phone to use the television.

I know, right? You can actually buy a universal remote at any electronics store.

Funny—to me the strangest part is needing a partner's phone to use the television.

Lol, after reading your last response describing all the different scenarios, I deleted the "it does sound strange" part from my post.

My lordy, it could be anything!

And agree w you about him needing her phone to watch the tele!

I did see the advice to just ask her... in a non confrontational way.... I agree that is the simplest, yet most effective approach.

I haven’t asked her as I haven’t yet had an opportunity to speak with her since discovering...

As for the tv situation, it is some sort of new tech, where the programming is cast or streamed onto tv from app on smartphone.... It is new to us and in her home, so at this point her phone is the only “ remote”... lol

I think it's strange you have noticed these two deletions. If you weren't snooping through her browser history and searching through her apps, then you would never know about the behavior to begin with. I would bet the issues is that you don't trust her. Maybe you have a good reason not to, and maybe you don't, but there's no question that something is off in your relationship.

You can use any phone so long as you are added to the account.

Maybe do that instead of sharing a phone. Makes life easier.

I think it's strange you have noticed these two deletions. If you weren't snooping through her browser history and searching through her apps, then you would never know about the behavior to begin with. I would bet the issues is that you don't trust her. Maybe you have a good reason not to, and maybe you don't, but there's no question that something is off in your relationship.

I found this odd too. I guess I can see how Instagram being gone could just be “noticed,” but to know history was deleted requires a few clicks over the snooping hedge.

Anyhow, not trying to twist you into a knot, OP. The wall of trust between two is built slowly, and along the way a brick or two comes loose. When you can deal with those moments with grace—well, that’s the sweet stuff.

The only way you'd notice is because you are snooping. That alone could be why she deletes. Not because she has something to hide, but on principle, because you, OP, can't be trusted to mind her privacy and because you are crossing boundaries. This means that you are the kind of person who will create drama and turn a pebble into a mountain. Snooping is often related to insecurities that have nothing to do with the person you are dating, but rather your own personal issues and baggage. Who wants to deal with that? Her instagram....I mean you can see it if you want to outside of her phone. Again, I suspect that your gf is acting more to manage your snooping and insecurities rather than for any nefarious reason. Who wants to fight over nothing just because their partner has issues?

Personally, my browsing history is set to max privacy and will auto clear when I close the browser. Why? Because I hate the ad tracking. Like if I browse info about cars, I'll get bombarded with car ads. It's just annoying to me personally so I stop that with privacy settings. Nefarious? Only if you are selling ads.

Do you live together? Get the app on your own phone. Is there a reason you are looking for issues? Does she want marriage kids soon? Do you? Are you getting along? If she wanted to cheat she would use another device, not randomly delete content.

She leaves it to me on occasion when she goes out as it has an app on it to control the tv. .