Am i overthinking about this guy ?

My male coworker work in different office. We work on the same project together. Here is our conversation. I was on vacation while he visited my office.

Him: how was yor vacation?

me : good. Cold weather etc.

him : so, we haven’t had a chance to see each other last week

me: right, but you will come to my office often.

him: I don’t think i will visit your office for a while. Will you visit my office for the meeting next month.

me: no

him: do you want any snack from here I can ask your coworker to bring it

me: thanks , but that’s ok. I didn’t need anything

him: Finally ask me to help his work.. lol.. he is my superior and I have helped with his work a lot in the past

is this a friendly chat or is he interested? Maybe i’m overthinking

We'll probably never know because, assuming you're hoping he's interested, you are God awful at providing cues. Even as someone who pretty much abhors text conversations, that's pretty bad. But it's probably for the better given you're coworkers who work together somewhat regularly, even if not based in the same office. Though if you were trying to rebuff any potential advance, you did a good job.

Agreed ^. Every message you sent is shutting any further conversation down. You sound so disinterested and so dismissive of him

@j.man @mustlovedogs Thanks for the reply. I didn’t realize that i was rude to him. What should i do to find out if there is interested?

Ask him questions in return... go flirt... when he offers snacks, say thank you and accept them

Thanks for the advice.I will try. I noticed him staring at me once. When i looked back at him, he kept staring without smiling. I was theone who turn away first. The other time I talked withhim face to face about work, we kept staring for another 2-3 seconds longer without saying anything. That’s awkward for me. He is a friendly guy in general.

If you are interested in him then act interested. Ask appropriate follow up questions. Show interest in what he is talking about.

 

I didn’t realize that i was rude to him.

I'm a bit baffled as to how you didn't realize you were rude, and apathetic.

him : so, we haven’t had a chance to see each other last week

me: right, but you will come to my office often.

him: I don’t think i will visit your office for a while. Will you visit my office for the meeting next month.

me: no

Just out of curiosity, what would you call your responses above?

What would you think if the tables were turned and a guy responded to you that way?

I'm just saying this so going forward you will be more aware of how your responses and actions come across to the other person.

In this case, you displayed total apathy and as MLD said, dismissiveness.

When you like a guy, try to be more open, enthusiastic, and engaging.

You can fix this!

Unfortunately you sound rather cold, distance and almost impolite to him. Do you wish to push him away? What is it you wish to happen? Wondering if he is coming onto you? A dating situation?

My male coworker work in different office. We work on the same project together. Here is our conversation. I was on vacation while he visited my office.

 

Him: how was yor vacation?

me : good. Cold weather etc.

him : so, we haven’t had a chance to see each other last week

me: right, but you will come to my office often.

him: I don’t think i will visit your office for a while. Will you visit my office for the meeting next month.

me: no

him: do you want any snack from here I can ask your coworker to bring it

me: thanks , but that’s ok. I didn’t need anything

him: Finally ask me to help his work.. lol.. he is my superior and I have helped with his work a lot in the past

 

is this a friendly chat or is he interested? Maybe i’m overthinking

Yes, i’m wondering if he started coming on to me ? I don’t know how to react.

Yes, i’m wondering if he started coming on to me ? I don’t know how to react.

I don't think it matters if he was flirting or not. If you are interested in getting to know him better, your responses showed him the opposite.

Act professional and keep it impersonal as you have been. That will send the message that you are there to work, not flirt/date.

Yes, i’m wondering if he started coming on to me ? I don’t know how to react.

Do you think he is flirting ?

First decide if you want him to be

Do you think he is flirting ?

What do you mean ? Is this normal for guy say this to friend / coworker ? I kinda like him.

Then it's not workplace sexual harassment, but rather you have a crush and hope his actions indicate an interest in you.

I kinda like him.

So , he is not flirting. I’m overthinking then ..

He might be - but why do you care -for your ego? You want to know your coworker thinks you're attractive? Here's the thing- even if he was, you shut that down with your responses. If you'd like to get to know him better and see potential for going on a date at this point you're going to have to be proactive about initiating a back and forth friendly conversation.

Thanks. It’s not for my ego.I’m just shy and nervous..

Thanks. It’s not for my ego.I’m just shy and nervous..

Your responses to me did not come across as shy -maybe partly -they came across as cold and disinterested. Shy doesn't have to mean responding in that way - so it's fine to be "shy" even when typing on a screen but perhaps try to think about the other person and how he might feel if he acts in a friendly way and gets rebuffed, more than once.

My husband was extremely shy when we first met many years ago -took him a lot of courage to ask me out for lunch -back then no internet, no cell, no texting -and we worked at the same company. But because he was interested in me as a person he chose getting to know me over giving in to shyness. If you want to get to know this person, contact him and start a conversation and if he is responsive (he might not be since you were unfriendly last time) then see if he wants to continue the conversation over coffee or a walk during lunch, etc.

I believe I asked before, but OP read your text exchange again and ask yourself how you would think, feel, if he had responded to you that way.

Would your first thought be he's shy? Or just not interested?

If roles were flipped, and I received those responses, I would not think it's shyness, but definite disinterst/apathy.