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Thread: Going away to college.. Should I end it?

  1. #1
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    Going away to college.. Should I end it?

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past six months and will have been dating for a year once I leave for college. We live in northern California but I will be going to college in San Diego while my girlfriend, who is a junior this year, finishes up her last year of high school. This is my first ever real relationship and I feel like we have a really good connection. When I first met her, she was a little crazy, ( liked to smoke, party, vape, and drink a little) but I shared my concerns with her and told her that I didnt feel like we would be good together if she was like that. she understood and promised to quit it all ( she's been clean for 4 or 5 months now) I only did that because she is so smart and a genuinely good person and she is going to go so far in life, however she just had some stupid friends and habits. we are inseparable now, we hang out every weekend and spend time together almost every day. Once I told her about my college plans, she started crying. she said she was very happy for me but was also sad because she thinks that I will eventually leave her. at the moment, and I know it sounds silly this early, but she is the girl of my dreams and I think I am in love with her. I believe that once I get to college, I won't have the desire to leave her, as it doesn't get much better than her, however I am somewhat worried about her. due to her extremely extroverted and social nature, I just feel nervous about her. I want to trust her but I just can't. she recently went to Mexico and just the way she partied at clubs and hung out with boys with her single friends, I just have my concerns. she says " who would I leave you for around here?" which sounds good, but the way she words it, it seems like there is no one her, but once she gets to college there will be. I am just confused as to what I should do, because I want to stay with her and I know that I can make it work, but I just don't want to waste an entire year with her, just for her to find someone else once she gets to college. every time we have hung out since I told her my plans, she has cried and talked about how she doesn't know what she is going to do without me and that is good, but she also says what am I gonna do when I need hugs and kisses, which is also another cause for concern as it kind of feels like she may leave me just for the sole desire for sex and physical contact. she also plans to go to college in so cal, so come next year, we may only be 3 hours max away from each other, so I don't know if that would be a reason to stick it out? and help is welcome, just want to know if anyone has gone through any similar experiences and can share some knowledge with me. thanks.

  2. #2
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    I am not a fortune teller, but long distance relationships seldom work out

  3. #3
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Nman, let me give you the benefit of many years. She's in high school. You're going away to college. There is almost zero chance that she will be the one you're going to spend your life with. When you get to college, your life is going to change dramatically. And in your absence, this little partying high school girl will not sit by the phone and pine away for you.

    My advice to you is to enjoy your college experience. Meet new people, and leave behind your high school days.

  4. #4
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    Why not try it out? My friend is married 32 years to the guy she started dating in high school, my parents were long distance for 4 years while my father went away to graduate school (and back then they saw each other once a month - 8 hour train ride -they were married 62 years until my dad passed away) - you can live with her and if she is going to cheat she'll find a way -so proximity doesn't help. If you think she values her commitment and loyalty to you and if you trust her that is all that matters. If you do not trust her it doesn't matter if you're long distance or close distance. Also consider whether you want a clean slate when you go to college and just want to start fresh, unencumbered. My high school sweetheart and I broke up just before his sophomore year but we'd given each other permission to date others. He met his future wife a few weeks later. We'd dated for years and I was fine with it - I knew we'd outgrown each other.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Instead of breaking up with her, see how your LDR (long distance relationship) with her will fare. If it proves too taxing and unrealistic from both ends, then there is your answer. It's time to break up.

    If both of you can somehow put forth the effort with long lapses of absences and inconvenient travel in order to see one another once in a while, then this is the test for your relationship with her. It will either survive separation or will not. Keep in mind though that LDR tend to prove exhausting. It is NOT true regarding "absence makes the heart grow fonder." To the contrary, most LDR will fizzle and fade away.

    I hope it works for you two. Time will tell. Give it a chance and if LDR doesn't endure be prepared because that's life. It happens.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Why not try it out?
    I agree with this. I have no experience on that front, but I know someone who married his High School sweetheart and were at some point in an LDR. They have been together now for at least 18+ years. It's very admirable!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Set both of yourselves free. The distance will not only be geographical but you will be worlds apart socially at college and she still in high school. Date college girls/local girls.

  9. #8

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    My boyfriend and I have managed three years with me being at university! So many people told us it wouldnít work out and to end it. Iím so proud weíve managed to do it, there will be ups and downs but if itís worth it itíll work out in the end. Best of luck :)

  10. #9
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    The real problem here is that you don't trust her. If her actions make you uncomfortable, you are likely incompatible.


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