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Thread: Should I take her back if she slept with someone whilst on a break?

  1. #1
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    Should I take her back if she slept with someone whilst on a break?

    So first things first, weíve been broken up for over a week now and itís been the worst. She recently got back in contact explaining why she wanted to go on a break. She said she still loved me and that she needs more time but would like to get back together in the future.. If I was to find out she had slept with someone on the break I donít know if I could bring myself to taking her back... can she really say that she still loves me and sleep with someone else? Iím not assuming itís going to happen but sheís said sheís going to do whatever she wants (have sex with whoever). Iím just thinking about all possible outcomes. I just donít know if I could get back with her if she had done it.. I really do love her but itís already crushing me not being together. For me I donít think I could bring myself to have sex with someone else, simply because I still have such strong feelings for her. Just feels wrong.

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    I mean, obviously it is you making the decision here, but what I have learned too is that in anything, especially relationships, it is bad to let your emotions control your decisions. Yes, it is probably right for you to feel angry, confused, etc. All the emotions you are feeling now are probably normal, I would feel the same way too. But, at the end of this all if she still comes back to you, even after having sex with someone else, I feel like it almost shows she is choosing you over the others. Also, the fact that she is telling you that she might be going around is kind of a good thing I would say. I mean, her going out with other guys is obviously not the best thing, but the fact that she told you and will not being doing it secretly somewhat makes it better. So, what I would do is let the emotions run their course, then when you are emotionally grounded you can make your decision. Personally, I would not break up over it, but I am a big proponent for forgiveness and I am not you. Good luck with it man I am sure it will all work out.

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    She doesn't want a break. She's leaving you on the back-burner as a second option. Do you want that?

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Why donít you just not ask the question that you donít want the answer to?? Itís really not your business anyways, because sheís not currently your girlfriend. You have nothing to gain by asking because if she has slept with someone, sheís either going to lie or youíre going to learn information that will cause you all sorts of pain for no reason (you canít change it, it is what it is).

    So instead of asking questions that do more harm than good, why not spend your time more constructively and focus on fixing the issues that caused the breakup, falling back in love, building trust, etc.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Treat this as a break up and work on focusing on yourself and healing and moving on.

    Her calling you up like that and telling you she might want to come back at some point...maybe....is nothing more than string-a-long talk. Just because she wants a safety net, doesn't mean you have to allow yourself to get used like that. The harsh reality is that you have no idea if she'll ever want to come back and even if she does, you'll be in a much better place to decide if that's something you want or not if you have been working on moving on. Healing and moving on will give you a much more clear perspective on the whole relationship because you would have had a chance for some emotional distance.

    There is no point right now in spending your energy speculating what if's. What if she comes back. What if she was with someone else. Try to deal strictly with what is - you broke up and she is no longer a part of your life. So be good to yourself, spend time with friends, hit the gym, focus on work/studies/hobbies or find new stuff to do. Basically try to make yourself happy without constantly dwelling on your ex and what she is up to.

    If any reconciliation is possible at all, it will be much better if you both come at it fresh, with a fresh mind and fresh perspective...and who knows....a month or two down the road, you might well realize that she wasn't all that and not want her back anyway. Right now, it's just all too raw and so hard to see.

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    Iím torn, I would like to think Iím quite a forgiving person but I donít want to be made a pushover. She knows how I feel about it and she knows that I would take her back in a heartbeat (that is if she hadnít slept with anyone else). Just donít want to be made a mug of. Appreciate the reply.

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo, you should break up with her permanently. If she wants to sleep with other people she should have made a clean break up instead of trying to keep you in the back burner by saying she "would like to get back in the future". You should never make a priority of any girl who treats you as an option like that, especially when she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Taking her back after such statements would only lead to more disrespectful behaviour in the future. If she really loved you, she wouldn't be pulling such crap.

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    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    You're simply allowing yourself to stoop to her level by agreeing to be on stand-by while she shops around for a better deal. Either way, ask yourself what the prize is in this circus.

    Keep in mind that we teach people how to treat us....

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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    She doesn't want a break. She's leaving you on the back-burner as a second option. Do you want that?
    Thatís another thing, I feel like if she goes and sleeps with someone else then i definitely was left on the back burner but then if she doesnít maybe it was just a break she needed.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    Imo, you should break up with her permanently. If she wants to sleep with other people she should have made a clean break up instead of trying to keep you in the back burner by saying she "would like to get back in the future". You should never make a priority of any girl who treats you as an option like that, especially when she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Taking her back after such statements would only lead to more disrespectful behaviour in the future. If she really loved you, she wouldn't be pulling such crap.
    Was just about to say this^, Clio beat me to it!

    Flipping roles, if my bf ever told me such a thing, I'd wish him well in his future pursuits and walk.

    I'm just speculating but it sounds like she's got eyes for someone else, wants to be free to explore that, if it doesn't work out, wants to be sure you're still there to pick up the pieces.

    I fully support your decision to not go there, to take care of you, and find a better gf.

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