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Thread: He cheated and is now with her - why cant I let go?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    This is awful, disgusting, and despicable. There are no other words to describe this cheating bottom-of-the-shoe scum that he is. He wrapped you up in lies with a pretty bow, while he lied to her as well.

    I’m so so SO sorry you are going through that, and I wish I could give you a hug.

    Unfortunately, this will just take the time it takes, to heal.

    I saw a meme that I wished I had followed years ago:
    “Leave after the first lie”.

    Your instincts were correct. Next time, you will be sharper and you’ll leave sooner. This piece of shyt lies straight to your face, but then spoke of future and how wonderful you were in the next moment, which threw you off. It would throw anyone off, so don’t beat yourself up over that.

    Just know that your instincts were spot on. You can move on, knowing that you won’t have to spend a lifetime of looking over your shoulder.

    She DID win! She won a lying piece of SHYT!! Good for her!

    And you won the freedom to find a nice, honest guy. They’re out there.

    There is no “Get over it” advice that makes sense. This will just take time. Cry, kick, scream, and cry some more. This sucks, and I’m sorry.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    Your ego is just bruised. Let it go. Dwelling and ruminating on the injustices of it and becoming bitter over it just sinks you down to his level. It's not worth it. Every person who lets you go or whom you let go puts you one step closer to finding your real path in life and a better man for you. This is just a tiny pebble on a beach. He's nothing but a pea-sized bump in the road. Move on.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Maybe her ego is bruised...maybe she was just in love?

    We all love differently, and when someone is going back and forth...giving enough to lead someone on, but not fully investing...it can wreck havoc on someone.

    Good luck on the healing process. :-(

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Now, 7 months after the discovery, he is back together with her and has since told me that he no longer wants anything to do with me.
    Why would you still be in contact with him 7 months after the discovery? Questioning 'normalcy' starts there, because sticking around anyone who's still messing with an ex is beyond a 'red flag,' it's a giant neon sign for any healthy person. It's got a skull and crossbones on it and it says, "Run away!"

    My own private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still in contact with an ex, in any way, shape or form, beyond shared children. You've learned WHY, but it's not just about his disloyalty. It's about your gut feeling that made you miserable the whole time--that's no way to live. It told you something important, but you didn't heed it--you stayed involved with the guy. That's no way to respect yourself, and no lover will respect someone who doesn't respect herself.

    Next time you meet anyone who's still involved with an ex, tell him that you adore him and can picture the two of you dating in the future, and that's why you're walking away while you both still think highly of one another. He can take all the time he needs to finish his old business, and if he ever finds himself completely over, free and clear of all exes, and he's completely our of contact with any of them, he can let you know. If you're still available then, maybe you'll meet to catch up. Meanwhile, you wish him the best--and move FORward.

    Any guy worth keeping will have no trouble catching up to you AFTER he finishes old business. Otherwise, you're involving yourself in someone else's breakup, regardless of how long he 'says' they've been apart. Nobody who is still in contact with an ex is dating material, much less relationship material.

    Head high, and consider hiring a therapist to help you move beyond this. We all make mistakes in dating--so the choice you'll need to make is whether to use the experience to gain clarity about your value and confidence that you will never compromise your value for anyone else again, or whether you'll use the experience to damage yourself and squelch your future enjoyment of learning how to date and love again.

    It's a decision.


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