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Thread: never met. meeting for first time potentially. is she interested?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    It literally takes a minute to make a Skype call, come on! I met a guy through tinder from another country, he asked for a Skype call, I was interested in him, took me about 5 minutes, only because I wanted to put something nice on.

  2. #22
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    UPDATE

    yes i did like the girl and we had chatted a lot on messenger texting etc. what has happened a few things.

    we were chatting on messenger and she was reassuring me about the fact that height doesnt matter to her ( she is taller than me) and age doesnt either ( she is younger than me) and was telling me how much she likes me and misses me and reassured me that "if i didnt like you i wouldnt want to come to london and see you etc"


    when i asked her when shall i ask her to be my girlfriend she replied " when it is the right time (cheeky smile)".


    i had booked a restuarnt, a nice romantic frnech one as she told me she likes french food and likes to be romanced and hopes i romance her. so if a girl tells you this what am i supposed to do?!


    she told me that we would have time just the two of us to do some things like dinner and clubbing and that her friend can meet her other friends. she said that maybe i could stay with her and her friend in the room but to keep it spontanoeus and then asked me what i thought. i said ok.


    anyways what happened after this was i added her freind who was coming to london with her on fb and sent her a message asking if the restaurant i had booked was fine and her thoughts as she knows her better than me. she replied that she thought it was too much. i replied again but never heard from her. anyways i then cancelled the restaurant and booked a more basic one.


    everything is goin ok atm. still havnt skyped her as she has no time apaprently and after a few days she stops replying. i hadnt heard from her in a few days. so i sent her a text saying " i thought you said you dont play with poeples feelings and play games? i think you are better off finding someone you really into clsoer to home. thanx i enojyed chatting with you"


    she replied " dont block me. i will explaoin everything in a bit. im just on my way to my grandmas"


    so i unblocked her and she sent me this " the reason i havnt written you much the last few days is because i wanted to make sure my feeling for you were real and they are. i want to visit you and i really like you and see you. what do you want?"


    i replied " i want the same and i want us to work. i have feelings for you too and want to visit you in your country and stay with you in your new flat. you want the same?"


    she replied " yes i want the same too. i cant wait to see you kiss kiss"


    so i bought tickets also to a nightclub for the three of us and booked a tour of london for the two of us too as a suprise. the last 10 days before she flew in things got weird ( if they werent weird already). she didnt talk to me as much. her replies were short and colder. i was trying to make convo as normal like how we used to talk. she told me her friends knew about me. she then started to get snappy and rude to me when i asked her how come we dont talk as much anymore and i was getting frustrated that we hadnt even skyped. i know she was moving out that weekend but still. anyways that weekend she was moving out i didnt hear from her once and then on the monday i sent a message sayign how it was and she replied. i suggested that we should skype before she flies in to talk about arrnagements and me picking her up from the airport etc and she said sure we have to do that.


    well we hardly talked that week also. ( literally it went from 50 messages a day at the start 2 months ago to like 1 message every 2 days). her nice sweet messages disappeared.
    well we ended up meeting and it didnt go well. she looked and acted like she wasnt interested in me in any way and when i spoke privately to her friend about what was going on and her thoughts about me, her friend said she only sees me as a friend. but she was just cold and distant towards me. dinner didnt happen and her wanting to dance with me in the club was bull****.



    what a F***** waste of time. im hurt i facnied her and really liked her. i got f***** over.



    when she returned home she didnt reply to any of my messages apart fomr saying she only ever thought of me as a friend and when she said she had feelings for me she meant it as a friend.




    so my fault? what did i do wrong?

