Getting my best friend out of a toxic relationship

Okay so it all started about 2 weeks ago when this guy decided he was going to make an argument about every little thing possible.

They have been like this everyday and he always finds something to get pissed about.

A couple nights ago, she was hanging out with me and some of our guy friends. Btw. She has made it very clear to him that they are just guy friends so he said he was okay with it and trusts her. (Unfortunately that’s really not the case).

Anyways, so we were hanging out at one of the hang out spots in our area and he pulls up. My friend gets out to talk to him but stops at a friends vehicle first to say hi because she walked right past it. But as soon as she got to his vehicle afterwards, she started getting screamed at for not coming to his vehicle first.

Then she gets back in the vehicle with us and tells us everything. Then her boyfriend pulls around and backs into another parking spot so he can watch our every move. (this was so uncomfortable).

Then we decided to drive around for a bit because we were bored. He starts following us and tries to chase us down around our area. We were going almost 100 down rural roads trying to lose him. We were all shaking and scared at what he was going to do if he caught us.

After we lost him, he was texting my friend saying all this hurtful stuff that was starting to make her blame herself for everything.

But just wait. That’s not even all of it.

So we eventually go hide out in our friends work shop to avoid going back to the hang out spot. Then we get dropped off at home but we ran to the backyard because we didn’t think we could open the front door fast enough.

My friend parked away from the house to watch and make sure we were safe. We got in my vehicle to drive to my house where we were about to leave afterwards and saw him drive past my house like 6 times. He was literally stalking us! He wouldn’t leave us alone.

So we got our friend to drive us back to her house and we finally got inside safe.

Then he calls her and says things along the lines of “what are you doing? Why aren’t you answering my texts?! You can’t hang with these people”

Overall, he is very controlling and possessive. Whenever she’s with me, she gets in trouble. He yells at her and tells her things that brings her self confidence down to the ground.

As her best friend, is it my job to interfere with what she does now? Or do I let her figure things out by herself..?

I’m very worried and in need of assistance.

Any thoughts??

How old are you two? and how old is he? Where did she meet him? Does he have a criminal record? Have you done a background check? How long have they been seeing each other? were you aware there are anit-stalking laws? Has the police been notified?

How old are you two? and how old is he? Where did she meet him? Does he have a criminal record? Have you done a background check? How long have they been seeing each other?

We are both 19 and he’s 20. They met through mutual friends. I am unaware if she has done a background check or not but they have only been dating for like 4 months. The police have not been notified because this was the first event to occur with stalking.

Why does she put up with this? Have you asked her?

Do some digging and see what you can find. I'm sure he's had a few complaints for this sort of behavior, maybe even a restraining order. Talk to these friends as well, and see what's up. Get more proof on how dangerous this guy is and present it to your friend. Just talk, and see what she says. She might be too afraid to do anything. From now on record every detail, video anything you can of him chasing you, arguing with her etc. Gather up that evidence for if and when the time come she can use it to protect herself.

Why does she put up with this? Have you asked her?

She tells me that she loves him but I don’t believe it. She also had said that she can’t see her life without him.

Do some digging and see what you can find. I'm sure he's had a few complaints for this sort of behavior, maybe even a restraining order. Talk to these friends as well, and see what's up. Get more proof on how dangerous this guy is and present it to your friend. Just talk, and see what she says. She might be too afraid to do anything. From now on record every detail, video anything you can of him chasing you, arguing with her etc. Gather up that evidence for if and when the time come she can use it to protect herself.

Okay thank you very much. I appreciate it a lot.

Be smart. Call the police if you are being stalked, chased, etc. Or simply pull into a public area, store, etc. and call the police. Don't play games with your or her life. Right now you are making matters worse and she is not ready to break up yet, which ultimately is the only solution.

In the meantime send her articles on teen dating violence and controlling abusive relationships.https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Fviolenceprevention%2Fintimatepartnerviolence%2Fteen-dating-violence.html

He starts following us and tries to chase us down around our area. We were going almost 100 down rural roads trying to lose him. We were all shaking and scared at what he was going to do if he caught us.

Be smart. Call the police if you are being stalked, chased, etc. Or simply pull into a public area, store, etc. and call the police. Don't play games with your or her life. In the meantime send her articles on teen dating violence and controlling abusive relationships. Right now you are making matters worse and she is not ready to break up yet, which ultimately is the only solution.

I’m not playing games with our lives. I have told her multiple times that this is not a healthy relationship. There have been other people who have told her as well but I guess she may need to figure this one out on her own. Thank you for your feedback.

She tells me that she loves him but I don’t believe it. She also had said that she can’t see her life without him.

