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Thread: Ex GF keeps contacting me

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lucid1
    Thanks for the response!

    So see has all the power by her being the one always contacting me and me ignoring her for the most part? I feel that I have the power as its my lack of contact that keeps her coming back to me lol. I may have to resort to asking her whats up. But I doubt she would honestly tell me because of her particular style of communication. Part of the reason why I'm asking for the insight from third parties.
    She, as far as we know isnt' starting threads about you. She is in your head and that means she is still holding the power in this dynamic. We could guess why she is doing what she does until the cows come home and still none of us would be doing nothing more than guessing the same guesses of yours.

    She misses you, its a common thing to do when someone who was once in your life is no longer there. It doesn't necessarily mean anything other than she misses you being in her life but "its still for the best" that you're not.

    Why did you break up? Why is it for the best that you did?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Trinity11's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lucid1
    Hey, thanks for the response! I've tried to do no contact for my own healing. My plan was going to touch base with her after 3 or 4 weeks to feel things out, and who knows, maybe we both put thought into each other and what happened that maybe we could reconcile. In the mean time I like to analyze the situation haha.

    It does seem that she wants my attention. But WHY is the question? :P
    But have you TOLD her that you plan on not answering her attempts at contact and stuck with it??
    Shes contacting you because she is use to having you there and now does not and its uncomfortable .
    Also if you do think you might like to reconcile and there were issues with the relationship I would definitely give it more than 3 weeks. You need more time to stop focusing your thought on the other person and start getting introspective, then once you do that, then you still need to work out those things that you did that can be improved and trust they have done the same. If she keeps reaching out, she is not working on herself and you are just getting distracted.

  3. #13
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    Either find out what she wants, or block her. I do not understand why you are prolonging all of this drama. Seems silly.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is exactly it, you're both playing games. She knows are you playing the 'ignoring you!' game for a while but eventually you'll respond/react ( so she knows you still care and that she gets to you). And you know she'll keep contacting you so you can just ignore her making you think she's chasing you. Right now you are getting the slot machine reaction from her. She pulls the lever because eventually there's a hit. It's just a game.
    Originally Posted by lucid1
    I have the power as its my lack of contact that keeps her coming back to me

  5.  

  6. #15
    I am experiencing something very similar right now and I relate to how you must be feeling. I think some replies you've received here are a bit thoughtless. It's easy to say someone's being silly or giving someone else power when you are not the one in the situation.

    My ex got in touch today by email, under the guise of sharing an interesting article with me. She ended our relationship (for the second time) in October and I have not made any form of contact with her since November. The second split was as amicable as possible, we wrote letters and read them to each other. We felt strongly about each other, but she ultimately was too unsettled in her life and has moved back to her home country.
    In the same time she has sent me 2 emails, added me on Linkedin, and the last contact was a text in February saying she was listening to a song and thinking of me, thanking me for the memories and hope I'm well. Both of our birthdays have come and gone since February with no contact, now this email today.

    I don't mean to make this about me, I'm just sharing that as a point of comparison. This is 7 months after her ending it, and yet she is still contacting me despite receiving no reply from me since November. It's been difficult for me to move on because I do still feel for her. But I have been exercising no contact for my own emotional healing. I have the same question as you. WHY after 7 months is she still contacting me when she was the one who ended our relationship?

    I think you have to maintain no contact for a lot longer than a few weeks, let it go to months. Be strict with yourself. Women, as men are often accused of, can also do this thing where they just want to know that they can 'have' you even if they don't want a relationship with you. It's also possible, as you say, that she is simply conflicted.

    The main thing for you is, what do YOU want? If you want to be with her, does she know that? If you don't, does she know that? Let it be known. Then let her deal with it either way.

    Men are often accused of being too cold and hard at one end of the spectrum, or too soft at the other. It's difficult to win. I think me and you lucid are just trying to be a good person who wants to use our capacity to love. Don't settle for less than the same from your partner.
    Last edited by Ricky3000; 05-11-2019 at 06:17 PM. Reason: Grammar and punctuation

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    No one's gonna comment on the fact that she's stalking him and it's creepy?!

    Dude, she's creepy! I understand texting and such, she might miss you, she might want to check on you, she might need an ego stroke, she might want to make sure you haven't moved on, she might want to still be in control. But driving by your house and watching you? Had it been a guy doing it to one of your female friends what would you advise her to do?

    And I don't care if she's an introvert and I do know how hard communication is, but stalking is beyond introvercy.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    She's not respecting your boundaries. You were clear that you needed time and space to get over the breakup. At this point, I would block her number. Healing and moving on should be your #1 priority.

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