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Thread: I'm an interested woman: how to put this off the ground

  1. #1
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    I'm an interested woman: how to put this off the ground

    Hello!
    What I'm writing is about an attraction that has some months that has happened. As I found this guy very very closed to the type I would love to be with, very intelligent, respectful, nice, in peace with himself, but a bit shy though, I don't want to let it go.
    We attended the same course months ago and I cannot explain how but I am sure I feel it there was a kind of attraction between us.
    Anyway, he never asked me out, reasons may be different ones: he is shy, I didnt speak very very well his language(german), we were so busy with the course etc. Buut sometimes, we could walk home together from course since we lived closed.
    I underdtood that I wanted more time to spend with him, but didnt know how. Was confusef because of not speaking very well the language, but sometimes he could give me hints like asking what I was going to do, what movies music I like, if I would go to the cinema, if i had seen that movie, that basketball game(he was very fond of it), also he remembered detsils of what i said last time(important), etc.
    Practically i felt like we were going out when walking home, even though not that often(he used to work afterwards the otger days).
    I forgot the pther side of the story: I am a wonderful person to talk about things, but a bit nervous/shy/cold until I feel comfortable. I never take risks approaching first.
    The course came to an end, right? And we didnt have the possibility to say goodbye or smth else. At this point I felt dissapointed that he never asked me out. Maybe I thought he isnt interested. It hurt a bit(you rarely find people with whom you have thst much to share with even though you may have the pressure of not expressing yourself very well since i didnt speak perfectly german/communication is very important). So dissapointed... but found the way to move on.

    After 2 months I had a promotion at work, and I dont know how but probably because he knows people from that organisation he knew it. I didnt know that he was aware of my promotion until I saw a message where he congratulated me. Buut dissapointed from first time, I just thanked him very much and thats all. I didnt continue conversation. Maybe that was wrong but I thought that wouldnt get me anywhere, maybe that was just a congratulations honest message
    without the intention of pushing thibgs forward. So with this logic, i decided to do the minimum in order to not get dissapointed again, even though it hurt.
    Buut I decided instead to send him a wishing message for an important celebration we had some days later. Soo I let the ball in his court this way.
    Or I thought so... after one week we again had in our country another important celebration. That day I saw a wishing message from him. It made me happy, but again nothing happened....
    Now we have some months without contacting each other, and I have this strong beleif that both of us need some pushings. We dont ask other people just casually. I have been thinking about him so much during this time to be honest. And I dont know what the future may bring, but in some months we have an inbviation to my previous organisation, so Im just asking: will we have a chance to improve what we did wrong? Should I still keep hopes smth. may still happen during that meeting or the goose is already cooked? What could you have done differently for things to work?
    Ps. we dont work for same organisation and the course lasted 6 months or more, we got to know each other.
    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You are a grown woman, why didn't you ask him out for coffee? Why didn't you turn the conversations to personal things? The internet has translation sites, if the language was difficult, you could have used that. It's a modern age. We have fought long and hard for equal rights, so there is nothing unusual about a woman putting herself out there and making her interest known to a man. IMO when a man makes an effort to walk with you and message you out of the blue, he is interested...just he won't make a move because you are not giving him any signals.

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You are a grown woman, why didn't you ask him out for coffee? Why didn't you turn the conversations to personal things? The internet has translation sites, if the language was difficult, you could have used that. It's a modern age. We have fought long and hard for equal rights, so there is nothing unusual about a woman putting herself out there and making her interest known to a man. IMO when a man makes an effort to walk with you and message you out of the blue, he is interested...just he won't make a move because you are not giving him any signals.
    You think that he messaged me out of the blue because he was interested and hoping I could ask him out?? C'mon that was just a nice congratulations message as my promotion was important. I have had real: "do you want to go out with me/ I am interested in you" messages from other guys and werent blurred like this one. I was afraid of taking that mich risk in this case. But saddly this is the case that brings me butterflies and hopes for the future. Now you say that I still have any chance in our future meeting, you see his signals as interest?

  4. #4
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Not every guy is the same. Some guys hold their emotions very close to their chest. I'm usually pretty good at getting a vibe on what a guy is thinking. Guys don't go out of their way to walk and talk with you, and find out more about you for nothing IMO. He may have found your promotion was an opportunity to contact you again, to make sure you don't forget about him. It's possible he finds you intimidating, and doesn't know if he should take the risk...so here you both are in this Mexican stand off. So far you have only been professional, and not let your guard down. So what is a guy supposed to think? I know what I would have done. I would have tried to find the opportunity to dress a little more feminine, a softer look to show this isn't about business. Smile a lot, joke around, laugh, pull the hair behind the ear and all that light body language. Then make a simple suggestion to grab a drink later. That's not putting yourself out there too much is it?

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I would have tried to find the opportunity to dress a little more feminine, a softer look to show this isn't about business. Smile a lot, joke around, laugh, pull the hair behind the ear and all that light body language. Then make a simple suggestion to grab a drink later. That's not putting yourself out there too much is it?
    Right, but after all that time I am afraid his personal situation may have changed and i won't know.

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    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    That would be discovered in conversation..."How are you? So what's new and exciting in your life?"

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    That would be discovered in conversation..."How are you? So what's new and exciting in your life?"
    Probably it may be as a reason of how I treat him, I treat him as very professional, like I am scared to flirt, attract, but he never made me compliments, tell me nice words etc. How am I supposed to take giant steps like the one of asking out? On the other hand, I would call it special if a guy wishes "happy new year" around the midnight, right??? What do you think? I am not sure. I have these mixed signals.

  9. #8
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Think about it....he wasn't getting any signals at all from you. New years was his reach out (his signal), and timing is everything right? The ball was left in your court and you didn't play it. What's a guy to think now? That's why I say just reach out to say hello and get the conversation started before you meet up again. Remember not all men have game or confidence...especially when he's not getting any reaction from you.


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