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Thread: What should I do with someone I love who disrespected me?

  1. #1
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    What should I do with someone I love who disrespected me?

    I (f 29) live in Europe & in met a guy (m 35) who lives in the United States about 6 months ago when I went to the USA for work . He started texting me asking to hang out. I come to the USA once every month or 2 for a few days for work & and we usually meet in a professional context. I asked him what he was looking for with me, he said a long lasting friendship with sex but that this may also turn into something more if we both felt it at some point. A couple of months ago we finally had sex, then I went back to Europe & we kept in touch almost every day by text. I asked him several times when we would meet again, he would say "soon" without giving a specific date. Then finally I had to go to the USA again for work last week & asked him if he wanted to meet. He said yes, but on the day we were supposed to meet he finally didn't show up saying he was sorry but he had to meet a friend. I finally went back to Europe without meeting him. I got really disappointed & started ignoring him. Since then, he's texting me every day, which I don't answer. I don't understand his behavior, why did he not come if he was interested? Why is he texting me if he is not interested? I miss him a lot & I'm sad but I'm also aware his behavior was disrespectful towards me. We live 10.000km away so it's not like we can meet whenever we want. We haven't seen each other for almost 3 months now. What should I do? How could I turn this into something positive? Or should I just let it go considering the distance between us & his lack of respect from his side last time? Anyone had any psychological explanation on why he behaved like that? (didn't show up, but texts me 1000 messages since then knowing that we're so far away & it doesn't make sense at all). Also, I've never told him I love him because I didn't want to put any pressure on him (think it's too early). For now, I just wanted to meet him to see how things could go. I've always showed care towards him while together , even if I never told him I love him. Thanks for your help!

  2. #2
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    . He only wants sex and a casual friendship- more of a FWB. You've seen this guy three times, so let this go. You have over invested.

    I do not understand why you would want to continue, if you know he has disrespected you? How can you love someone, when your main mode of communication is by text
    Find someone on your continent and who you can see more than 3 times in 6 months months.

    He sees no future with you; otherwise he make some effort to get together.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You were there in the US and he still ignored you. I know he had an excuse but surely he could see his friend another time if you were only going to be there a short time.

    Texting doesn't mean anything. He could be just bored or wanting an ego boost. What matters is how he treated you when you were the in the US.

    You have strong feelings for him but he still sees you as someone to have a casual relationship with. He's not acting like he's in love, you also don't know how many other women he's texting.

    I think if you want to spare yourself from more pain, it's best if you deleted his number and moved on.

  4. #4
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    One doesn't need psychological experience to see what's happening here, girl.

    He is trying to keep you warm so he can have sex with you again when you next go the U.S. That's about it. For him, this is casual and fun when it's convenient for him - but it's nothing serious. You are a lot more invested than he is, based on what you have written here. Don't even think about telling him that you love him. I can nearly guarantee you won't like the response you get.

    I think it would be best for you to let him go, friend. A future with him isn't very realistic due to both the distance and the fact that he's been very nonchalant about spending time with you. You are thinking long-term; he isn't.

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  6. #5
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    He didnít disrespect you.
    He said upfront all he wanted was sex.
    You disrespected yourself by having sex expecting more.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I usually advice against willingly getting into long distance situations regardless if it's casual or serious. Everytime I got into something with someone living far away I got burned. We overinvest and fill in the gaps of the long distance relationship/courtship with our fantasies and expectations and it rarely goes well. I'd just delete him and block so that you can move on.

  8. #7
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I agree with Billie that he didn't disrespect you. He told you he wanted friendship and sex. You're the one who wanted more.

    He probably broke the meeting off with you because something better turned up that night....meaning another woman.

    Why is he texting you? Who knows? If you want more than a FWB agreement, you need to tell him that. He'll probably decline your offer, but stop expecting him to agree to something he's already said he doesn't want to agree to.

  9. #8
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    First step block him and delete his number. Last step, forget about him and move on.

  10. #9
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    From the very small amount of time you spent together IN PERSON, why do you think you're "in love" with him? You've spent what, 12 total days together in person?

    A guy I used to date got upset if he thought I was seeing anyone else. It wasn't because he loved me and wanted us to be in a committed relationship. It was because he wanted me to be 100% available to him for sex whenever HE decided he wanted some.

  11. #10
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    OP,

    His actions clearly show that he is only in this for occasional sex and attention. You really need to watch people's actions to know their intentions- texting all the time is nothing, and the fact that he choose time with his friend shows where you fit into his life.

    Be done with this!

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