  3. #23
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    It's not about fault. You had unrealistic expectations of someone who for all practical purposes was a stranger and you ignored red flags where she was treating your interactions as if you were already in a romantic relationship rather than just online chat buddies which is what the expectation should be before meeting. Once someone does that they are far far more likely to swing to other extremes as she did

  4. #24
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    what do you mean batya33? she was telling me she had feelings for me and was telling me that she wishes i would come see her when she moves into her new flat etc. and when i said i promise i will, she replied " i hope u mean it like u say it"

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by lamo
    what do you mean batya33? she was telling me she had feelings for me and was telling me that she wishes i would come see her when she moves into her new flat etc. and when i said i promise i will, she replied " i hope u mean it like u say it"
    Unfortunately she didn't realize you actually meant everything you said to her (despite it being highly unlikely due to never having met). Since her feelings weren't sincere and she was just having fun she probably assumed you were doing the same thing.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by lamo
    what do you mean batya33? she was telling me she had feelings for me and was telling me that she wishes i would come see her when she moves into her new flat etc. and when i said i promise i will, she replied " i hope u mean it like u say it"
    Because those are words from a stranger (meaning a stranger for all practical purposes when it comes to romantic relationships -I certainly consider my close friends who I've never met in person or only once or twice true friends and not strangers) - and watch the feet -what the person does -not what the person says. Her feet -her actions -were as you described it, flaky, inconsistent, unreliable as far as actually making plans.

    I've had a sort of similar experiences with women I correspond with on line who I've first seen on our facebook group. Often they post about how they want friends SOOOOO badly. Then when it comes to actually meeting the flaky actions come out - they simply don't want to put in the effort to meet in person (and sure maybe in certain cases it was that we didn't have enough in common, they didn't like me for some reason - of course -I'm talking where it's clear they do like me - they just want to keep it to chatting on line because it's easier and more convenient -and their cries/complaints about "no friends" likely is because they don't want it badly enough to show up in person based on an advance plan).

  8. #27
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    "i had booked a restuarnt, a nice romantic frnech one as she told me she likes french food and likes to be romanced and hopes i romance her. so if a girl tells you this what am i supposed to do?!"

    People say all sorts of things. I would weight what she says with what I know about her character. If the words don't match what I have learned, I would be skeptical. Frankly, someone who I've never met texting me that they want me to romance her? I would think she's nuts!

    Look, things were OK at the start, but here's where you went wrong. When meeting a stranger, you go through a series of tests to see if they are on the up and up. Like, the kinds of questions you were asking at the start to get to know her. If she said something you didn't like, you probably would have ended it there. But the next test, was talking on the phone or skype. She failed that test repeatedly. You should have went, well, she failed the second test, so there's no point in continuing things. Instead, you got irritated that she failed the test, and graduated her anyway!

    If it's any consolation, it's doubtful you would have got on with her in person even if she wasn't so cold to you. It is really easy to create a fake persona online. You fancied the fake persona that she created, and that you embellished in your own mind. It's actually not that hard for people to create a fake persona with in person dating too. It's just, if you are seeing them often it can be harder to maintain.

    Sorry you got hurt. Next time, hold back a lot more. Only put in an amount of effort/affection that matches what level you are at, and what you can verify about the other person. Date locally. It's so much easier.

  9. #28
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    is it true if a girl really likes u , in this case she would have not minded me coming to stay at hers in her country and spend weekend just two of us at her flat?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lamo
    what do you mean batya33? she was telling me she had feelings for me and was telling me that she wishes i would come see her when she moves into her new flat etc. and when i said i promise i will, she replied " i hope u mean it like u say it"
    You just accounted for the 2 to 3 weeks prior to actually meeting and her lack of communication and just an overall feeling something wasn't right. You want as far as to shut it down and with minimal effort on her end, you continued to make plans to meet her anyway.

    In the end you surprised and disappointed?
    It's ok to be disappointed but given everything you shared, you should also have been at least a little prepared.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You just accounted for the 2 to 3 weeks prior to actually meeting and her lack of communication and just an overall feeling something wasn't right. You want as far as to shut it down and with minimal effort on her end, you continued to make plans to meet her anyway.

    In the end you surprised and disappointed?
    It's ok to be disappointed but given everything you shared, you should also have been at least a little prepared.
    i actually told her a few days before she was meant to fly in that i wont be coming to see her in london. she replied saying " ur an idiot"
    i did eventually change my mind and go see her

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