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Thread: What should I do with someone I love who disrespected me?

  1. #21
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    I had 3 long relationships from when I was 17 to 24. Then from 24 on I just met dozens of guys only looking for superficial relationships (either just wanting sex, married guys lying, guys disappearing once we had sex & sometimes people living far away on top of that. I tried different kind of people from different environments & countries, different age also, they are all educated people I met at school or work. No dating apps). I don't understand why it is like that since I've always been the same, I'm much more mature now than I was 10 or 5 years ago when I was in a relationship with guys who loved me.
    I know the guy is single because I asked him and he told me he was and he also said he enjoys it this way because he travels too much.

  2. #22
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    So, you just go by his word. Hmmm.

    He said he enjoys being single. So, you know that it will never progress. What are you looking to get from this situation?

  3. #23
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    He also said this may turn in something else & said he was planning to come to Europe in the summer spend 3 weeks together.

  4. #24
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    Right now you have a relationship with your phone, with a day or two of physical contact sprinkled in every few months.

    Instead of asking why HE bothers, how about asking yourself why you are willing to settle for so little from someone you hardly know?

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    He also said this may turn in something else & said he was planning to come to Europe in the summer spend 3 weeks together.
    I really don't get why this is enough for you. The fact that he ditched you for a friend after not seeing him for such a long time, shows your importance in his life. You need to address your desperation to have anyone in your life, which I believe is due to your dry spell in dating.

    This will never go anywhere. You have really set yourself up for failure in the relationship department by latching onto this clown.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-05-2019 at 06:12 PM.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    He also said this may turn in something else & said he was planning to come to Europe in the summer spend 3 weeks together.
    Eh, and then what? You already know that what he says doesn't mean much. His behaviour is doing the talking and it isn't the behaviour of someone who is taking you seriously. You'll have a fun three weeks, if it actually happens, and then he'll be on his way again.

    This very likely isn't going to end the way you hope, OP.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    Because I have feelings for him & I prefer to focus on positive possibilities rather than just destroying everything.
    I also think that if he didn't care at all he would just block me & not talk to me at all. Why should he waste time on keeping in touch with me while he could just have sex with girls in his town if that's the only thing he wants?
    If he just wanted to keep me available for sex only again it would be weird because we live so far away & we can't have sex any time we want. And when sex was actually available last week he didn't show up!
    I'm not getting your logic here, it seems quite twisted actually.

    Originally Posted by Oceane1990
    He disrespected me because he kept telling me for several days that he was looking forward to meeting me that day, we made plans which means I changed my plans to meet him. If he didn't want to meet that 'd be perfectly fine we are not together we could have met another time. He disrespected me because he made me make special plans to meet him, then he told me last minute he wasn't able to come anymore & also turned off his phone. This is disrespect towards another human being.
    By your own admission above, he disrespected you and treated you quite poorly.

    But because you have feelings, you prefer to ignore this huge red flag, which btw also suggests the guy doesn't give a cr**, and focus on the positive?

    Which is what exactly? Text messages?

    Just me, but I wouldn't hold my breath on ever spending any real time with this bozo again.

    Well I take that back, you might, if he's ever in your area again, and assuming he doesn't get a better offer like last time, but would this be good enough for you?

    Why does he continue texting you? Because he likes the attention and because he knows how into him you are, it's a huge ego boost for him. And he's likely texting other women as well for same reason.

    It's the boost he needs to successfully hit on and hook up with other women locally, which is what he did the night he flaked on you and turned off his phone. Please don't kid yourself about that.

    As I said, he likes the attention and ego boost you give him and knows just what to say to continue getting it.

    If he actually "cared" or were even remotely into you, he would not have stood you up the way he did, or turned off his phone.

    This really should have been an automatic deal breaker and yes imo, it was completely disrespectful, rude and certainly not indicative of a man who "cares."

    I'm sorry, I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I really do think your feelings are clouding your good judgment.

    I've done it too, so I understand. But I just don't see this working out well for you at all, I'm sorry.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-05-2019 at 07:38 PM.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I'm not getting your logic here, it seems



    By your own admission above, he disrespected you and treated you quite poorly.

    But because you have feelings, you prefer to ignore this huge red flag, which btw also suggests the guy doesn't give a cr**, and focus on the positive?

    Which is what exactly? Text messages?

    Just me, but I wouldn't hold my breath on ever spending any real time with this bozo again.

    Well I take that back, you might, if he's ever in your area again, and assuming he doesn't get a better offer like last time, but would this be good enough for you?

    Why does he continue texting you? Because he likes the attention and because he knows how into him you are, it's a huge ego boost for him. And he's likely texting other women as well for same reason.

    It's the boost he needs to successfully hit on and hook up with other women locally, which is what he did the night he flaked on you and turned off his phone. Please don't kid yourself about that.

    As I said, he likes the attention and ego boost you give him and knows just what to say to continue getting it.

    If he actually "cared" or were even remotely into you, he would not have stood you up the way he did, or turned off his phone.

    This really should have been an automatic deal breaker and yes imo, it was completely disrespectful, rude and certainly not indicative of a man who "cares."

    I'm sorry, I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I really do think your feelings are clouding your good judgment.

    I've done it too, so I understand. But I just don't see this working out well for you at all, I'm sorry.
    Thank you for your great advice! That makes a lot of sense.
    About dating other women instead of me, pls let's keep it logical. He told me he had a friend's birthday. I think it's very important not to assume things we are not sure of, I screwed up my last relationship thinking that my ex was cheating while he was not :)
    Anyway people date whoever they want, cheat whenever they want & there isn't anything we can really do about that. If they want to cheat or date somebody else they'll always find a way. The only thing we can do is being so cool that they won't want anybody else!

  10. #29
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    About the bday, fair enough but then why the need to turn off his phone?

    I mean what's the point of that unless he's hiding something, and could he not have seen you afterward for a bit?

    And no I absolutely 1000% disagree that we should be "cool" so a man won't want anyone else.

    May I ask where you got this mindset from?

    Well actually nevermind, I already know cause believe it or not I used to believe this too, I even created a thread about it, it was one of my earliest threads.

    How we like to pretend we're so "cool" w everything so we won't scare men away and they will want us more!

    Boy have I learned it's actually the exact opposite!

    I have learned that all "being cool" will get you is a man who has zero respect for you, views you as a doormat w no boundaries, certainly not a woman to have a relationship with and fall in love with.

    Men fall in love w women who respect themselves and strong enough to maintain proper boundaries.

    Not a doormat who tolerates their bullshyt!

    That does not mean calling him out on his bullshyt, not this early.

    Just walk away, the end.

    Respect yourself first.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    About the bday, fair enough but then why the need to turn off his phone?

    I mean what's the point of that unless he's hiding something, and could he not have seen you afterward for a bit?

    And no I absolutely 1000% disagree that we should be "cool" so a man won't want anyone else.

    May I ask where you got this mindset from?

    Well actually nevermind, I already know cause believe it or not I used to believe this too, I even created a thread about it, it was one of my earliest threads.

    How we like to pretend we're so "cool" w everything so we won't scare men away and they will want us more!

    Boy have I learned it's actually the exact opposite!

    I have learned that all "being cool" will get you is a man who has zero respect for you, views you as a doormat w no boundaries, certainly not a woman to have a relationship with and fall in love with.

    Men fall in love w women who respect themselves and strong enough to maintain proper boundaries.

    Not a doormat who tolerates their bullshyt!
    It seems that she will have to put herself through a lot more pain. I guarantee she will be back here in the summer, after things fall apart.

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