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Thread: I want to stop being obsessive with people

  1. #1
    Member Plllover's Avatar
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    I want to stop being obsessive with people

    met this guy at uni. The first few days were a little bit weird because he would text me all day non-stop. I got used to it and I started liking him. As soon as it happened he started taking more time to respond to my texts. He’d come back saying “sorry I was eating dinner” or “sorry I didn’t get back to to you I was doing X thing”. He is super sweet in person and he told me he liked me, he even did a Spotify list with my name on it with all the songs I recommended him. I don’t know why I start thinking so much and start getting so paranoid just because he takes more time to get back to me via WhatsApp. In person he is caring, but I really hate that he sees my texts but decides to ignore them and reply just when he feels like it. I know I’m guilty of doing it but I can’t stand when somebody else does it to me. So, I started wondering ... why is he taking more time now than before?? I started being paranoid and I straight up asked him! He told me that it’s not on purpose, he apologized like 100x times, and said he feels really bad for the delays, that he is studying now, that he had much more time before so that’s why he would message me all the time but now he’s busy with uni. I totally get him because it’s happenin to me too, but I feel like he took more time for me before. At the same time he told me he apologizes and in such a cute way, that I was like awwww I’m overreacting. And I really wanna stop being so obsessive and possessive with people I’m dating. How can achieve this? I really want this guy to be my boyfriend: he shows me that he wants to be with me and Is sosososo sweet (he listens to the same music as I do, and has a lovely and mature personality) but social media is making me go crazy. It’s like you see that he’s ignoring you when you see him “online” and doesn’t enter the chat. Today for example he did that and I told him “stop ignoring meeeeee” (he used to do that when he met me so I was like okay, if I do it once there is nothing wrong) - and he told me “I’m sorry I was cooking and arranging a meeting with the guys to study Android” (we study computer science) so that’s why he was online and not replying to me. Agh I wanna stop being so needy and stop feeling anxious about things I can’t control. At the end of the day, I can’t control what other people feel/ think of me. I want to know, how do you manage this texting thing? I really want to know, people of Reddit with partners, how do you manage when your partner is “online” but doesn’t see your texts? I want to lower the importance I give to text messaging but I find it so hard. I’ve never been in a relationship before so I don’t know how it works. I know the other person is another person and has a life besides me, but idk what to think about this. Please help me give me advice

  2. #2
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    Stop texting!

    Seriously I’m surprised he is still giving you his time!

    I might go online on my break at work but I’m chatting to workmates so no I don’t have time to get into a chat and while I read a message I will only reply when I can actually give that person the time they deserve. I could respond with something quick and generic but I’d rather wait to reply in a more personal manner.

    Occasionally I’ve had people like you in the interim go all crazy on me.
    Me thinking aww nice message I’ll reply later with an equally nice one when I get the chance.
    But I ended up blocking because they went crazy!!! Before I even got to reply.

  3. #3
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    I know it's very difficult but try to not overthink it. I have been in this situation myself and it's not because I'm ignoring the girl, it may be because I'm busy between work or doing something else and I don't want to give a quick message back without putting effort and thought into it. If he is busy this could be the same. Take it as a good thing....he's messaging you back. If he stops then you might have reason to think something. He sounds like a caring guy, I doubt very much he's doing it on purpose. I would however try to control youserlf from asking him why he isn't replying be patient and busy yourself too. He won't like it too much if you continue to ask him why he's not answering when you expect him too.
    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He has a life besides you, so why don't you have a life besides him? Get one, because when you make one person the sole center of your universe, it's smothering to him and unhealthy for you. He texted more before because everything is overblown in the first throes of a new relationship.

    Make texting less important in your own world. Let him make the first effort of the day and then reply. Then leave it alone. Study. Enjoy your solo time pampering yourself, cooking, volunteering. Spend time with a girlfriend.

    I read that when you interrupt someone when they are working or studying, it takes them 12 minutes to focus again. Men are more attracted to women who have their own independent lives--women who are so full of joy, he'll want to be a part of that. If you're needy (why are you ignoring me), he will want to escape your tight clutches. You will be sabotaging what could be a good thing.

    Of course, if a guy makes little effort with you, such as not meeting up with you a few times a week, you don't have to settle for breadcrumbs. If your needs aren't being met, you can move on. Just make sure your expectations are reasonable. Ask girlfriends if you're expecting too much if you don't trust your own expectations, which might be outrageous.

    Try to enjoy all the world has to offer outside of social media, because obviously it's not working out for you.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You are perceived as insecure whenever you hound people whether it's texting, messaging, emailing, phone calling, postal letters, getting together in person or whatever. Back off! Give people time and space otherwise they'll either ghost you, block you, fade away, ignore you, play you for a fool, not take you seriously or actually become angry and your correspondence will sorely backfire.

    Get a life and have your own life, do your own thing. Develop interests of your own whether it's intellect, exercise, outings, reading good books, hobbies, surrounding yourself with friends and family or whatever. Do what you enjoy and what makes you happy. Never glom onto others because they'll try to flick you off their shoulder like a dead flea. Be careful regarding how you navigate yourself.

  7. #6
    Member prada's Avatar
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    I have the same problem. I need to get a life, my whole world ends up revolving around the person i am with! I need help. And i always think they are cheating...


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