Hoping to say i am sorry and make amends

I have been feeling depresses because I hurt a co worker and I cannot even appologize because she does not want to talk to me and I have to respect that (She did walk bye me the other day and rubbed my back a bit but I thought it best to leave that alone and only speak to her when she wants to speak to me. So I am leaving that alone, So while I know what I am about to say is NOT going to fix anything between me and her I just decided to do something nice for others since I cant fix this things between me and my friend, So last week I bought lunch for my co workers on my other job (That she is not one of) and this week I am buying lunch for all of my co workers and Yes she is one of them, I am NOT making any gestures of apologizing or anything like that I am just buying lunch (Pizza,KFC that sort of thing) I will admit that I am kind of hoping that bye doing something nice for everyone that it will soften her heart a bit so that maybe that day or another day down the line I will at least maybe get the chance to offer an apology and make amends if I can (No explanations unless she asks for one) Am I wrong or right for thinking this way and Yes I am okay if this does not soften a heart a bit because although I will be disapointed it will help me let go and move on because I tried something.

I have been feeling depresses because I hurt a co worker and I cannot even appologize because she does not want to talk to me and I have to respect that (She did walk bye me the other day and rubbed my back a bit but I thought it best to leave that alone and only speak to her when she wants to speak to me. So I am leaving that alone, So while I know what I am about to say is NOT going to fix anything between me and her I just decided to do something nice for others since I cant fix this things between me and my friend, So last week I bought lunch for my co workers on my other job (That she is not one of) and this week I am buying lunch for all of my co workers and Yes she is one of them, I am NOT making any gestures of apologizing or anything like that I am just buying lunch (Pizza,KFC that sort of thing) I will admit that I am kind of hoping that bye doing something nice for everyone that it will soften her heart a bit so that maybe that day or another day down the line I will at least maybe get the chance to offer an apology and make amends if I can (No explanations unless she asks for one) Am I wrong or right for thinking this way and Yes I am okay if this does not soften a heart a bit because although I will be disapointed it will help me let go and move on because I tried something.

without context of an issue, I don't understand whats going on. However in general buying something for someone really doesn't do it. Even more if you do it for the entire group of people. She'll just think you are doing it for everyone and won't think nothing much more.

This is the second thread you've posted and not talked about what it is you did. I know this much, you are obsessing over her in a creepy stalkerish manner, and not telling us what you've done gives it that much worse of a vibe.

I wrote a personal letter on her facebook wall because I felt she was ignoring me I did post about that elsewhere. What I did was unforgivable and the friendship is over. I accept that However I do feel the need to at least offer to make an apology if I can get the chance. I do NOT want to do anything FOR her because as someone on the other post said then I am forcing or trying to force her to accept my apology I DO NOT WANT THAT. I cannot fix what I did, By doing something for others and that includes the coworkers that she is not a part of like I did last week and the one's she is a part of this week. You are probably right in saying that doing something for everyone will not have an effect on her and I AM OKAY with that because doing something nice for others will not change what I did to hurt her or fix anything but it will help me move on and let go. but if she does give me a chance to apologize because buying Pizza or KFC for everyone put her in a good mood or better mood that she would be open to listen to me apologize. All I know is that I need to do this FOR MYSELF. Because if it opens up the door so I can say I am sorry GREAT. (even if she does not accept all I can do is offer and offer to make amends) and even if she does not give me that chance well that if OKAY too and either way I can move on and stop trying to hide me face because my eyes water up when I walk past her sometimes because I am truly sorry but as someone once said Sorry does not fix the lamp and I should have thought of it before I did what I did and I deserve to feel the way that I do.

I wrote a personal letter on her facebook wall because I felt she was ignoring me I did post about that elsewhere. What I did was unforgivable and the friendship is over. I accept that However I do feel the need to at least offer to make an apology if I can get the chance. I do NOT want to do anything FOR her because as someone on the other post said then I am forcing or trying to force her to accept my apology I DO NOT WANT THAT. I cannot fix what I did, By doing something for others and that includes the coworkers that she is not a part of like I did last week and the one's she is a part of this week. You are probably right in saying that doing something for everyone will not have an effect on her and I AM OKAY with that because doing something nice for others will not change what I did to hurt her or fix anything but it will help me move on and let go. but if she does give me a chance to apologize because buying Pizza or KFC for everyone put her in a good mood or better mood that she would be open to listen to me apologize. All I know is that I need to do this FOR MYSELF. Because if it opens up the door so I can say I am sorry GREAT. (even if she does not accept all I can do is offer and offer to make amends) and even if she does not give me that chance well that if OKAY too and either way I can move on and stop trying to hide me face because my eyes water up when I walk past her sometimes because I am truly sorry but as someone once said Sorry does not fix the lamp and I should have thought of it before I did what I did and I deserve to feel the way that I do.

You keep saying that you want to make amends for something no one knows what you did. However in your post you keep saying you want to fix things with her or you hope that this gesture will help you soften her up a bit so that you can have some sort of communication with her.

Listen to yourself what you are saying. If you are truly sorry for your actions, you would be concerned of her feelings and yours second. You don't need to soften her up to apologize for something that you have done to her. You don't need to buy anything and try to get her in a good mood.

Catch her at a time when her mood is above average, then get her alone and tell her that you would like to apologize for your actions. If she does accept then great, mission accomplished, if she doesn't then bummer but at least the apology is out there. Short, sweet and simple.

You cannot buy anyone's forgiveness by buying them lunch no matter what the cost, giving gifts, flowers or whatever. When you try to buy favoritism or forgiveness, you will be taken advantage of despite your sincere gesture.

Of course, people love a free lunch because it's less money out of their pocket but at the same time, you'll be perceived as a doormat. You'll be liked for several seconds and then your relationship with others whether colleagues, friends, acquaintances, family (relatives / in-laws) or whomever will simply return to the same state as it was before. There is no change and you will become sorely disappointed.

Since your co-worker does not wish to speak with you nor give you a chance to apologize, prove your remorse, regrets and sincerity by how you behave everyday. Act natural, remain cordial, respectful, polite and well-mannered. Show your sincere, healthy boundaries with her and everyone. That's how you will be noticed over time. Behave. Don't bother her nor anyone whether in person or electronically. Know your bounds with others. Give people space. This will take time. Keep in mind actions speak louder than words. This is your way to convey that your new behavior is sincere, honest and pure.

Be kind and nice to everyone but don't demonstrate over zealous behavior. You'll appear suspicious because it is unnatural to behave with over zealous behavior. Most people do not buy lunch for everyone or their coworker. Your gesture will backfire. Buying food for everyone is showing over zealous behavior because it is unnatural and most people do not do this. If you buy food for everyone, you're deemed the sucker. Of course, they'll enjoy their free meals but you certainly will not reap any rewards whatsoever. They'll simply enjoy the temporary money they are saving at your expense. You are the one who will end up getting hurt because you will NOT receive the type of response you are anticipating.

Your story is reminiscent of when I was a little girl. In the school yard, I would bribe others to like me by giving them lots of candy during recess. Of course, they liked me temporarily as long as I gave them medium-priced candy (not cheap candy) to school on a regular basis. However, once I ceased candy giving, I reverted back to my unpopular state all over again. This is what I mean when I say you cannot buy people's favoritism because sooner or later you'll run out of money and resources to continue winning them for the wrong reasons. Also, keep in mind, you're winning people's favoritism on a temporary basis and you cannot buy respect and admiration. They'll only look at you as their free meal ticket and nothing else. The joke will be on you.

Don't set yourself up for hurt and never kiss anyone's rear end in order to be liked. You're wasting your time and money on people who will not give you the respect you crave.

All you can do is be a better person by your new behavior and put the past behind you because it's history. Prove your self worth by being a good, very decent, honorable person. That's how you win people back into their good graces.

but if she does give me a chance to apologize because buying Pizza or KFC for everyone put her in a good mood or better mood that she would be open to listen to me apologize. All I know is that I need to do this FOR MYSELF. Because if it opens up the door so I can say I am sorry GREAT.

You contradict yourself. You are not doing this for yourself. You are doing it for her.

Really want to show you are sorry? Move on. Show her you actually understand what you did through your actions of leaving her the heck alone.

If you have already attempted an apology and she told you she wasn’t interested then let it go.

If you haven’t, ask her if she is okay with one and if not, let it go.

If she has told you the friendship is over then let it go.

I don’t think you understand what it means to make an amends. A true amends is acknowledging what you did wrong and the behaviours you acted on that hurt her and making a commitment to be a better person. It’s not about her forgiving you it’s about you letting go of the past and using it as a learning experience to be a better person going forward. You are simply trying to get her to hear your apology which is to say you want her to absolve you so you don’t have to feel guilty anymore... the opposite of an amends.

The theme here is stop trying to manipulate the situation. Trying to buy her happiness is inappropriate and completely misses the point of acknowledging what you did wrong.

She did walk bye me the other day and rubbed my back a bit but I thought it best to leave that alone and only speak to her when she wants to speak to me.

Her gesture was kind and demonstrates that nothing further is required of you. She doesn't want to speak with you because she knows you are fixated on her and she doesn't want to encourage that. It's not healthy for you, and it's not healthy for her. So leave it alone, and stop ingratiating yourself with everyone. It will ruin you financially, and over time it will only make your obsession obvious. That's the thing that can cause more trouble instead of alleviating it, which she's already done by her gesture. So take THAT as your sign that there's nothing more to say or do, and just leave her alone.

