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Thread: Help!

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well then you have answered your own thread. Just don't ignore your own gut for the sake of being with someone. It seems rather over the top for someone to go to the trouble of defaming someone like that just because they wouldn't lend them money so for me, it's kind of a hard pill to swallow.

    Do you know what his dating history actually is? How long did he date her and why did they break up?
    I'm wary, of course I am. But up until now theres been no red flags and so far they are the best dates I have ever been on, and never connected to anyone the way I have with him.

    He was with this girl for 2 and a half years and they broke up 7 months ago.

    I dont believe in judging someone on their past, I certainly wouldn't want someone judging me on mine.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluebutterflie
    I'm wary, of course I am. But up until now theres been no red flags and so far they are the best dates I have ever been on, and never connected to anyone the way I have with him.

    He was with this girl for 2 and a half years and they broke up 7 months ago.

    I dont believe in judging someone on their past, I certainly wouldn't want someone judging me on mine.
    Its not about "judging them on their past" but rather keeping YOUR best interests in mind. You have only dated him a month and you don't even know him yet. Most scammers are very good at being "the best" during the honeymoon period.

    My final advice: keep your heart off your sleeve, your eyes open and make sure words and actions match.

  3. #13
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    Where did you get all the information you have about him and his past? From him?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You can give him the benefit of the doubt but do keep your eyes and ears open, especially as you dont know him, it's only been a month. You dont know anyone in a month.

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I find it odd that he mentioned his ex after only dating you for one month. With that in mind, as well as taking into account how you barely know him, it's way too soon to judge his true character, (imo).

    Either way I would tone it down, and lower my expectations at this point.

  7. #16
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    You say he has been upfront about everything so far.
    But you don’t know him well enough to know if what he has been upfront about is truth or not.

    The red flag for me is that he went out on a date with you before his first pay cheque! And money was tight?
    So he moved to a new city without buffer funds?

    How did you meet him?

  8. #17
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I would never date someone who had a revengeful ex that is still in the picture, knowing who I am and slamming me personally. It's not good timing IMO for him to be dating someone because of that and the fact he is financially unstable So he's nice, but has he done anything to stop the harassment? If he is not shutting her down, blocking her from social media, etc. Then maybe take a step back before investing your feelings. Oh and keep your hand on your wallet...DO NOT keep paying or lend him money. You don't know too much about this guy.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by bluebutterflie
    I'm wary, of course I am. But up until now theres been no red flags and so far they are the best dates I have ever been on, and never connected to anyone the way I have with him.

    He was with this girl for 2 and a half years and they broke up 7 months ago.

    I dont believe in judging someone on their past, I certainly wouldn't want someone judging me on mine.
    butterfile, you said he has no reason to lie.

    My response to that is -- that you know of.

    You have only known him one month for heaven's sake, of course he's on his best behaviour!

    What you do know is that he claims he has two jobs but had no money to pay for your date, so you paid. Jobs he has apparently had for six weeks or close to.

    Does this sound legit to you? That he had NO money? It sure doesn't to me.

    You also know about a very disgruntled ex, disgruntled enough to post some very questionable and nasty things on social media. A woman who dated him for 2.5 years.

    Sure she could have made it up, but imo doubtful. Not on social media for all to read and where she could easily get called out if untrue. She could even be accused of defamation which is against the law.

    In my experience, where there is a very unhappy and disgruntled ex posting viciousness on social media, somewhere there is a guy who has provoked her revenge and viciousness.

    Again, you have only known him one month, reality is you have NO idea what his true agenda is..

    All this spells red flag to me, and the fact he chooses to remain involved w his ex, such that she calls him for money? Or so he claims?

    After only a month in, I would dump him on that alone!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-04-2019 at 08:24 PM.

  10. #19
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Too early to tell. Rather than getting ahead of yourself see what happens in the next few weeks. Obviously the first few things about him were ok for you to entertain dating him. That's your choice and if you're sure about it, stop worrying so much over nothing.

    Personally, he's not my cup of tea. Dating someone who has "just moved" to a new town is never a good idea. He's already struck out in my books. In my mind, someone needs time to adjust and settle into a new life. Rushing into anything with anyone while they're getting settled and haven't even received their first pay cheques is just asking for trouble and I don't have the patience to deal with scenarios like that. Been there, done that, wrote the book. Oh and the ex-gf thing is just a hairy footnote. I wouldn't have stuck around to hear it.

  11. #20
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    This is not adding up. He had no money at all to pay for even himself - unless you insisted on attending the theater etc. he’s not able fo pay rent. And somehow his ex thinks he has enough $ to lend her $? And he told you ? He told you I thInk because he knew what she’d post. Is he claiming she’s now mentally unstable ?

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