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What should I do in this situation?


themoon

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I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. I thought it went well- we talked for 4 hours, he kissed me goodnight and asked to hang out the following Saturday and suggested a place we could get together.

 

After that he did not message me all week and Saturday came and passed. I texted him on Sunday and he did not acknowledge the Saturday "plans" and he said he wanted to get together the same night. I simply asked what his plans were and he stopped replying.

 

Given that he was flaky on plans twice and did not contact me all week is it safe to assume he is just not into me? I am hurt and confused- why suggest we meet up only to not follow through?

 

At this point I need to force myself to move on unless he actually shows interest but I really liked him and wanted it to work out but we can't even get to date two.

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Force yourself to move on from what? You went on one date.

 

After he blew you off on Saturday, you should NOT have contacted him. He showed you who he was at that point and that you were insignificant to him. Please do not that again.

 

I hope to god that you do not respond if he reaches out. Show yourself some self respect!

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lol Move on from thinking about him and wasting my time posting on a forum. I never felt such an instant connection with someone on a first date in my whole life. You think if he attempts to reach out that I shouldn't even bother replying?

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He blew you off twice. It does not matter if you had a connection. It is concerning that you would have anything to do with someone who has treated you so disrespectfully.

Do you usually allow men to treat you badly? You do not seem to value yourself very much.

 

He does not respect you! I cannot believe that you would respond. I would have blocked him.

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You are wasting your time thinking about it. He might like you enough to chat with you for that long, but if he was interested, he wouldn't have ignored you.

 

Dating is a tough world, so learn that you gotta have thick skin going in and move on when someone doesn't follow up.

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You're right, it's a tough world. I left a 5 year relationship a while ago and put a lot of work in to get over it and finally be able to put myself out there and date again so I am definitely rusty on these things and probably a bit sensitive.

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You need to instill stronger boundaries. If someone blows you off, be done with them. Do not contact them. They have already shown you who they are. If you see questionable behavior of any kind, do not excuse, but move on. Lastly, stop with the early attachment . It was one date. You did not know this guy. At all!

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I sent him one text- that's it. It's not like I blew up his phone. I know now to stop trying. And as far as being attached I never do that. My whole life I've always been skeptical, guarded, hard to open up to people, untrusting. In past relationships it took me months and months to get attached to a guy. For some reason this guy was different and I felt completely myself around him. That's never happened to me upon just meeting someone in my whole life. So yeah, I got a little attached to the idea of dating him further.

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Why would you text a guy who flaked on loosely made plans the day after???

 

Even IF he got ran over by a bus , was in a coma , it is still up to HIM to contact you.

 

Have a little self respect. You will get the respect from others willing to only once you respect yourself and your time.

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I sent him one text- that's it. It's not like I blew up his phone. I know now to stop trying. And as far as being attached I never do that. My whole life I've always been skeptical, guarded, hard to open up to people, untrusting. In past relationships it took me months and months to get attached to a guy. For some reason this guy was different and I felt completely myself around him. That's never happened to me upon just meeting someone in my whole life. So yeah, I got a little attached to the idea of dating him further.

 

 

You probably shared a lot more then intended, felt like he was easy to talk to. All the while he probably didn't really have any interests at all, which you didn't know. Either way, whats done is done, go to the next one.

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Rule out flakes like this swiftly. It prevents burn out. Stop communication and keep meeting others. People are meeting a bunch of people, it likely has nothing to do with you.

Given that he was flaky on plans twice and did not contact me all week is it safe to assume he is just not into me? I am hurt and confused- why suggest we meet up only to not follow through?

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If someone blows you off, chalk him off as a flake and don't bother contacting him or accepting contact beyond a profuse apology followed by a request and immediate behavior to make it up to you.

 

Who blows people off? Drug addicts, alcoholics, and teenagers--or adults who've been stunted into a teenage mentality. None of those would be on your list of desirables, correct?

 

Don't personalize rejection when dating. Most people are not our match. That's not cynical, it's natural odds. The goal of dating is to find a GOOD match, so whenever someone doesn't own the capacity to view you through the right lens, it speaks of their limits, not as a reflection on you.

 

Head high, and never settle for mistreatment--from anyone. Raise your bar.

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