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Thread: I kissed a girl before we were official, what do I do?

  1. #1
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    I kissed a girl before we were official, what do I do?

    So I have a very unique situation, one I doubt anyone has heard before. To start things off, I have been seeing this girl for about 2 months, and have hung out about 6 times. Recently I have only seen her like one time in the past 40 days due to other commitments she has had. Now the thing is about this, next year, we are both going off to college and also this summer I am going away. she has agreed to come visit me, and our colleges are not far from each other so we have agreed to keep in touch, and maybe something will come out of it. We click very well and I really really like her, but obviously these circumstances of next year have got in the way of the relationship progressing. This weekend I went and visited my college. At a bar the group we were with was all couples for the most part accept for me and this other girl. When I went to the bathroom, one of the guys came up to me and told me she wants to dance with a guy, and he knew I was kindve talking to thisother girl and that it would mean nothing. I felt sort of bad for the girl, and so I reluctantly obliged. The whole time she kept mentioning how this does not mean anything. Later on in the night I drunkenly kissed the girl. She initiated, and I was very pressured into the situation and when I am drunk I have difficulty saying-no I kind of just let stuff happen (which is very bad, I know, but thats not the point of this). Had I been sober I am confident that I would not have done this, even when I was drunk I immediately regretted this, but I succumb to peer pressure easily when I am drunk.

    So, the question is, what do I do? We had a discussion about being official once, initiated by me, and she basically said that she is not looking for a relationship right now because of all the stuff going on in her life and college and me moving and all that stuff. She always talks about guys hitting on her to me so she does not think she is “cheating,” and before I went away this weekend she somewhat jokingly said something about not meeting any pretty girls this weekend, and I did not plan on doing that whatsoever. I do not think she would be able to find out about it unless I tell her, but I honestly am having difficulty living with myself after doing that. Was it even that wrong of me to do? I am honestly very new to relationships, and this whole one has been very confusing for me.

    Also, it should be noted that the girl I am “talking to” (as she says) and I have never had sex or anything really serious for that matter, just like little kisses and last time we hung out, she said “she wasnt looking for ‘sex’ right now,” basically saying she was not very interested in having sex with me, probably because she is not that serious about the relationship, but I do not really know. She also did not even kiss me last time we hung out because she did not want her mom to see, or something. The thing is too, like I said, I have not seen her much recently (never really saw her much to begin with) and she never really made a huge effort to put time aside to see me and when we made plans, she would kind of flake like a few hours before we were going to do something due to some very minor thing she had to do, like pick up her sister from a practice, so I do not think this is a very serious thing at the moment. Due to this part of me thinks I am under no obligation to tell her and that it would accomplish literally nothing, but the other part of me is ridden with guilt. Please help me!
    Last edited by OT630; 05-06-2019 at 12:28 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    You and her are not in a relationship, and she told you she doesn't want to be in one right now. You could have had sex with the girl when you were drunk and you wouldn't have done anything wrong.

    Stop overthinking anything to do with what you should or shouldn't be doing with the girl you like. Again, you are not dating her, so chill and have fun.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You are not official with this girl and she has clearly stated that she doesn't want to enter in a relationship with you. Therefore, you haven't cheated. It sounds though like she is a waste of time given that you are going to be leaving and she is not that interested anyway.

    Having said that, you need to drop using alcohol as an excuse for your actions. Succumbing to peer pressure like that could only be used as an excuse the first time around as it may have caught you by surprise. After identifying the cause though, if you do it again, it becomes a choice. No one is that interested if you kiss another girl or not so the peer pressure excuse sounds lame and ridiculous.

    You shouldn't be drinking to the point of losing total control. In my experience, it takes a huge amount of alcohol to reach that point, the kind that can hurt your liver and make you black out. Most of the times though, people who make statements such as yours do know what they are doing but are using alcohol as an excuse. No matter in which group you belong, you should stop. Either stop drinking so much, or grow a spine, take accountability and stop using alcohol as an excuse for your actions.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You're young, I get it, so you may think no one on the planet could imagine such a wild, harrowing, and "unique" situation.

    But, some real talk? There's not even a situation here to be thinking about. You're single. Wanna make out with someone, sleep with someone? Go for it, all good—assuming, of course, it's consensual.

    You owe this woman you're "talking to" absolutely nothing. You guys have a little vibe, a low-grade sizzle—great, whatever. Give it the occasional stir. Maybe it goes somewhere, maybe not. Life. Or, as the kids say, #life. Shrug emoji, you dig?

    In the meantime, do you, have fun, whatever that looks like. No guilt, no shame.

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    Ok I completely agree, I think I made it seem worse than it is though. I was not completely out of control my thinking ability was just lowered, and that is not really an excuse. But either way you seem to have said I did nothing wrong so there is no reason to use it as an excuse. It was stupid and thank you for calling me out on that. Im not saying it as like I drink a ton and cheat thing, but more of a doing stupid things that people tell me to do when I drink, and I need to be smarter when I do it. I dont have a drinking problem I have not drank in a while before the other night I just kinda let people push me around when I do and Ive started to realize it is a problem that I need to change. Also sorry if I am not replying correctly I literally just joined this site.
    Last edited by OT630; 05-06-2019 at 02:33 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Also, it should be noted that the girl I am “talking to” (as she says) and I have never had sex or anything really serious for that matter, just like little kisses and last time we hung out, she said “she wasnt looking for ‘sex’ right now,” basically saying she was not very interested in having sex with me, probably because she is not that serious about the relationship, but I do not really know.
    What do you want OP? Do you want a relationship with someone that is more available? Do you want a physical relationship with someone or just a friendship?

    Personally, I wouldn't hold out for someone that wasn't willing to commit to being in a relationship with me... life is too short for all dat.

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    Hahaha thank you for that reply. I think I’ve taken the whole situation way too seriously.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by maew
    What do you want OP? Do you want a relationship with someone that is more available? Do you want a physical relationship with someone or just a friendship?

    Personally, I wouldn't hold out for someone that wasn't willing to commit to being in a relationship with me... life is too short for all dat.
    No no no Im not like complaining about her availability or whatever, I just did not exactly know what she meant when she said that. I guess what I want is to keep talking and see if it goes anywhere when we are in college, but a full on commitment I think might end up being a problem. She has said that she wants it to work out and like if I was not moving and going to different colleges it would be a way different situation, but that is not the case.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Just keep talking to the girl you like. This other one is just side business, nothing special. Don't worry so much about it! You're too paranoid. Of course, you are entitled to sleep with whomever you want. You are not committed to anyone. Just keep your business to yourself and don't blabber about your love life to your friends. Be discreet and enjoy your life. Stop worrying so much.

  11. #10
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    If drinking inhibits your ability to say no, then you are not mature enough to handle the responsibility of drinking around other people.

    Secondly, you didn't cheat.

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