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Should I take her back if she slept with someone whilst on a break?


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So first things first, we’ve been broken up for over a week now and it’s been the worst. She recently got back in contact explaining why she wanted to go on a break. She said she still loved me and that she needs more time but would like to get back together in the future.. If I was to find out she had slept with someone on the break I don’t know if I could bring myself to taking her back... can she really say that she still loves me and sleep with someone else? I’m not assuming it’s going to happen but she’s said she’s going to do whatever she wants (have sex with whoever). I’m just thinking about all possible outcomes. I just don’t know if I could get back with her if she had done it.. I really do love her but it’s already crushing me not being together. For me I don’t think I could bring myself to have sex with someone else, simply because I still have such strong feelings for her. Just feels wrong.

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I mean, obviously it is you making the decision here, but what I have learned too is that in anything, especially relationships, it is bad to let your emotions control your decisions. Yes, it is probably right for you to feel angry, confused, etc. All the emotions you are feeling now are probably normal, I would feel the same way too. But, at the end of this all if she still comes back to you, even after having sex with someone else, I feel like it almost shows she is choosing you over the others. Also, the fact that she is telling you that she might be going around is kind of a good thing I would say. I mean, her going out with other guys is obviously not the best thing, but the fact that she told you and will not being doing it secretly somewhat makes it better. So, what I would do is let the emotions run their course, then when you are emotionally grounded you can make your decision. Personally, I would not break up over it, but I am a big proponent for forgiveness and I am not you. Good luck with it man I am sure it will all work out.

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Why don’t you just not ask the question that you don’t want the answer to?? It’s really not your business anyways, because she’s not currently your girlfriend. You have nothing to gain by asking because if she has slept with someone, she’s either going to lie or you’re going to learn information that will cause you all sorts of pain for no reason (you can’t change it, it is what it is).

 

So instead of asking questions that do more harm than good, why not spend your time more constructively and focus on fixing the issues that caused the breakup, falling back in love, building trust, etc.

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Treat this as a break up and work on focusing on yourself and healing and moving on.

 

Her calling you up like that and telling you she might want to come back at some point...maybe....is nothing more than string-a-long talk. Just because she wants a safety net, doesn't mean you have to allow yourself to get used like that. The harsh reality is that you have no idea if she'll ever want to come back and even if she does, you'll be in a much better place to decide if that's something you want or not if you have been working on moving on. Healing and moving on will give you a much more clear perspective on the whole relationship because you would have had a chance for some emotional distance.

 

There is no point right now in spending your energy speculating what if's. What if she comes back. What if she was with someone else. Try to deal strictly with what is - you broke up and she is no longer a part of your life. So be good to yourself, spend time with friends, hit the gym, focus on work/studies/hobbies or find new stuff to do. Basically try to make yourself happy without constantly dwelling on your ex and what she is up to.

 

If any reconciliation is possible at all, it will be much better if you both come at it fresh, with a fresh mind and fresh perspective...and who knows....a month or two down the road, you might well realize that she wasn't all that and not want her back anyway. Right now, it's just all too raw and so hard to see.

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I’m torn, I would like to think I’m quite a forgiving person but I don’t want to be made a pushover. She knows how I feel about it and she knows that I would take her back in a heartbeat (that is if she hadn’t slept with anyone else). Just don’t want to be made a mug of. Appreciate the reply.

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Imo, you should break up with her permanently. If she wants to sleep with other people she should have made a clean break up instead of trying to keep you in the back burner by saying she "would like to get back in the future". You should never make a priority of any girl who treats you as an option like that, especially when she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Taking her back after such statements would only lead to more disrespectful behaviour in the future. If she really loved you, she wouldn't be pulling such crap.

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She doesn't want a break. She's leaving you on the back-burner as a second option. Do you want that?

 

That’s another thing, I feel like if she goes and sleeps with someone else then i definitely was left on the back burner but then if she doesn’t maybe it was just a break she needed.

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Imo, you should break up with her permanently. If she wants to sleep with other people she should have made a clean break up instead of trying to keep you in the back burner by saying she "would like to get back in the future". You should never make a priority of any girl who treats you as an option like that, especially when she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Taking her back after such statements would only lead to more disrespectful behaviour in the future. If she really loved you, she wouldn't be pulling such crap.

 

Was just about to say this^, Clio beat me to it!

 

Flipping roles, if my bf ever told me such a thing, I'd wish him well in his future pursuits and walk.