I have been down this road too. She feels special that he acts this crazy for her. She thinks his jealous behavior is love and protection, but in reality, it's control and possessiveness. It's a tough spell to break. You are just going to have to point everything out. Tell her with abusers it's all about control. They start with separating them from friends and family to avoid any outside influences or support. This is very key to what is going on. He doesn't want her to have friends, doesn't want her to have freedom, think for herself, he wants total control over her. He's already starting the process. She's in a very dangerous situation because once she is isolated, that's when the violence starts. He's gonna start slapping her around to keep her in line...it's just a matter of time. After you talk to her, give her the number to the women's abuse hotline, so if she feels herself in danger and can't get out she has help.

I’m not playing games with our lives. I have told her multiple times that this is not a healthy relationship. There have been other people who have told her as well but I guess she may need to figure this one out on her own. . Thank you for your feedback.

You mean like after he gets so out of control he throws acid in her face disfiguring her for life? Or something equally egregious?

You're young so may not be aware but it's a true story. Young woman dating a guy very similar to your friend's, started verbally abusing, controlling, possessive, stalking ended up throwing sulphuric acid on her face, disfiguring her for life.

Google it. There have been many stories like this.

Her choice I guess, if she were smart she'd leave now before he gets physical. Abuse like this always escalates.

Educate yourselves!!

You mean like after he gets so out of control he throws acid in her face disfiguring her for life? Or something equally egregious?

 

You're young so may not be aware but it's a true story. Young woman dating a guy very similar to your friend's, started verbally abusing, controlling, possessive, stalking ended up throwing sulphuric acid on her face, disfiguring her for life.

 

Google it. There have been many stories like this.

 

Her choice I guess, if she were smart she'd leave now before he gets physical. Abuse like this always escalates.

 

Educate yourselves!!

Oh my goodness. I was not aware of this. Thank you and I’ll be sure to keep her informed.

I have been down this road too. She feels special that he acts this crazy for her. She thinks his jealous behavior is love and protection, but in reality, it's control and possessiveness. It's a tough spell to break. You are just going to have to point everything out. Tell her with abusers it's all about control. They start with separating them from friends and family to avoid any outside influences or support. This is very key to what is going on. He doesn't want her to have friends, doesn't want her to have freedom, think for herself, he wants total control over her. He's already starting the process. She's in a very dangerous situation because once she is isolated, that's when the violence starts. He's gonna start slapping her around to keep her in line...it's just a matter of time. After you talk to her, give her the number to the women's abuse hotline, so if she feels herself in danger and can't get out she has help.

I have been starting to gradually tell her about what’s going to happen in the long run and what abuser’s are there to do. I have told her that he is beginning to control her and everything in her life. She’s not able to do anything which sucks. Every time she is with me she gets guilt tripped into thinking she should be with him instead of me at that moment. Thank you again for your input and I will gradually keep letting her know.

Oh my goodness. I was not aware of this. Thank you and I’ll be sure to keep her informed.

Google the story(ies) and print, give to her to read. Along with the pics of the aftermath.

Ask her if she wants to take that risk, this guy sounds completely psycho!

Also what Wiseman posted, research all you can on abuse,. How it starts, how it escalates.

Research it together! While at yours or hers one night.

You are a good friend, for caring so much!

I have been starting to gradually tell her about what’s going to happen in the long run and what abuser’s are there to do. I have told her that he is beginning to control her and everything in her life. She’s not able to do anything which sucks. Every time she is with me she gets guilt tripped into thinking she should be with him instead of me at that moment. Thank you again for your input and I will gradually keep letting her know.

I wish I had a friend like you! I was only 15 and didn't know too much about what abuse was and how it worked. I learned the hard way...it took me two years to get out of it on my own. I missed a lot in those two years of being with him.

Google the story(ies) and print, give to her to read. Along with the pics of the aftermath.

 

Ask her if she wants to take that risk, this guy sounds completely psycho!

 

Also what Wiseman posted, research all you can on abuse,. How it starts, how it escalates.

 

Research it together! While at yours or hers one night.

 

You are a good friend, for caring so much!

Thank you! That really means a lot. I’m so worried about her and only want what’s best for her! Thanks for all your help!! I’m really considering using some of this!

I wish I had a friend like you! I was only 15 and didn't know too much about what abuse was and how it worked. I learned the hard way...it took me two years to get out of it on my own. I missed a lot in those two years of being with him.

I’m very very sorry that happened to you! I just don’t want her to find out that way. She’s such a down to earth, sweet person that he tends to take advantage of.

I’m very very sorry that happened to you! I just don’t want her to find out that way. She’s such a down to earth, sweet person that he tends to take advantage of.

Just stick with her, don't give up! Just please be aware of what danger you could be putting yourself in. Try not to look like the enemy. If you try too hard, she's going to tell him about it....and that's a whole lot of trouble coming your way.

How old is he?

he's 20 and she is 19.

he's 20 and she is 19.

Thanks....

Just stick with her, don't give up! Just please be aware of what danger you could be putting yourself in. Try not to look like the enemy. If you try too hard, she's going to tell him about it....and that's a whole lot of trouble coming your way.

No no, that makes total sense. Thank you for your concerns. I’ll be sure to keep my guard up when I tell her certain things.