My girlfriend cant get over her ex boyfriend (What can i do?)

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year and everything seemed to be going smoothly. Before we started dating she dated this guy for about a week and then he basically ignored her. She also lost her virginity to him. She found out that he was the kind of individual that pushed people away when he was depressed which is what he did to her for months. She kept sending him messages but he kept ignoring her. She told me that she was hurt by this which is understandable. This happened for about 3 months and then decided to "break up" with him and she started liking me. We ended up dating for over a year however during the summer (4 months) we live far apart and theres no chances in visiting.

We started dating a month before the first summer. After the 4 months, school started and everything was great. We were both happy and school was stressful but it was fine because we spent alot of time together and we would sleep over at each others. Maybe 2-3 times at most during the year she would be upset on a random day and then she and I would have this talk which is about her ex boyfriend and how she cant get him off her mind. She tells me that she loves me and I believe her, but on some days she says that she cant stop thinking about him. She told be that she blocked him on Facebook, instagram and everywhere. I thought that would be the end of that. One day she tells me that she unblocked him or something, not sure how it happened but that her ex messaged her saying sorry and how he doesn't understand why she has to block him and how he hurt her so much. She told me that she didn't know what to do so eventually they ended up meeting up to talk for about 20 mins and she told him that she was dating me and that she doesn't want anything to with him. However, her ex tells her that even though he dated other girls he kept thinking about her and that he would be waiting for her if anything were to happened between her and I (IMO an extremely move).

Now its summer again and her and I are apart. One of our friends told my girlfriend that she saw my gf's ex on Tinder and might still be in the city for the summer, however we are not sure if he is actually staying. My gf told me that the reason she thinks that she cant get over him is because he told her that he would wait for her and that gave her the thought that there's someone who cares for her. She tells me that she does not want to get back with him. She says that she wants to get rid of this guilt and pain really badly and she thinks that the only way to get rid of it is to get back together with him but then she knows that she will miss me and that I will basically become the new him. My girlfriend believes that she has depression and school is causing her alot of stress. She just wants all of it to end.

It's complicated, I know and I want to be with my girlfriend and she tells me that she wants to be with me. I truly believe that. Her and I are not "frat" people and I believe that we truly love each other, but her ex is just causing us troubles. What can i do in this situation? What should I do in this situation? Thanks for reading all of this. If there's anything you'd like to know, please let me know. I'll answer.

If you want replies please break up that wall of text into paragraphs, it's way too hard to read.

thanks for the tip

Her ex is not the problem. She is. She has allowed him to stay a part of her life. Stop making him the bad guy because you have rose-colored glasses on with your girlfriend.

I don't tolerate a partner keeping in touch with an ex, especially one who they have no closure with and most of all, when they are speaking of a possible future together.

I also would tell a partner that I can't be with someone who doesn't have 100 percent confidence in being with me after a solid year together.

You're both too immature. She's too immature to know how to behave in a serious relationship. You're too immature to walk away from someone who lacks integrity and is having an emotional affair with someone else.

Be alone for a while and concentrate on your education. When you get some time and distance away from this toxic situation, you will wonder why you stayed so long.

How could they date one week, but break up months later? That makes no sense!

It is not complicated. She is not over this guy. You should end this, as she seems to care for him, more than you. You are a rebound.

You deserve better than this. She is having an emotional affair with him. Very disrespectful to you.

" the only way to get rid of it is to get back together with him" She told you this and you are still hanging around! Where is your self respect. You should have walked!

She does not love you. She is the problem, not him.

Dude, you need to just walk away from her. You find her drama intoxicating. To be candid, you should date other women. Eventually you will find one that is not into hanging onto every guy who gave her attention.

Have some self respect, don't hang onto this girl. Enjoy your college experience unfettered by crap like this.

You should let her go, OP. She doesn't love you the way you love her, and has even told you she thinks she wants to get back together with him. This one isn't in your hands, so there is really nothing you can do to rectify this. She is not over him and wants to be with him. My guess is as soon as he gives her the green light for something more serious, she will return to him.

This isn't going have a happy ending for you if you stick around. Her heart and mind just aren't with you and a break-up is virtually inevitable. If you don't call it a day, sooner or later, she will.

She obviously had some fairytale image of what life would be like.

Meets the love of her life, loses her virginity to him and lives happily ever after!

But turned out that her Prince Charming who she willingly had sex with within a week ghosted her cos he got what he wanted. He is still happy to have sex with her now but he is not pursuing her , because he has no interest in her except for sex.

She sought solace in you. How long are you going to provide that?

Have you and her been intimate?

I know it's easy to say and I've done this in the past too, but try avoiding have relationships with people who simply settle with you. She seems to be settling with you and fantasizing her ex as "the one that got away". This won't end well for you.

You know, to me and it might sound crazy, an emotion affair is so much worse then a physical affair.

Have you ever had a woman who just looks at you and you know she is in love with you?

Have you ever had a woman who does things for you even if you didn't ask to because she just wants to and whatever that thing is big or small? she was thinking about you the entire time doing it.

A woman's true affection is intoxicating and the best feeling in the world. This is the part of an element that you are missing from your relationship, she is depriving you of it because she is constantly thinking about someone else.

The answer is simple. Walk away, no matter what she says just walk away, you'll never have this with this woman.

I agree with the previous replies that stated that the real problem lies with your gf and not with her ex. She is not over him and that renders her emotionally unavailable to you. If she lost her virginity to him and never got the chance to really get to know him, she probably has overidealized him and has trouble letting go of the fantasy she has created in her mind. Regardless, if a year on she is pining over him so openly, sadly she is not ready for a healthy relationship and that's a good reason to break up.

 

It's complicated, I know and I want to be with my girlfriend and she tells me that she wants to be with me. I truly believe that. Her and I are not "frat" people and I believe that we truly love each other, but her ex is just causing us troubles. What can i do in this situation? What should I do in this situation? Thanks for reading all of this. If there's anything you'd like to know, please let me know. I'll answer.

No it's not complicated at all. She's into someone else. All her talk is just 'blah blah, drama and BS' Raise your standards.