Sudden feelings

Hello everyone, emm this is my first time using a forum to ask for advice, so please help me.

Here i go, so a little less than 3 years ago, i got in a relationship with someone i didn't love for two months, after realising it i broke up with him, and that hurts him a lot because he really loved me which made me feel awful.

I kept in touch with that person, we kept being friends somehow, or maybe a little more but well, there was no engagement, no responsability or whatever, i started liking him slowly but probably because of our last experience, he never took any real step toward me.

Last summer, someone new came to my life, he did everything to catch my attention, and made me attached to him, at that time my ex wasn't really in touch with me, we would talk occasionnaly or send each-other messages from time to time.

In september, i became that guy's girlfriend happily, he was caring and adorable, and made me forget my ex, but this one reappeared and got chocked by the news.

Now, it has been almost 9 months since i'm with my current boyfriend, we had good and bad times, and i know that i really loved him, i hurted him from time to time, and we happened to fight too, and it was okay, he had a lot of forgiveness... but recently, he would ignore me and isolate himself, and i just told him that it is frustrating and i don't like it, i oppened up myself to him (as i always do) and told him that he doesn't care about me lately, but he just said that it's his thing and that's all.

The thing is, it hurted me a lot. And i didn't mention it, but since my ex is a collegue at work, we still see each-other, and i don't know how it happened, but recently, because i was hurt, i noticed the way he cares about me, the way he looks at me when i'm looking away, the way he smiles when i'm around, and it just broke my heart.

I spent a whole night reading our old messages and crying, first of all, i'll make it clear, i'm not a cheater and nothing is happening between us, even though these sudden feelings are hurting me so much, and at the same time i'm still in touch with my boyfriend, not meeting properly, only on social media, he seems a little bit more caring but i'm confused.

Honnestly, i'm lost, i know and i'm sure that i loved my boyfriend and cared so much about him, i know that at first i had doubts, and felt bad when my ex got hurt again, but i wasn't really at fault because he was the one having expectations and doing anything, and i gave him hints so many times, and i showed him that i changed and regretted hurting him but he didn't show me that much interest, and now he's in my thoughts, and i feel guilty because it feels like cheating, everything is inside but i feel like i'm not honnest with my boyfriend, so please tell me if it's just a temporary thing, or does love really go away?

I know it is really long, and sorry about it but i feel as bad as this whole paragraph 😟

but recently, he would ignore me and isolate himself, and i just told him that it is frustrating and i don't like it, i oppened up myself to him (as i always do) and told him that he doesn't care about me lately, but he just said that it's his thing and that's all.

This is the core issue. You feel your current partner doesn't love you or respect you, and it's clear that when you've tried to communicate with him, he simply brushes you off. In my opinion, this is a deal-breaker and means you should end your current relationship.

And i didn't mention it, but since my ex is a collegue at work, we still see each-other, and i don't know how it happened, but recently, because i was hurt, i noticed the way he cares about me, the way he looks at me when i'm looking away, the way he smiles when i'm around, and it just broke my heart.

Your sudden feelings are due to the fact that your ex is displaying behaviors you wish your current partner would display towards you. The feelings for your ex are a way for you to escape from facing that your current boyfriend does not treat you the way he should. Stop looking for attention from a man that you only dated for a few months and didn't really like and leave the guy you are with now. You're complicating the situation unnecessarily because you're afraid of being alone.

This is the core issue. You feel your current partner doesn't love you or respect you, and it's clear that when you've tried to communicate with him, he simply brushes you off. In my opinion, this is a deal-breaker and means you should end your current relationship.

 

 

 

Your sudden feelings are due to the fact that your ex is displaying behaviors you wish your current partner would display towards you. The feelings for your ex are a way for you to escape from facing that your current boyfriend does not treat you the way he should. Stop looking for attention from a man that you only dated for a few months and didn't really like and leave the guy you are with now. You're complicating the situation unnecessarily because you're afraid of being alone.

100% agree

Neither are right for you. Take a break from dating and once you don’t need the validation of a partner you will find the right one.

Thanks for both of your answers, but telling me to break up with him caught me out of guard, i don't know why but i just can't picture myself without him, he's my first everything, first kiss, first time holding hands, first time sharing deep secrets, first real love probably... and i was being tortured by his lack of care and attention.

I guess i'll try for a little bit longer, and if it doesn't work i'll do as you said cause that's probably what meant to be.

Thanks also for enlightening me about my ex, the past needs to remain in the past ofc!

I hope that my heart will settle down! Thanks again and good luck.

Thanks for both of your answers, but telling me to break up with him caught me out of guard, i don't know why but i just can't picture myself without him, he's my first everything, first kiss, first time holding hands, first time sharing deep secrets, first real love probably... and i was being tortured by his lack of care and attention.

I guess i'll try for a little bit longer, and if it doesn't work i'll do as you said cause that's probably what meant to be.

Thanks also for enlightening me about my ex, the past needs to remain in the past ofc!

I hope that my heart will settle down! Thanks again and good luck.

I totally get your response. You need to live life and learn, and realize things on your own. There is nothing anyone can say to change your mind. My first love was everything... at the time. Your life will evolve in its own time, and you will figure it all out! If u aren’t ready to leave, don’t. Not because that may or may not be the “right” thing to do. But because from experience staying longer opens your eyes to lessons learned. I would never have found my husband if I didn’t stay with certain people that didn’t deserve me. It carved me into the person I am. Don’t feel bad, just go with your gut. Eventually life will work itself out. When you love someone so much it’s impossible to leave. It’s easy for outsiders to say “oh this is no good” (and they are most likely right) but you need your own growth experience to figure that out. But never stop looking for advice, it helps you grow. I hope the best for you