Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Just ended things with ex bf turned fwb and cannot take the pain

  1. #1

    Just ended things with ex bf turned fwb and cannot take the pain

    Hello I previously posted on this forum about emotional troubles about my ex boyfriend who I ended up being friends with benefits with.

    I just ended things with him yesterday and I told him in real life that I couldnít bear to continue this anymore because it was harming my mental health. After I told him he didnít say anything and we went to sleep, and today after I woke up I left but after that I texted him to remind him of what I said and to justify about how I feel, and he said it was alright with no qualms at all.

    I was very bothered by how dismissive he was about everything and questioned if he really did like me or not. I feel like he did, and he was a wonderful and kind boyfriend but I was just too emotionally invested and intense and he couldnít take it.

    I am very sad now, because summer break is coming and I will have nobody to spend it with. Iím also very sad now because I miss him very much and I donít think Iím going to see him for a long time. We are still contactable, just that we wonít talk to each other anymore.

    I canít bear to watch any shows because I used to watch shows with him and all the shows would just remind me of him. I donít feel motivated to do anything during the summer because Iím just so sad about losing him. As I write this Iím in tears. i really did love him so much but I just wasnít good enough for him, and weíd never be together again.

    My friends recommended going on dating apps and Iíve tried but I just donít have the same chemistry as I did with him.

    Iím going to see my therapist on monday to talk things out, but in the meantime I canít even sleep or eat because I get anxiety thinking about losing him, I feel so alone in my dorm in university, and I miss him so much. I donít know how I am going to cope.

    Thank you all so much for reading

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,420
    You started off as fwbís.
    And you ended the fwb arrangement.

    Thatís why there was no love lost.
    There was none to begin with.

    As I said in your previous post , you were happy to hang with him indoors from the get go thinking that was some compatibility between you. It wasnít.

    You need to get on top of your anxiety that prevents you from getting out and dating rather than allowing someone to enable your anxiety by staying indoors.

    Iím glad you are seeking help!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,357
    I strongly suggest that you not do anymore FWBs. Why would you do this after you split? Was this your way of holding on to him?

    I'm sorry, but he does not have any more feelings, this is why it went to FWB. You need to move on. No contact.

    Of course, you have people to spend the summer with: your friends. Why do you have to attach yourself to a guy? Be more independent and explore new hobbies. Get outside, and out of the house.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-04-2019 at 10:35 AM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,357
    Are you on meds for depression?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,053
    Don't you have plans with friends and family during summer break?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,697
    Gender
    Female
    You are going to be fine in time and with the help and guidance of your therapist. Currently you are going through withdrawl pains from no longer having someone in your life that has been there habitually. Cold turkey, zero contact rehabbing from him will help you to get to the blissful stage of indifference to him.

    Don't try dating right now, you may miss out on a good prospect who you can't feel the chemistry with right now because your mind is with your ex. wait until you are closer to the indifference stage before trying to date.

    keep busy with friends and family (don't isolate yourself), start a new hobby, joint a gym, start jogging even... make your single life full and happy and you'll be feeling better far more quickly and you'll have made a life for yourself that a boyfriend will just add to. When you make someone your whole life, you're not living a full life.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,494
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You are going to be fine in time and with the help and guidance of your therapist. Currently you are going through withdrawl pains from no longer having someone in your life that has been there habitually. Cold turkey, zero contact rehabbing from him will help you to get to the blissful stage of indifference to him.

    Don't try dating right now, you may miss out on a good prospect who you can't feel the chemistry with right now because your mind is with your ex. wait until you are closer to the indifference stage before trying to date.

    keep busy with friends and family (don't isolate yourself), start a new hobby, joint a gym, start jogging even... make your single life full and happy and you'll be feeling better far more quickly and you'll have made a life for yourself that a boyfriend will just add to. When you make someone your whole life, you're not living a full life.
    I agree with this.

    He called your bluff.

    It looks like you thought he would fight you walking away, evidenced by staying with him over night after 'breaking up' and then breaking up again over text, its like 'Im angry and hurt pay attention!' but that doesnt work on people who didnt care to begin with.

    You deserve better, work through these withdrawl symptoms, you'll come out the other end.

    But please for the love of all that is holy DO NOT contact him.

    Im sure, no positive, he believes he has you smitten and you'll break and he will have his toy back, youre better than that, dont do it, stick to your guns.

    Newly single over the summer...trust me the world is your oyster right now. But you dont see that because youre hyper focused on proving yourself to a man who has shown he doesnt care.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,832
    Gender
    Male
    Good you ended it. Indifference is what FWB is all about. No strings. Stop communicating with him. Get on some dating apps and determine who wants what you want.
    Originally Posted by lovely2131
    I just ended things with him yesterday and I told him in real life that I couldnít bear to continue this anymore because it was harming my mental health. After I told him he didnít say anything and we went to sleep, and today after I woke up I left but after that I texted him to remind him of what I said and to justify about how I feel, and he said it was alright with no qualms at all.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •