With OLD, when is the best time to ask about dating goals?

It can be a tough topic to broach, but I find many people who are online dating often don’t know what they are looking for. On the other hand, I know I am looking for a serious relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage. Some dating apps provide this information up front, some do not.

I just ended a six month relationship about a month ago. I’m trying to not go on as many waste of time dates and trying to find someone on the same page. I’m not trying to rush into anything but I also don’t want to waste my time if there is a major incompatibility in terms of long term goals. I know a lot of people want a relationship if they meet the right person but somethings they are just dating for fun until that person comes along.

For those dating apps that don’t provide the info up front, do you think it’s too much of a risk of scaring the person off to be up front and ask before meeting?

If you're using free dating sites, you're not likely to meet the pick of the litter. I'm not saying it's impossible, but in my experience with friends who have used paid sites that actually pair you with someone based on comparability traits, they seem to get a better match.

In any case, in your conversations with potential dates on free sites, you should be upfront about what you're looking for.

I only used dating sites with profiles that listed that and yes i would ask right away before meeting. And if asking about general goals scares the person off then for me anyway I'd have my answer.

I actually didn’t find it a hard topic at all.

First date it was always discussed. Sometimes brought up by me sometimes brought up by them.

I would say the only time I’d imagine it would be hard is by women trying to play the cool chick so they act like they don’t want commitment, cause apparently that’s how you get guys to commit. I know, I don’t get it either, or dudes that have been friend zoned.

But other than that, it’s an incredibly easy thing to say: what are you looking for. And get this? Most don’t lie!

Relax, if you can’t you may not be ready quite yet.

"looking for long term" will get your point across without sounding desperate, creepy or pushy. The rest will have to come with time as far as compatibility, etc.

For those dating apps that don’t provide the info up front, do you think it’s too much of a risk of scaring the person off to be up front and ask before meeting?

I've only used Tinder. I've heard quite a lot of different things about Tinder, but I think in Norway it hasn't been around for so long, and the "dating app/OLD scene" isn't the same as say in Britain or the US. It probably has something to do with the number of people on it. We're just not that many people up here in the cold north.

My experiences from that app though is:

The people that right away asks about inimate things are probably not that serious. Any comments about my body would make me stop talking to them... ("You look nice" is not that kind of comment in my book, but you know, complementing body parts etc...)

I always ask about dating goals before meeting up. If that scares someone off, then so be it. I don't want to pretend I'm in it just for fun if I'm not... That doesn't mean that I'll propose marriage after two dates... Any sane person would want to get to know a potential partner over a period of time...

I talk for a little while, getting the feel of people, and then ask to meet up quite fast

I never give up my phone number untill after the first date, and only if I want to

I have added one guy to Snapchat, but that was just stupid, don't do that... For me, it's a red flag if someone wants to see additional pictures to the ones on the profile...

I met the guy I'm currently dating on Tinder, and we kind off clicked from the first message. I gave him my number after the first date, then we had a second and a third date and then we talked about being exclusive or not, which we both wanted. Then we both deleted Tinder and things are going smoothly. Never thought that about a dating app, but I know a lot of people that've met their current, or long term, partner on Tinder, so why not. This guy was clearly into me from the start, but never once made a sleesy comment about my body, or asked for pictures etc etc. He just asked me out, and saved all the other stuff for an appropriate time. Feel free to give me complements about my body when we're making out you know, but that is not something you do before you actually know someone, and that is a frequent thing on dating apps.

So I feel like the dating app scene is okey, as long as you set your own boundaries, and don't break them for a little attention.

I've never used a dating site and all my extensive online dating experience comes from dating apps. I've always had problems finding people my age range on proper dating sites but they might be a better option. However, on those dating apps I've learned through my mistakes that it's better to be upfront right away about your goals. However, even if your goal is a serious relationship, dating is to evaluate the person's potential for the relationship you want and evaluate chemistry, so you should anyway get to know them gradually and relaxed.

I've only used Tinder. I've heard quite a lot of different things about Tinder, but I think in Norway it hasn't been around for so long, and the "dating app/OLD scene" isn't the same as say in Britain or the US. It probably has something to do with the number of people on it. We're just not that many people up here in the cold north.

 

My experiences from that app though is:

 

The people that right away asks about inimate things are probably not that serious. Any comments about my body would make me stop talking to them... ("You look nice" is not that kind of comment in my book, but you know, complementing body parts etc...)

 

I always ask about dating goals before meeting up. If that scares someone off, then so be it. I don't want to pretend I'm in it just for fun if I'm not... That doesn't mean that I'll propose marriage after two dates... Any sane person would want to get to know a potential partner over a period of time...

 

I talk for a little while, getting the feel of people, and then ask to meet up quite fast

 

I never give up my phone number untill after the first date, and only if I want to

 

I have added one guy to Snapchat, but that was just stupid, don't do that... For me, it's a red flag if someone wants to see additional pictures to the ones on the profile...

 

I met the guy I'm currently dating on Tinder, and we kind off clicked from the first message. I gave him my number after the first date, then we had a second and a third date and then we talked about being exclusive or not, which we both wanted. Then we both deleted Tinder and things are going smoothly. Never thought that about a dating app, but I know a lot of people that've met their current, or long term, partner on Tinder, so why not. This guy was clearly into me from the start, but never once made a sleesy comment about my body, or asked for pictures etc etc. He just asked me out, and saved all the other stuff for an appropriate time. Feel free to give me complements about my body when we're making out you know, but that is not something you do before you actually know someone, and that is a frequent thing on dating apps.

 

So I feel like the dating app scene is okey, as long as you set your own boundaries, and don't break them for a little attention.

I'm in Norway too but I'm foreign. I've used tinder there too but I haven't been to many dates. My experience was that most guys I've contacted were more in a casual vibe or saw me as "exotic" and interesting because I'm foreign and etc but don't really want anything more serious with me. But I don't really have much dating experience there so I could be wrong. Many of my non Norwegian girlfriends feel the same. I was used to know right away the intentions and feelings of a guy right from the start in my country (South Europe) but in Norway I find it harder to either read them or to talk about these things. It's almost as pulling a teeth lol But I'm sure that with the right person things simply flow in that direction and are easy. My goals in dating are serious relationship btw, therefor the casual vibe not being my thing.

I'm in Norway too but I'm foreign. I've used tinder there too but I haven't been to many dates. My experience was that most guys I've contacted were more in a casual vibe or saw me as "exotic" and interesting because I'm foreign and etc but don't really want anything more serious with me. But I don't really have much dating experience there so I could be wrong. Many of my non Norwegian girlfriends feel the same. I was used to know right away the intentions and feelings of a guy right from the start in my country (South Europe) but in Norway I find it harder to either read them or to talk about these things. It's almost as pulling a teeth lol But I'm sure that with the right person things simply flow in that direction and are easy. My goals in dating are serious relationship btw, therefor the casual vibe not being my thing.

Ah, I see. How fun!

Yeah, Norwegians aren't the most open and communicative people at any rate. I think there are a lot of people on Tinder and other apps that aren't really that serious, but aren't necessarily the opposite either. It's just an easy way to meet people, and you might be lonely, or might need some attention etc, and when somebody then askes the serious questions it gets scary. So I say ask the serious questions - the ones that get freaked are the onces you don't want...

But I mean, just in my immediate circle of friends I know 5 Tinder-couples that are running smoothly, in addition to my own, so I guess it can happen!

Good luck!

For sites with dating profiles it usually states what you are looking for. Be honest that you are looking for marriage/long term relationship or be honest that you are just looking for casual fun. I think you should in person talk about your goals right away "so, what are you looking for? Are you looking to meet new friends, a girlfriend or something else? " Its easier to ask on the first, second or third date vs when you get invested.

I think this has become a common theme when doing OLD.

Trying to sift through those who are looking for something entirely different then you may be. I also think the question about what someones goals are is also pretty common and it won't be much of surprise.

I don't think there is that set time you ask. I certainly didn't ask everyone, because I was only interested in a select few. But if and when I thought there might potential, I asked.

wrong thread! . . . . .