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Thread: Help!

  1. #1
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    Help!

    Hi everyone.

    So I have been dating this guy for about a month now; he is so sweet and affectionate and I'm beginning to fall for him.

    He recently loved to London 6 weeks ago and within those 6 weeks has found 2 jobs within 2 weeks and started them. However he hasn't been paid his first pay check yet and is living with a friend for the time being. I paid for the first date even though he insisted I didnt and wanted to reschedule (I'm not a traditional girl in the sense of I dont mind paying for the first date).

    Yesterday, he told me that he'd had a phone call from his ex girlfriend who he broke up with 7 months ago, with her asking him to lend her money to help her with her sick dog (hers and her familys, not his). He politely said no and told her that it was none of his business.

    She has now written on social media accusing him of stealing from her, taking drugs and scamming women.
    I cannot believe that he could do these things as his personality has been so good and he has been so kind and loving to me.

    But i cant get this fear out of my head, I want to trust him and hes told me the truth of everything so far. He just insists his ex is trying to get revenge for dumping him and that hes sorry I've been dragged into this. Hes exceptionally hard working as hes proven with getting two jobs and is extremely proactive.

    I've been hurt in the past and I'm medicated for anxiety due to this. But i dont want to throw away something with potential due to someone spreading rumours.

    Any advice would be great please, thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Have you done a background check on him?
    How did you meet him?
    You've only been dating him a month. I would consider this the first red flag because whether she is telling the truth or not, she is still very much a part of his life. Why hasn't he blocked and deleted her so that she can't contact him for money or anything else?

  3. #3
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You've known him for only a month. You know nothing about him. Everything she says about him could be true. Is there a way to look up criminal records where you live?

    Ted Bundy was a handsome, charming man who was kind to his mother.

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    Not sure how helpful that last comment is.

    No there isn't a way.

    I'm asking if I should give him the benefit of the doubt considering how kind and lovely he is to me.

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  6. #5
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    Plus he has been upfront about everything to me so far and I dont think he has any reason to lie. I agree I need to be cautious, but I also think that it could all be a pack of lies.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Have you done a background check on him?
    How did you meet him?
    You've only been dating him a month. I would consider this the first red flag because whether she is telling the truth or not, she is still very much a part of his life. Why hasn't he blocked and deleted her so that she can't contact him for money or anything else?
    He had deleted her number but she contacted him.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluebutterflie
    He had deleted her number but she contacted him.
    Why did he bother responding? He should have just ignored her.
    Why does he know what she's doing on social media? Is he still a part of all of that?

    Do a background check. See if anything comes up. I know where I live nothing much would show due to our privacy laws but its worth you trying to see if anything nefarious shows up.

  9. #8
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    He didnt recognise the number so answered it and realised it was her.

    He doesnt have social media anymore. I looked her up to see if she had said anything and she had.

    How do I do a background check?

  10. #9
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    I really do feel like giving him the benefit of the doubt. There have been no red flags so far and I cant just take the word of an ex on this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluebutterflie
    I really do feel like giving him the benefit of the doubt. There have been no red flags so far and I cant just take the word of an ex on this.
    Well then you have answered your own thread. Just don't ignore your own gut for the sake of being with someone. It seems rather over the top for someone to go to the trouble of defaming someone like that just because they wouldn't lend them money so for me, it's kind of a hard pill to swallow.

    Do you know what his dating history actually is? How long did he date her and why did they break up?

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