Jump to content

never met. meeting for first time potentially. is she interested?


Recommended Posts

I met a girl through a mutual friend 7 weeks ago on facebook. she lives in germany ( munich) and i live in england. we have been chatting everyday on facebook messaging each other a lot during work lol. we like each other a lot and she tells me the same. after a month of talking i mentioned how i would love to visit berlin one day as i have never been and would be nice if she could show me around the city. she said that would be nice idea.

 

we have talked a lot on facebook trying to get to know each other. she said she was single and i told her i liked her and want to see her. i asked for her number so we can text etc. i have been asking for the last 2 weeks to skype and she said yes we must do that. but everytime i try to plan a time in the evening she is vague . finally last mon i asked her lets skype wed and we agreed time as she would be home that evening and after work on wed i came home and waited for her and she never turned up on skype. i even tried calling her on her phone but to no avail.

 

the next day while we were both at work we chatted as again on facebook and i told her i was mad with her she stood me up and i waited. she apologised saying she was sorry and that she came straight home and was not feeling well and went straight to sleep.

 

i have subsequently tried to arrange skype with her but she says she is busy and is only home to sleep. she also says she is moving out to a one bed flat next month and is busy with that.

i mean cmon if she really likes me surely she can afford 30 mins in the week to chat properly rather than this facebook message crap?

also i only ever chat with her during worktime. as soon as she finishes work shes always doing something and weekends the same too so i never get to talk or chat to her properly then either.

 

she tells me how much she wants me to visit her in munich when she gets her new flat and i tell her iwant to and she keeps saying that i hope i mean it. so last week after the skype fiasco i asked her about meeting together in berlin. i sent her dates i could do and she said yes those dates work for me too. (the dates are in 4 weeks im planning). i found hotels and flights and sent them to her and made a joke about how she can pay for the expensive one for me to stay in and il pay for her to stay in the cheap one lol. so i said il book flights when i get paid next week. she said but yesterday she messaged me saying she has good news for me. she tells me she spoke to her friend and that they are now coming to london in 5 weeks time. i didnt reply and she messaged me again saying " are u nothappy about that?"

i replied saying that we made a plan and i was coming to germany in 4 weeks time. she then said that that weekend she is moving flat so cant do that weekend anymore. i told her that i dont live in london atm ( she already knew that. i have a job north of england but my family and home is in london). i asked her why dont she come to my current city but she wants to come london with her friend.

 

what do i do now? im confused and wasting my time? is this how yours nevermets happened?

Link to comment
Yeah, it sounds mighty fishy to me.

 

no she is genuine. we are facebook friends. all looks genuine. my friend knows her. he used to fancy her. and we have spoken on the phone for 2 mins but couldnt have a proper convo as she was at a festival when i called her

Link to comment
no she is genuine. we are facebook friends. all looks genuine. my friend knows her. he used to fancy her. and we have spoken on the phone for 2 mins but couldnt have a proper convo as she was at a festival when i called her

 

Has your mutual friend met her in person?

Link to comment

I was also thinking that maybe this girl is fake in some way, but if you're sure she's not then I think she's probably just not really that interested in taking this further. How old are you guys? She could be seeing other guys too and she probably doesn't want some other guy to know that you're coming to see her, so she didn't want you to come to Germany. Or maybe she doesn't look the same as her Facebook photos anymore? Maybe she's gained a lot of weight, etc.? I find the fact that she doesn't even want to briefly chat on Skype very suss. She could have a guy with her at her place some nights so doesn't want him to see. I mean, you are not together so you can both see other people but she is wasting your time and leading you on.

Link to comment

Maybe she's put on a lot of weight? Maybe she thought it was nice to chat with you online but doesn't want to meet and doesn't know how to tell you? Maybe she's talking to another guy besides you and likes him more? Maybe she already has a boyfriend and has lied to you.

 

She is most definitely leading you on for some reason.

Link to comment

Why are you wiling to spend all this money flying and staying in a hotel for an unknown? That's a really expensive way to date. When I did OLD, 9 out of 10 times when I met up with a guy, either one or both of us didn't feel chemistry, even though we'd seen each others photos and spoken on the phone. In a few cases, 2 or 3 dates happened, but sometimes the guy ended up being a jerk, and then I bailed. If I'd dated the way you did, I'd be out 30,000 dollars by now, because I had to meet up with about 30 guys before I found my future husband.

 

Stick with local dating, so neither party has to eventually be ripped away from family and friends and a career if it happened to work out, which most LDRs don't.

