Reflection (one year) post breakup for those who wanna hear

Hey guys,

It's been a year since my activity on this forum. And let me tell you, this was a safe haven for me during those emotional woes of a breakup. So if you're new on here, everyone has a lot of insight to offer but remember to listen to yourself and to give your heart what it needs in spite of what others might think. I'm a strong believer in the statement: that we all need to find our own way as long as it's healthy.

Okay so that being said haha...I did all the bad things or cliche things after I was dumped. I wrote a letter. Drunk called and texted loads of times. I argued. I pleaded for them back. Did tinder( A LOT OF TINDER). I met strangers, I went out every weekend, participated in a little herbal tlc. I think I was with a new person every two weeks... it was wild. The people who knew me, knew very well, I was out of body a bit. Even my ex once asked me if I was okay. I wasn't doing things that sounded like me. But I was happy, I was a bit reckless for sure. A 21 year old ball of chaos at the time. I graduated college, was moving across the country, and I wasn't sure if life would favor me the same ways it always had but somehow I made it out of that phase okay. Months would pass at a time, and I would initiate contact. Cause I needed to know how my ex was doing. This would happen every 2-three months. By October I found some control. As the three month mark approached in January-19... I focused on myself a bit and resisted but... I can't say I was entirely strong. Recently, I did come into contact with my ex again for legitimate reasons but the details are arbitrary. As you can see by this thread haha, it's been an incredibly rough year. Never in my life have I taken this long to move on. And never has it been this hard.

I was very grateful to have my ex and I realized if I wanted someone that great again I'd have to wait another 21 years ! Okay... maybe not that long. But awhile. I also began to take my ex off that pedestal. He's just an avg joe. Nothing special. Pretty similar to most dudes. But not that spectacular in comparison to the guys who have surprisingly been interested in me. I'm talking about actors, musicians, ceos you name it. I'm telling you, once you take your ex off that throne you'll see that others may have a bit more to offer. HOWEVER, I still care for my ex deeply which is why it's been hard moving hard or taking any leap with any potential partner. Recovering from this takes time. And after hopping from dude to dude trying to imitate what I once had I realized quickly sometimes it's not all about having someone... but having yourself first.

Anyway I'm just here to say ... I didn't have a typical breakup. It was awful. Through text. Many miles away. Quick phone convo to clear it up and that was it. After that I went through a roller coaster of emotions. My ex never told me he missed me. Never told me he wanted to get back together. Never any of those fairytale things we all wish they might do. This was literally a hardcore battle! And sure maybe my ex reached out to me a couple of times, maybe even started conversation, but nothing more than to fill his own ego. After a few texts over a span of a couple of hours or a few days he'd stop, disappear and three months later we'd start the whole thing over again. Be like me/ don't be like me. I don't know what I'm exactly getting at. Maybe I'm just venting what I've gone through. But I'm just here to share my story mostly. I had to get through this by myself. Completely alone. No one understood. I didn't get one last intimate moment. And I moved far away from home and underwent a lot of stress. Not to mention I never even got one of those classic bump into them moments (which I'm really bummed about). I'm just saying, I never once came out on top of this scenario. This guy has literally been my weakness for almost two years. Together and not together. Getting him out of my head and somewhat out of my heart was the hardest undertaking ever. Sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we want it. I've contended with everything and now I'm just sorta I don't know ready for something new. Something other than sadness, loneliness or negativity. There's more to life than "10 ways on how to get your ex back." Dude, I am so happy things ended and I hope you get to a place where you are too. I'd be with someone for the rest of my life who didn't cherish me the same way I did them. God that sounds more awful than a breakup.

You got this. Whoever you are. My story isn't glamorous by any means and these were the type of stories I definitely avoided a year ago. But no matter how many vision boards and prayers, and law of attraction techniques and manifestations... I literally came up empty handed every time. I don't know why. Cause all my life I've gotten exactly what I wanted. But life has been kicking my butt these days. It's probably for a reason. So let's just go through it and come out on top okay. You are loved. You are wanted. And maybe they will come back into your life, but not when you're weak. But when you're strong. Or maybe we will never get that moment. Either way let's not bank on either: 1. Them coming back or 2. You getting a chance to tell them how they hurt you. It literally does not matter. Go buy a guitar. Talk to a hot girl/guy/gender fluid person. Eat a fat juicy burger. Don't forget the pint of Ben n Jerry's. Go on a run (a few to work off the burger and bj) haha then eat a salad. Salads are good man, I started getting really into what I've been putting in my body. It's crazy. Also stay away from people trying to take advantage of your vulnerability . Talk to your ex, don't talk to them. Who ing cares you only get one life so just do what you need to do to be in a healthy state of mind. Doesn't have to be today/tomorrow but you got to get there someday dudes you gotta get there. Also be happy, don't hurt others and just breathe in some fresh air, get a bouquet of sunflowers for yourself and enjoy your summer!!!! Take some fire pics too. Go to the beach. The ocean will drift your worries away.

I love your story, or rather, the message of it - deal with this the way that benefits you! 10 months after my BU I feel that that is the most important thing here.

Coming on this page helped me a lot too, but I got a bunch of rather stern and harsh advice here and there, and in your weakest state, that can be hard too! I had to sort through the advice, and do what was best for me and my situation. E.g. I broke NC, and that was the thing that truly got me over the last bump in the road. I'm not saying I’m home free, but it got me from "frequently crying in the bathroom and resenting my friends success," to a more positive outlook on life. Things wasn't quite like my worst imagination had tortured me with for 6 months on end.

I was contemplating writing my own update, but I don’t know It was nice reading yours, and I liked reading these threads when I was fresh out of the BU and feeling like utter cr*p.

So great to read, DT

I'm 4 months post BU, and it was worse than your Deadtulips. I never knew what heartbreak was until this...I was so completely broken afterwards...and didn't even know why.

Now that I've pieced myself back together, and understand I'm not alone in this experience...I am coming to peace with this is life. And yes, the lessons you learn after a BU are amazing. Everyone in your life going forward will benefit from this experience.