Giving an expensive gift to a friend without it being “over the top”

Hi, all-

I was given a necklace as a gift a couple of years ago and the message on it has meant a lot to me. It helps me feel strong and confident as I move through the world. It’s not a cheap necklace. It’s $135 but the proceeds go to charity. I was recently inspired to buy this same necklace for two of my friends. One is not a close friend but she is someone I have known since childhood and her family and mine are well acquainted. She was just diagnosed with leukemia at 41 and I felt like this necklace would be completely appropriate to help her find strength when she feels like things are overwhelming. My other friend is a newer friend but she has confessed to me that she has a lot of fear. We have become closer in the last couple of months and I was inspired to also give this necklace to her, as she is going through a lot and I thought she might also love it. She actually saw mine and asked me where I got it and so I know she will appreciate it. My concern is that if she looks up the price, she might think it’s super over the top of me but the gift is coming from a really good place with no strings attached. I think she will really love and appreciate it but it is a pretty expensive gift and I don’t want her to think there are any expectations that come along with it. Any ideas for how to make this an easy gift giving?

Thank you!

I would never look up the price of a gift. I think you are overthinking this.

It is a lovely gesture. Give them the gifts.

I would never look up the price of a gift. I think you are overthinking this.

 

It is a lovely gesture. Give them the gifts.

Thank you, Holly! It means a lot for me to give it to them as I know they will both love it and it will mean something uniquely special to each of them based on their circumstances. Overthinking is my specialty, however [emoji6] I appreciate your opinion!

I have a friend who looks up the price of every bottle of wine that someone brings to her house when she has a party. Yes, she does. I find it incredibly crude.

That being said, what a kind idea for you to pass this necklace on to your friend. Simply give it to her with a smile. She'll appreciate it.

I have a friend who looks up the price of every bottle of wine that someone brings to her house when she has a party. Yes, she does. I find it incredibly crude.

 

That being said, what a kind idea for you to pass this necklace on to your friend. Simply give it to her with a smile. She'll appreciate it.

That is terrible. She told you this?

I’ve had a super rough 2 weeks and a coworker got me this cute little silver bracelet that has a hidden empowering message on the side that touches the skin.

It was so sweet and so unexpected. I have no idea of the cost but the thought is wonderful. I say go for it.

If you feel like spending a lot of money on gifts, then do it. The recipient will not feel beholden to you when they observe YOUR behavior. Just act natural and be kind. They will not feel obliged to reciprocate if you remain humble all the while. Don't act as if they owe you anything.

Or, many times if I go above and beyond helping someone either with my labor, time and / or money, I tell them if they truly want to thank me or do something for me in return, their friendship or relationship (such as family) is all I appreciate in return. This is whether it's their electronic correspondence (within reason) with me, occasional contact or getting together at random. I let them know up front that I do not want nor like to receive flowers, gifts, etc. Just their relationship for friendship with me is all I ever want. If you're clear from the beginning, then there is no misunderstanding whatsoever.

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate your perspectives!!! And yes, I know people that look up the prices of gifts too if it’s possible.

If you feel like spending a lot of money on gifts, then do it. The recipient will not feel beholden to you when they observe YOUR behavior. Just act natural and be kind. They will not feel obliged to reciprocate if you remain humble all the while. Don't act as if they owe you anything.

 

Or, many times if I go above and beyond helping someone either with my labor, time and / or money, I tell them if they truly want to thank me or do something for me in return, their friendship or relationship (such as family) is all I appreciate in return. This is whether it's their electronic correspondence (within reason) with me, occasional contact or getting together at random. I let them know up front that I do not want nor like to receive flowers, gifts, etc. Just their relationship for friendship with me is all I ever want. If you're clear from the beginning, then there is no misunderstanding whatsoever.

Cherylyn, that is lovely of you. You sound like an excellent friend :-)

"Expensive" is relative.

It would depend on their financial status whether the $135 necklace would be over the top. If they're poor, it would be. If they're fairly well off, it would be a nice gesture.

"Expensive" is relative.

 

It would depend on their financial status whether the $135 necklace would be over the top. If they're poor, it would be. If they're fairly well off, it would be a nice gesture.

Thanks, SarahLancaster! We are in the same profession and we make good money. Not rich by any means but we do well. Thanks for that perspective!

That is terrible. She told you this?

She looks them up in front of me!

People can be so crude.

She looks them up in front of me!

 

People can be so crude.

Good God! Does she look up the bottle that you bring? Why is she your friend?

Good God! Does she look up the bottle that you bring? Why is she your friend?

Lol!! Best response.

Thank you Soulsister2010. I appreciated your kind words.

Communication is key so nothing is misunderstood. I would appreciate if my friend (or anyone for that matter) would be upfront with me because you want to prevent current and future awkwardness. Make sure both parties are on the same page. It's all good, no one feels bad nor under any obligations. Be clear from the get go. Both sides will appreciate clarity.

Also, express that you value friendship with them which is PRICELESS. Reasonable correspondence, seeing one another schedules permitting and respect between you and them is absolutely PRICELESS. Tell your recipient that. That's being humble, clear and forthright. This clear communication will prevent problems later.

Also, express that you value friendship with them which is PRICELESS. Reasonable correspondence, seeing one another schedules permitting and respect between you and them is absolutely PRICELESS. Tell your recipient that. That's being humble, clear and forthright. This clear communication will prevent problems later.

Thank you, Cherylyn! Today, we were talking about the Enneagram personality types and so we can definitely be honest with each other about who we are. I will definitely reiterate to her that I appreciate her friendship and that it’s priceless. Thank you! [emoji4]

Thank you for the kind words, Soulsister2010.

For most people, it wouldn't even occur to look up the price of a gift. So I don't think you need to overdo any talking and end up making it weird that way. If you feel that this is something that might make them feel better or inspire them, than just do it and leave it at that. Don't over explain yourself. The gift speaks for itself. As for the cost, honestly, I wouldn't consider that over the top, especially if you all are professionals with reasonable incomes. It's nothing to freak out about. Let your friends enjoy the meaning and message of the gift without making a big deal about it and definitely don't over think. It comes from the heart and I doubt your friends would be blind to that. Trust that they know.

For most people, it wouldn't even occur to look up the price of a gift. So I don't think you need to overdo any talking and end up making it weird that way. If you feel that this is something that might make them feel better or inspire them, than just do it and leave it at that. Don't over explain yourself. The gift speaks for itself. As for the cost, honestly, I wouldn't consider that over the top, especially if you all are professionals with reasonable incomes. It's nothing to freak out about. Let your friends enjoy the meaning and message of the gift without making a big deal about it and definitely don't over think. It comes from the heart and I doubt your friends would be blind to that. Trust that they know.

DancingFool, thank you :-) I truly appreciate it!