Link to comment

Unfortunately, you're getting ahead of yourself. This entity does not want to make voice calls, video chat or have you visit/meet in person. It seems you're being catfished. If you want to tour other cities in Europe, finding free tour guides online is a real bad idea. Instead plan a trip with a friend and arrange your own itinerary. Both you and this catfish would be better off on bnb sites than doing this nonsense.

i mentioned how i would love to visit berlin one day as i have never been and would be nice if she could show me around the city.

 

last week after the skype fiasco i asked her about meeting together in berlin.

i found hotels and flights and sent them to her

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

update : the last week we have been texting still. iv been asking questions trying to get to know about her. past relationships etc. shes been saying how i make her happy etc. her aunt was in a carcrash and i said id like to send flowers and she said i was cute and that i make her happy.

 

but still no skype or phone call. i even said 10mins before u go sleep il call u in bed but she always has excuses. shes booked her flights to london she told me and says shes so excited to see me and promises she will like me. but why she not excited to speak on skype or phone call? i am excited to do so.

i told her i have booked dinner in this nice amazing romantoc place and she said she is a romantic girl and that she hopes i romance her

Link to comment

Dude! Why on earth are you expending so much energy on what, at this point, is essentially only a fantasy?

 

You've never met in person, or even spoken on phone, never experienced "reality" together so how could it be anything else but a fantasy?

 

Look, I get it, fantasies can be quite powerful, evoke all sorts of intense emotions, but it's not real, it's based on a lot of unknowns, filling in the blanks and idealization.

 

So it's important to keep all this in proper perspective. You've become way way too invested and laying on the pressure to meet really thick.

 

Too too much and it's clear, despite her words, her actions suggest she does not appreciate it!

 

I've had long distance on line interactions, during a time I was NOT looking for a serious relationship, and reading how much pressure you're putting on this girl to meet/Skype made me literally cringe.

 

It's just one lame excuse after the other, but instead of heeding the warning and backing off, you keep going and going and going like the ever-ready bunny.

 

Back off. Again, despite her words, she's sending you a very clear message through her actions (or in this case non-actions).

 

She does not want to meet, nor Skype, nor talk on phone. Period, end of.

 

Respect that and either seriously back off, or stop chatting/interacting with her altogether.

 

Have you no other options locally? If not, get out in the real world and start cultivating them.

 

This on line "interaction" is a no go.

Link to comment

we have had a 5 min convo a few weeks ago on the phone but was super hard to actually get to know her as she was in a festival so very loud.

well yes surely i have to put pressure to want to meet cos thats what i want to do. i dont want to waste my time. also she is the one saying how she hopes i visit her when she moves to her one bed flat. shes the one saying how excited she wants to see me and if the weekend goes well i can fly over and stay longer with her. not sure what exactly im doing wrong? if the girl thought i was too much why is responding still in a postive manner saying all these things about wanting us to work etc?

 

i have seen her tickets she is def coming. its not a catfish.

 

i have been reading all threads on this website and people who have met for the first time they have stayed the the first nights together and not had a friend accompany them. is this the action of a girl who likes me and wants to sleep with me? am i wasting my time taking a 2 hour train from north england to london to visit her? also where would i stay? what about plans? im.not going to london and not spend the whole weekend with her. thats stupid no?

Link to comment

If she has time to go to a festival she has time to make time to have a proper conversation with you. She is not interested enough to put in the effort to meet you but she is happy to have the flattering attention. I think even if her aunt was injured it was way too much on your part to offer to send flowers -you're going to send flowers to the "aunt" of a stranger? Sure, give to a charity that helps people you will never meet but you have no idea if this woman has an aunt let alone one who was injured. I think you're not thinking clearly, this is some sort of challenge/thrill to you and you'll experience the reality when instead of "just" wasting precious time you waste $ actually booking flights/hotels/restaurants. I'd cut contact right now.

Link to comment

Even if she is genuine, although I have to admit, from her behavior it seems to me too that something's up, but let's say we're wrong. You did say that you have a mutual friend etc.

 

Even if we're wrong, communication is obviously off. It's the basis for a relationship, more so when it's an LD. If you're just looking for a hookup, let her come, meet up, and go from there. I wouldn't look into this for anything serious. I've been in LDRs and they are simply not sustainable without Skype. To say the least.