If you press this issue, it will become an issue, and that's unnecessary. She's not interested in pursuing your friendship, so leave it at that, because any attempts to manipulate her will backfire and cause you a problem that doesn't need to exist.

Let it go, and read my sig. vvvv

I never thought of that I am not saying I am not going to do what I said I am going to do BUT I will at least have to do more thinklng on it. The one thing I am going to do is block her profile on my facebook because even though we are not friends seeing it is just a reminder of how I messed up a good friendship and it is hard enough having to see her at work.

If she's a painful reminder of how you went awry with your actions and blocking her will help prevent negative memories, then block her.

We all make mistakes when it comes to interacting with others whether it's colleagues / coworkers, family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or anyone. It's life. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and become a better person. You become wise and know better. You behave better and exercise self control. Granted, it's uncomfortable facing coworkers daily. All you can do to avoid awkwardness is to behave graciously ALWAYS.

It's not about buying lunch for her or others. You can't buy respect. Respect is earned. Just behave with consistent class, poise, aplomb, very good manners, civility and peace. Over time, you will receive respect. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember 'The Golden Rule' and you will be fine. Don't be so hard on yourself.

She forgave you by moving on. Keep in mind forgive doesn't mean trust and forget. Forgive means to move on and she did. Forgive also teaches us how to enforce healthy boundaries with others. Live and learn.

Everything in life has harsh consequences. It was not all in vain. Learn from your mistakes, get up, brush yourself off, become an honorable, very decent human being and you will navigate your behaviors wisely.

This is more than likely the end of the story, I had thought about whether or not to do what I said I was going to do and I did decide to do it THEN call it what you want God working in mysterious ways (I'll go with that) or fate or whatever you want to call it stepped in to change my plans. The first thing that changed was that we have an early start time and we are going to be extra busy because of mother's day and then another co worker told me that she is throwing another co worker a surprise birthday (Maybe what I did for the one who is not talking to me gave her the idea I did not ask.) So I decided to put it off until the next day I go on vacation at the end of June. (I still want to do that for my coworkers no matter what does or does happen with her) So I decided that I was going to bite the bullet and at least apologize, So I waited for a moment where she was working alone and I walked up to her and Yes my voice was shaking and I thought I was going to break down but I kept together as best I can, I said to her, I am sorry and she said For what and I said to her you know and I said I do not want to say anything that is going to take away from my apology (I was afraid if I did I would start overexplaining and defending myself and I did not want that, I JUST wanted to apologize and then I said I know that you do not want to talk to me anymore and I promise I will never bother you again and I turned and walked away, That is what I am going to do. The only times I will speak is if she eves says hello (I do not think I should ever say hello first) and if I have to talk to her about work (and no I will NOT be creating work situations where I have to talk to her) It is good that we are not friends anymore because right now I am/was a negative in her life and I ONLY wanted to be a positive, So I am going to regroup myself when I am off next week and When I go back to work I am going to go back to being what I was before I let my heart get the better of me and that is someone who works hard and helps my co workers when I can. As for my former friend I have no illusions I know that writing a personal letter on her face book wall is something that I do not believe that she will ever forgive bur even though that is probably the case at least I can show her that this horrible experience is going to make me a better person in the long run I hope at least I am going to try, Thank You everyone

Well it turns out I do have one more thing to share But before I do I 100 percent intend to stick with what I said I am going to do in my last post. I just want to say that today was one of the happiest days I have had since I went into this malaise of anxiety, panic and depression or whatever you want to call it over my former friend, Now I do not know of course if things would have went good or bad if I had bought lunch like my coworkers but I KNOW things went great that I did not do that, Now nothing spectacular happened and we are still no longer friends BUT I got a teeny tiny glimmer of hope that maybe just maybe someday our friendship can renew, I know I cant hang my hat on it BUT it is something where I thought there was nothing. Another co worker was telling me about her relationship problems (Yes for some reason People tell me their problems I guess because I am a good listener and that helps others sometimes) Anyway My coworker and I were sitting there talking about her problem when my former friend came to get something and she (from my perspective) gave me kind of an awkward smile and I did the same back, No words were spoken.. But it was the first time I saw any smile from her in my dorection, Id she really was smiling at me I can only speculate why. Maybe it was the fact that I apologized yesterday. Maybe it was the fact that the birthday party that another co worker threw another co worked reminded her of when I did that for her, Maybe both were factors maybe it was something else,and maybe it was nothing. But I have a bit of hope and that is good enough for me