 

I'm just speculating but it sounds like she's got eyes for someone else, wants to be free to explore that, if it doesn't work out, wants to be sure you're still there to pick up the pieces.

 

I fully support your decision to not go there, to take care of you, and find a better gf.

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Why don’t you just not ask the question that you don’t want the answer to?? It’s really not your business anyways, because she’s not currently your girlfriend. You have nothing to gain by asking because if she has slept with someone, she’s either going to lie or you’re going to learn information that will cause you all sorts of pain for no reason (you can’t change it, it is what it is).

 

So instead of asking questions that do more harm than good, why not spend your time more constructively and focus on fixing the issues that caused the breakup, falling back in love, building trust, etc.

 

I feel like I would need to know, if she had then I was clearly left as a back up.

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Was just about to say this^, Clio beat me to it!

 

 

Flipping roles, if my bf ever told me such a thing, I'd wish him well in his future pursuits and walk.

 

I'm just speculating but it sounds like she's got eyes for someone else, wants to be free to explore that, if it doesn't work out, wants to be sure you're still there to pick up the pieces.

 

I fully support your decision to not go there, to take care of you, and find a better gf.

 

I’d love to be able to just say goodbye and walk but I honestly don’t know if I could, doesnt help being my first love (cheesy I know) it’s been made more obvious that I am most probability being strung along and expected to pick up the pieces but it comes back to the what if, what if she’s doesn’t and simply needed space... lost something good if that’s the case.

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I’d love to be able to just say goodbye and walk but I honestly don’t know if I could, doesnt help being my first love (cheesy I know) it’s been made more obvious that I am most probability being strung along and expected to pick up the pieces but it comes back to the what if, what if she’s doesn’t and simply needed space... lost something good if that’s the case.

 

Well yeah, it takes a lot of emotional strength, a decent level of self-esteem and self-respect, a desire to not be a "mug" (as you called it) and knowing you deserve better.

 

If you don't possess these qualities, work on developing them, otherwise you risk being taken for a chump in all your subsequent relationships!

 

Best of luck to you moving forward.

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I’d love to be able to just say goodbye and walk but I honestly don’t know if I could, doesnt help being my first love (cheesy I know) it’s been made more obvious that I am most probability being strung along and expected to pick up the pieces but it comes back to the what if, what if she’s doesn’t and simply needed space... lost something good if that’s the case.

 

It's her overall mindset that she wants to explore sex w other men, her desire to.

 

She doesn't just need "space," she told you this!

 

This, in and of itself, is troubling Imo.

 

If she were in love w you like you are w her, she would not have this desire.

 

So there is an huge imbalance w respect to your respective feelings for each other and where you want the relationship to go.

 

This would not be ok w me, is it ok for you?

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Who cares whether she slept with someone else on the break? It was a break. Holding a grudge for behaviours during that time is a red herring and a waste of energy. She's entitled to do whatever she pleases if this is a rocky relationship to start and you both weren't fully committed to each other. You might want to reconsider ever getting back with an ex after any break, considering that you aren't able to withstand the repercussions of what a "break" really means in the first place.

 

What matters is the way she's stringing you along. You're burning up your energies getting mad over the wrong thing.

Moving on is the best advice I can give. And don't let someone sap up your peace of mind so easily. This is long over.

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Well yeah, it takes a lot of emotional strength, a decent level of self-esteem and self-respect, a desire to not be a "mug" (as you called it) and knowing you deserve better.

 

If you don't possess these qualities, work on developing them, otherwise you risk being taken for a chump in all your subsequent relationships!

 

Best of luck to you moving forward.

 

Great advice, right here.

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This sounds like she is interested in some one else and told you she wants a break so she can take him for a test drive without cheating on you.

 

What are the reasons for the break? I bet they are pretty thin or non existent.

 

The problem with your question is that it hasn't happened yet. She hasn't slept with some other guy so you cannot answer the question yet.

 

If I were you I would do my best to see this as permanent and get on with healing and moving on with your life. The way she phrased the break as being able to do what ever she wants means she is telling you she plans on fooling around with other guys and if she gets bored with them then she might reconsider you.

 

I know it can be hard but don't just sit around waiting for her to come back, heal and then get back out there as it is pretty obvious that she isn't to heartbroken over all this.

 

Lost

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Break is code for she wants to mugambo with another man. But she likes having you on tap as Plan B.

 

Yuck. Move on, do not look back. You deserve better in life than being someone's back up plan. If she was in love with you then there is no way she'd want another man.

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