Link to comment

It literally takes a minute to make a Skype call, come on! I met a guy through tinder from another country, he asked for a Skype call, I was interested in him, took me about 5 minutes, only because I wanted to put something nice on.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

UPDATE

 

yes i did like the girl and we had chatted a lot on messenger texting etc. what has happened a few things.

 

we were chatting on messenger and she was reassuring me about the fact that height doesnt matter to her ( she is taller than me) and age doesnt either ( she is younger than me) and was telling me how much she likes me and misses me and reassured me that "if i didnt like you i wouldnt want to come to london and see you etc"

 

 

when i asked her when shall i ask her to be my girlfriend she replied " when it is the right time (cheeky smile)".

 

 

i had booked a restuarnt, a nice romantic frnech one as she told me she likes french food and likes to be romanced and hopes i romance her. so if a girl tells you this what am i supposed to do?!

 

 

she told me that we would have time just the two of us to do some things like dinner and clubbing and that her friend can meet her other friends. she said that maybe i could stay with her and her friend in the room but to keep it spontanoeus and then asked me what i thought. i said ok.

 

 

anyways what happened after this was i added her freind who was coming to london with her on fb and sent her a message asking if the restaurant i had booked was fine and her thoughts as she knows her better than me. she replied that she thought it was too much. i replied again but never heard from her. anyways i then cancelled the restaurant and booked a more basic one.

 

 

everything is goin ok atm. still havnt skyped her as she has no time apaprently and after a few days she stops replying. i hadnt heard from her in a few days. so i sent her a text saying " i thought you said you dont play with poeples feelings and play games? i think you are better off finding someone you really into clsoer to home. thanx i enojyed chatting with you"

 

 

she replied " dont block me. i will explaoin everything in a bit. im just on my way to my grandmas"

 

 

so i unblocked her and she sent me this " the reason i havnt written you much the last few days is because i wanted to make sure my feeling for you were real and they are. i want to visit you and i really like you and see you. what do you want?"

 

 

i replied " i want the same and i want us to work. i have feelings for you too and want to visit you in your country and stay with you in your new flat. you want the same?"

 

 

she replied " yes i want the same too. i cant wait to see you kiss kiss"

 

 

so i bought tickets also to a nightclub for the three of us and booked a tour of london for the two of us too as a suprise. the last 10 days before she flew in things got weird ( if they werent weird already). she didnt talk to me as much. her replies were short and colder. i was trying to make convo as normal like how we used to talk. she told me her friends knew about me. she then started to get snappy and rude to me when i asked her how come we dont talk as much anymore and i was getting frustrated that we hadnt even skyped. i know she was moving out that weekend but still. anyways that weekend she was moving out i didnt hear from her once and then on the monday i sent a message sayign how it was and she replied. i suggested that we should skype before she flies in to talk about arrnagements and me picking her up from the airport etc and she said sure we have to do that.

 

 

well we hardly talked that week also. ( literally it went from 50 messages a day at the start 2 months ago to like 1 message every 2 days). her nice sweet messages disappeared.

well we ended up meeting and it didnt go well. she looked and acted like she wasnt interested in me in any way and when i spoke privately to her friend about what was going on and her thoughts about me, her friend said she only sees me as a friend. but she was just cold and distant towards me. dinner didnt happen and her wanting to dance with me in the club was bull****.

 

 

 

what a F***** waste of time. im hurt i facnied her and really liked her. i got f***** over.

 

 

 

when she returned home she didnt reply to any of my messages apart fomr saying she only ever thought of me as a friend and when she said she had feelings for me she meant it as a friend.

 

 

 

 

so my fault? what did i do wrong?

Link to comment

It's not about fault. You had unrealistic expectations of someone who for all practical purposes was a stranger and you ignored red flags where she was treating your interactions as if you were already in a romantic relationship rather than just online chat buddies which is what the expectation should be before meeting. Once someone does that they are far far more likely to swing to other extremes as she did

Link to comment

what do you mean batya33? she was telling me she had feelings for me and was telling me that she wishes i would come see her when she moves into her new flat etc. and when i said i promise i will, she replied " i hope u mean it like u say it"

Link to comment
what do you mean batya33? she was telling me she had feelings for me and was telling me that she wishes i would come see her when she moves into her new flat etc. and when i said i promise i will, she replied " i hope u mean it like u say it"

 

Unfortunately she didn't realize you actually meant everything you said to her (despite it being highly unlikely due to never having met). Since her feelings weren't sincere and she was just having fun she probably assumed you were doing the same thing.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...