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Thread: Weirded out by GF serial liking her Stepsister's Boyfriends FB Posts

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Wow! You were THAT impulsive to contact the landlord?
    While I believe she is pulling some dramatics , she basically said she would see you Sunday.
    She may have been bluffing. But now she needs to proceed with her plans because you have already put her plans in motion.

    You are both so immature and impulsive that this actually canít work.
    I thought for a minute it could but you are both against it.
    No, during our fight Friday I kept telling her she needs to stay and we need to figure it out/talk. Saying we/she needs to talk to the landlord and see if we can get out of the lease. During the height of it, she sent a group text message which included myself and the landlord basically saying 'we need to break the lease'. The landlord responded saying only option is to put place back on market and there's no telling when that would be completed. I just responded by text saying no its ok, I'll go ahead and take full responsibility for it.

    The landlord called me right after that text and said that's fine. He asked me if I wanted to officially remove my GF from the lease and I said no that isn't necessary. I didn't tell my GF this part though. (site note: so embarrassing looking back on this now. involving the landlord in our domestic drama)

    Either way, I agree it was some passive aggressiveness from me on the last reply by me. I was obviously still a little heated.
    Last edited by thelonerange; 05-05-2019 at 04:28 AM.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by thelonerange
    No, during our fight Friday I kept telling her she needs to stay and we need to figure it out/talk. Saying we/she needs to talk to the landlord and see if we can get out of the lease. During the height of it, she sent a group text message which included myself and the landlord basically saying 'we need to break the lease'. The landlord responded saying only option is to put place back on market and there's no telling when that would be completed. I just responded by text saying no its ok, I'll go ahead and take full responsibility for it.

    The landlord called me right after that text and said that's fine. He asked me if I wanted to officially remove my GF from the lease and I said no that isn't necessary. I didn't tell my GF this part though.

    Either way, I agree it was some passive aggressiveness from me on the last reply by me. I was obviously still a little heated.
    Why did you tell her she needed to stay? She didnít! She just wanted time out!
    You escalated things to push her to do something about the lease. Which was basically you opting out of the relationship and involving others.
    The more you add to the story the more manipulative you sound? Sorry!

    Anyone truly invested in their partner and wanting to commit to their partner does not play these games that jeopardise where you live. She went to stay at a friends and thatís fine. Let things cool. But you insisted she stay to sort out the break up bitty gritty. She was likely not breaking up with you at that point.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Why did you tell her she needed to stay? She didnít! She just wanted time out!
    You escalated things to push her to do something about the lease. Which was basically you opting out of the relationship and involving others.
    The more you add to the story the more manipulative you sound? Sorry!

    Anyone truly invested in their partner and wanting to commit to their partner does not play these games that jeopardise where you live. She went to stay at a friends and thatís fine. Let things cool. But you insisted she stay to sort out the break up bitty gritty. She was likely not breaking up with you at that point.
    You're right about the manipulation but from my viewpoint she was leaving me to deal with all the consequences and responsibilities. Rent was due that day on the 3rd and instead of using her money to help and pay anything on her share, she uses it to drive 100 miles to a friends place and do activities over the weekend. I ended up doing the electronic payment for the whole amount that night like I have been since January. At the time I felt it was unfair - i was mad at the situation too obviously. Would have been nice to just get out of town to clear my head and not worry about using any money on rent. Also it's not like she made it clear that it was to just blow off steam. I thought it could just be over at that point and again I'm stuck with all the consequences.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How comfortable are you with this impending "huge commitment to the relationship in terms of finances and living situation"? It seems like you are hunting for any excuse to not continue with that and be able to pin it on her. Why not be honest with yourself and reflect on how ready, willing and able you are to proceed.
    Originally Posted by thelonerange
    I told myself I wouldn't be serious with her but I ended up falling for her. Been a little over 2 years now

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by thelonerange
    You're right about the manipulation but from my viewpoint she was leaving me to deal with all the consequences and responsibilities. Rent was due that day on the 3rd and instead of using her money to help and pay anything on her share, she uses it to drive 100 miles to a friends place and do activities over the weekend. I ended up doing the electronic payment for the whole amount that night like I have been since January. At the time I felt it was unfair - i was mad at the situation too obviously. Would have been nice to just get out of town to clear my head and not worry about using any money on rent. Also it's not like she made it clear that it was to just blow off steam. I thought it could just be over at that point and again I'm stuck with all the consequences.
    You were ok and allowed her not to pay rent , but the day you have an argument , suddenly your not ok with it? Why?

    She didnít use rent money to drive and do activities. She used her money that didnít include rent payments at your agreement . All of a sudden you want her to pay rent so she canít leave?

    Of course she didnít make it out that she left to blow off steam , she is dramatic just like you.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You were ok and allowed her not to pay rent , but the day you have an argument , suddenly your not ok with it? Why?

    She didnít use rent money to drive and do activities. She used her money that didnít include rent payments at your agreement . All of a sudden you want her to pay rent so she canít leave?

    Of course she didnít make it out that she left to blow off steam , she is dramatic just like you.
    Well at this point she gets to stay over at a friends house, looking for 1br places to live. Whenever she finds one she can just move there and not give a second thought about our current place together. She has the luxury to find a cheap or nice place, whichever fits her budget. She doesn't even have to ever contact or see me again if that's what she chooses. Meanwhile, my choices are to take over the full financial cost of the current place or accept an eviction by not paying. I also get to be the storage unit for the extra bed she provided and her laptop + a few misc things.

