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Thread: What should I do with someone I love who disrespected me?

  1. #61
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    Hello, to answer your questions I'm not talking to him since he stood me up. The day we were supposed to meet I got his message saying he was sorry but he had to meet a friend and he'd call me later once he'd be done (he never called). I never texted back, & stopped checking his texts since then. I just know he's texting every day several times a day because I get notifications but I don't know what he says. I have been ignoring him for 10 days now . At this point, let's suppose he cares & he realized he made a mistake by treating me that way, what's the thing he should at least do so that he could prove me he is not an ******* & he really cares ? What sign other than words should I expect from him to make sure he cares? Some people don't realize the value of something until it's gone, and I think he likes chasing by nature (he's a bizdev BTW).
    And yes about my personal issues, it's rare for me to like someone that much (it happens once every a few years), so yeah when I meet somebody I like that so much I'm deeply involved & get strong feelings which make me stubborn & fight until the end to make what I want happen
    . This doesn't happen with every guy, and even if the emotions I feel when I meet someone I like are quite intense every time, I usually move on fast when I don't like the guy as much as I like this one.

  2. #62
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Why don't you go one step further and just block his number so that he can't text you?

    What do you think he should do? Throw himself on the ground before you and swear to love and keep you forever? What are you wanting from a guy you don't even know that well? From a guy who so casually blew you off for someone else?

    You want to give him another chance? Fine, but don't be surprised if you get disappointed again.

  3. #63
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    You're not even in a relationship. You are his FWB.

    We are going in circles. He already showed you with action that he does not care.
    He lives on another continent and you possibly see one another a few times a year. Even if this recent event had not have happened, I do not understand why this is enough? You are getting older, don't you want someone you can see on a regular basis, and someone who actually wants a relationship with you?

    I suggest you look at baggagereclaim.com for emotional unavailability, as you keep on choosing people where you cannot make a real commitment. It is strange.

  4. #64
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    I've learned how to be happy on my own in my life. I couldn't force myself to look for someone just not to be alone. So whenever I have an attraction for someone, which is quite rare, I pursue it regardless of the context .
    I also don't get to meet many people I could date in my place. It just doesn't happen even if I go out quite a lot.

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  6. #65
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    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    I've learned how to be happy on my own in my life. I couldn't force myself to look for someone just not to be alone. So whenever I have an attraction for someone, which is quite rare, I pursue it regardless of the context .
    I also don't get to meet many people I could date in my place. It just doesn't happen even if I go out quite a lot.
    So you choose someone on another continent. That makes zero sense.

    I too am happy, but I also want my partner to be within the same area. This has nothing to do with being happy, but accepting what is not acceptable.

    Good luck! I'm out.

  7. #66
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    I don't get how they're even FWBs.

    Don't you have to actually see each other in person for that?

    If she chooses to re engage, they are essentially "pen" pals.

    OP, if you're ok w that, no judgment from me.

    Just don't have any expectations about it being more, that's all.

    Just enjoy your electronic interaction for what it is, not what you want and hope it will be.

    His actions suggest he does not want what you want..

    He's inundating you w texts now not because he likes you, he likes the challenge because you're ignoring him, big difference.

  8. #67
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    So you choose someone on another continent. That makes zero sense.

    I too am happy, but I also want my partner to be within the same area. This has nothing to do with being happy, but accepting what is not acceptable.

    Good luck! I'm out.
    It's not about choosing, it has just happened. It's the first time I get these feelings for somebody who lives so far away. I had other long distance relationships with people in the same continent, which I ended with no effort when things started getting hard. But this time it's more complicated to just let everything go, with this guy :(

  9. #68
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    Actually you are choosing him. By choosing to continue w this drama, you are choosing him.

    You can also make the choice to un-choose him too, and walk away.

    But it sounds like you're too deeply entrenched in this fantasy image of him you're created, so I'm choosing to bow out of discussion and really do wish you the best.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-06-2019 at 06:52 PM.

  10. #69
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    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    But this time it's more complicated to just let everything go, with this guy :(
    Let what go, exactly?

    There isn't really that much to let go of, for all intents and purposes. You're not dating. You've met a few times. He's lukewarm about you. It seems to me you're hanging on to a fantasy that doesn't actually have a lot of basis in reality.

  11. #70
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    I've learned how to be happy on my own in my life. I couldn't force myself to look for someone just not to be alone. So whenever I have an attraction for someone, which is quite rare, I pursue it regardless of the context. I also don't get to meet many people I could date in my place. It just doesn't happen even if I go out quite a lot.
    Again, I challenge you to at least entertain the idea that part of what you find so attractive about this man is the context: that the distance—a geographic form of flakiness—is part of the draw and part of why you're so willing to rationalize his flakiness.

    And I challenge you to at least ask if that draw is connected to some place inside your own life where you're not happy, but looking for something—something "out there"—to be the thing that brings happiness.

    As others are saying: there's not really much here to be excited about, but plenty to be bored with, disappointed by, twisted up over. The only thing giving any of this meaning or potential is in your brain. Out in the actual world and away from the phone he's just a guy playing the field, having some fun, and being totally open about that in words and actions.

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