They changed

First off long time lurker, first time poster. I'm anonymous due to I'm a fairly private individual, I'll attempt to remain as so, no hard feelings I just don't trust the internet too well. Anyways to the meat and potatoes of this situation, I recently had my significant other move in, prior to them moving in everything was great, we would talk, laugh, have a good time. But as soon as they moved in they changed, a bit distant, doesn't talk as much, definitely doesn't joke around like we used to. I'm not sure what to do or how to take it. I got out of a really crummy relationship prior to meeting this individual and have been very apprehensive about having someone else here since that, and the sudden change definitely doesn't exactly gain any confidence. Any advice is good, just know I genuinely love this person and hope our future is very long term.

Have you asked them about this change you perceive? What was their response?

How is your S.O. acting different? Are you sure they are acting different or is it you that is acting differently? You seem to still have a lot of baggage left from your last relationship since half of your one paragraph opening post is about that relationship and not your current one.

How is your S.O. acting different? Are you sure they are acting different or is it you that is acting differently? You seem to still have a lot of baggage left from your last relationship since half of your one paragraph opening post is about that relationship and not your current one.

I was using that as a point to elaborate upon why I'm even asking for advice. Simply put, I got messed over pretty hard with that and I'm really not trying to go down the same road. I don't change for anything, I'm the same person I am today as I was yesterday and I will be the exact same tomorrow too. Sure sometimes one may roll out of bed in a bad mood, but it's not a constant thing. How they've been different has been stated in the paragraph, but I will elaborate. Prior to the move in, we would joke around, show affection, openly talk about stuff, exchange I love yous and so on. After the move almost all the joking around stopped, I haven't gotten as much as a brush of the shoulder as far as affection goes, communication has kinda stopped and had caused me to kinda retract myself a bit cause I don't know what to do with it. (yes I've asked if everything is ok and I've gotten two responses "I'm tired." Or " everything is fine.") I've kept consistently attempting to communicate, I've kept everything about the same as far as sleeping arrangements as prior to the move in, I've done everything about the same with the exception of doing their laundry if there is any and other common things.

. How they've been different has been stated in the paragraph, but I will elaborate. Prior to the move in, we would joke around, show affection, openly talk about stuff, exchange I love yous and so on.

Okay, all sounds well.

 

After the move almost all the joking around stopped,

Do you joke around with her and she doesn't respond?

I haven't gotten as much as a brush of the shoulder as far as affection goes,

When you initiate "affection" does she shrug you off? How does she respond to your attempts at affection?

communication has kinda stopped and had caused me to kinda retract myself a bit cause I don't know what to do with it.

So when you sit down and discuss your day, current events, ask her how her day was etc. does she just ignore you?

 

(yes I've asked if everything is ok and I've gotten two responses "I'm tired." Or " everything is fine.") I've kept consistently attempting to communicate, I've kept everything about the same as far as sleeping arrangements as prior to the move in,

What does that mean? "Sleeping arrangements?

 

I've done everything about the same with the exception of doing their laundry if there is any and other common things.

By "common things" what do you mean?

 

When you ask her what is wrong and she says "nothing everything is fine" do you ask her why all of what you mention is going on then?

 

I don't know but there is something you aren't doing or something that she's discovered since moving in with you that she's not pleased with. Too bad she's not willing to communicate what (if anything) is bothering her.

 

How long did you guys date before she moved in with you?

Surely you know we have no idea who you are on here, there's no clues to your identity, so no worries about anonymity.

 

You need to talk to this person, get things out in the open, if you want any success with them living with you.

Since you can precisely pinpoint when the lack of affection/romance began (living together), start there and examine if things have gotten complacent, lazy or if unspoken resentments regarding living together are cropping up. How long were you seeing each other before the move in?

 

Is it your place and she's a tenant? Is that in writing? Are the finances/chores, etc fair? Are you sure? Start with the living situation...go from there. Are you dragging baggage around and playing a defensive game?

I recently had my significant other move in, prior to them moving in everything was great, we would talk, laugh, have a good time. But as soon as they moved in they changed, a bit distant, doesn't talk as much, definitely doesn't joke around like we used to.

First off long time lurker, first time poster. I'm anonymous due to I'm a fairly private individual, I'll attempt to remain as so, no hard feelings I just don't trust the internet too well. Anyways to the meat and potatoes of this situation, I recently had my significant other move in, prior to them moving in everything was great, we would talk, laugh, have a good time. But as soon as they moved in they changed, a bit distant, doesn't talk as much, definitely doesn't joke around like we used to. I'm not sure what to do or how to take it. I got out of a really crummy relationship prior to meeting this individual and have been very apprehensive about having someone else here since that, and the sudden change definitely doesn't exactly gain any confidence. Any advice is good, just know I genuinely love this person and hope our future is very long term.

 

I'm honestly kinda surprised how often I say "your emotional baggage is not the responsibility of your current partner" I feel like I say it to the surprise of the poster because its often worded, "Ive already been in an abusive relationship so I don't deserve this" or " Im cautious and untrusting because of my past" that is literally an issue that should have been dealt with before dating. Mainly because if you date without facing these issues, anxiety, insecurities, fear and more just come bubbling up.

Consider asking partner to take a walk with you. It's a side-by-side way to talk that's non-confrontational. Along your walk you can raise that you miss your times together of laughing and joking and affection, and you wonder why that's changed. You've been feeling a bit closed out and uncomfortable lately, and you wonder if partner has felt this way, too. Then listen to the response. If it's a punt to 'fine and nothing wrong...' I'd go quiet for a while and allow for anything else to come up. If partner still won't budge, I'd say that things haven't felt fine with you, and you're wondering what you can do to make things better.

 

See where this gets you.