    I texted her this morning asking to talk and that I want to live together still but haven't received a response. Don't think there's any need to continue sending messages like a crazy ex so I'll leave my communication off from there. She knows I'm at home, that I want her to live with me, and that I want to talk. So she probably is still looking for a 1br while staying with a friend in my current city. Easily, the next message could be in a week or two asking when a good time would be to pickup the rest of her things.

    In reflection, I should have more accounted for this possibility before moving in together. Or we should have talked about it beforehand to have a plan in case something like this happened? But I just think its super unfair - if its really over I would much rather just be sitting in a hotel (don't have any friends in this city) looking at apartments that are half the price of my townhome. Knowing my ex isn't an and will keep my stuff safe. I would be able to get it when I'm ready to move into the new place.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How comfortable are you with this impending "huge commitment to the relationship in terms of finances and living situation"? It seems like you are hunting for any excuse to not continue with that and be able to pin it on her. Why not be honest with yourself and reflect on how ready, willing and able you are to proceed.
    Yah you're right and I think that has been lost in a lot of what I been thinking about the past few days. It's kind of looking like a breakup to me so it's definitely something I need to reflect on to improve. I said that because we have been dating a little over 2 years and was thinking of possibility of marriage. For the most part we get along really well, we have had only about 3 fights throughout course of relationship. When living together past few months, we get along really well and still very affectionate with each other. The sex life great, hasn't go down at all. Also we began exploring the option to buy a house. It didn't seem smart to be paying 2500/month on rent instead of building equity on something.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by thelonerange
    Yah you're right and I think that has been lost in a lot of what I been thinking about the past few days. It's kind of looking like a breakup to me so it's definitely something I need to reflect on to improve. I said that because we have been dating a little over 2 years and was thinking of possibility of marriage. For the most part we get along really well, we have had only about 3 fights throughout course of relationship. When living together past few months, we get along really well and still very affectionate with each other. The sex life great, hasn't go down at all. Also we began exploring the option to buy a house. It didn't seem smart to be paying 2500/month on rent instead of building equity on something.
    I don't think that is what Wiseman meant.

    My take was that you seemed intent on finding something "wrong" to justify not moving forward yourself, out of anxiety, fear of commitment, or whatever.

    So you decide to go snooping through your gf's FB, then her step-sister's FB, then her step-sister's bf's FB, who does this? Who goes to such extremes?

    Someone looking to find crap to justify not moving forward and pinning it all on her, essentially blaming her versus owning your own fears and anxiety about it.

    I mean didn't you say you didn't want anything serious when you met her?

    Now that it's getting serious, your anxiety kicked in and you start looking for shyt and pinning it on her, making you look like the good guy, her the bad guy.

    I could be wrong, but might be worth considering and being emotionally honest about.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I don't think that is what Wiseman meant.

    My take was that you seemed intent on finding something "wrong" to justify not moving forward yourself, out of anxiety, fear of commitment, or whatever.

    So you decide to go snooping through your gf's FB, then her step-sister's FB, then her step-sister's bf's FB, who does this? Who goes to such extremes?

    Someone looking to find crap to justify not moving forward and pinning it all on her, essentially blaming her versus owning your own fears and anxiety about it.

    I mean didn't you say you didn't want anything serious when you met her?

    Now that it's getting serious, your anxiety kicked in and you start looking for shyt and pinning it on her, making you look like the good guy, her the bad guy.

    I could be wrong, but might be worth considering and being emotionally honest about.
    Yah that makes a lot more sense, and if I'm being honest with myself, seems like a dead on assessment. I'll go back to this when I have some time to reflect on what has transpired.

    Update: So she texts me today and said I should take her off the lease, she is currently looking for a new place. I then apologized for being childish and overreacting and asked to discuss. I ask again to talk and she says 'nah im good'. then follows up with a 'theres nothing to talk about, why would you want to be with someone you can't trust'. So I said I want this to work out and can we please discuss or did she just want me to leave her alone? She just said 'yes'. I was confused as to what the 'yes' was to so I asked for clarification but haven't received a reply. At this point, I feel like I'm pulling teeth to get anywhere on the issue. She could just be angry and wanting me to feel pain or maybe its over in her head. I'm not really sure because I know shes been busy going to a bunch of street festivals / bars to drink with friends throughout the day. No I didn't stalk to find that out, ( I unfollowed her on social media so that I wouldn't see anything from her in my feed for the time being) pictures popped up on my feed from her friends. And yah I honestly can't help be a little bit annoyed, although I haven't mentioned to her, that she's spending money on going to all these drinking activities when shes contributed 0 to any of the living expenses. I know you guys criticized me for being annoyed saying I agreed to pay expenses. It was never anything formal. I just said, listen you don't have a job and I don't mind paying for everything until you are able to find one. I also told her take her time and to not feel pressured to get a job because of having no money. I wanted her to be happy and not just take the first thing that came along. However, I didn't sign up to basically be a sugar daddy. If she has enough money (from her small time book keeping clients she has) to drive 90 miles and back, buy fair tickets, buy drinks over the whole weekend, why can't she throw $100 towards utilities? I feel like if the roles were reversed, and I was living off my GF for free and what little money I made I went straight to the bar to spend, you guys would be calling me a scumbag.
    Last edited by thelonerange; 05-05-2019 at 08:53 PM.

  11. #30
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    Why do you want her back? She's a cheater and you can't trust her, you feel anxious with good reason so stop acting in this sad manner and retain some dignity. I can't believe you let her use you financially and she didn't even contribute anything, jeez. I hope you learnt something from this and next time focus on someone's character and someone who has the ability to support themselves.she acted this way bc you were way too easy and allowed it.
    Last edited by Honeycomb8; 05-08-2019 at 05:28 PM.

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