Difficult spot and no idea whats going on

Well didn't expect myself to register to a forum to get advice from people I don't know. Usually I am able to tell right of the bat if my ex is interested in me or not. Well I never had an ex, which didn't want to get back together, and it ended with me blowing them off (yes I am the dumpee in these cases, although I don't think this always plays a huge role).

So the ex I wanted to get back together with, lets call her Katrine, decided to dump me after I came back from a trip with friends. I will be honest, I thought several times of ending it myself, but in the end decided to try and make it work. Our distance in the relationship started with her jealousy resulting in her actually kissing a guy and telling me right away about it in tears, which kind of pushed me away and got me cold at times. This got her even more hurt emotionally and at times I just refused to talk to her or do stuff with her. I loved her, she loved me. We had a great time before that. Lets also mention I was her first real boyfriend and well also her first in bed. She ended it after she couldn't 'handle the emotional pain. She was saying she was crying at her best friend each time we had fight or when I just distanced myself, and her friend told her just to end it. She did.

Well at first I was kind of shocked and simply asked if she is sure and if we should just set the past a side and try. She said no and well I didn't talk to her for a month. I got weak and did the pleading, the begging. We still saw each other at our main bar, we didn't even say hello to each other. Well she said during my begging that we can remain friends and well we started saying hello again, emotionless and kind of forced on her side, but that was it. In the end I just said well if you feel uncomfortable why do we even bother saying hello and that derailed into a fight, me saying that we hardly even saw each other during the relationship and that her sexual and relational inexperience was often a big annoyance for me. I absolutely regretted saying that. She was blaming that i didn't see her as anything special and that she was just one of many girls i been with. I just stopped replying, because I saw it was leading nowhere. At this point I decided to date again, because I can't move mountains and change peoples opinion. I had met a stunning intelligent girl (lets call her Elise) 2 months before, which I actually rejected because I was still hungup on my ex Katrine. Elise contacted me a week after the last fallout with Katrine and well we started dating.

Yet things got awkward after that. Katrine still stands with her friends like back to back with me and is silent, while her friends look at me with a cold face. Katrine went to a small bar I usually get a drink after work. (this bar is where we had our first kiss and she knows when I am there), I saw her from the window and she didn't see me and I just avoided the place. Katrine went to the same new Years event as me this year and well things got completely out of hand. I was there with my friends, Elise came as well later on, and I had this situation where both were there. I was distant with Elise, and katrine was giving me angry looks. I went over to Katrine to wish her happy new year and if she wants to talk, we can talk. She was drunk and said okay whatever, and saying that I didn't want to be friends with her. Well we went somewhere quiet talked and she was pissed shouted at me and well saying that she wants to go have fun and why I even bother. She left, went to kiss some random dude and well that was that. She blocked me on everything. (I had unfriended her though before that, because just found it awkward her seeing my stories each time as the first person). I stopped from then on, and focused on Elise.

I am now together with Elise for 5 months now. It has developed into a long distance relationship and no idea if she can move back. (I am trying to visit her once a month) . Meanwhile, Katrin noticed that I am dating someone else, tried the same trick kissing another guy while opening her eyes and looking at me... I got a fake instagram accounts from trying to follow me (oh they are blatant obvious, pictures from her friends holidays and the friendslist is just a copypaste from hers). Her friends watch every move I do, when they see me. She still tries to come to the usual places I go to, standing awkwardly close, giving me mean looks all night. Elise noticed this twice and turned around telling her to move on. I just try not to show any reactions, because don't really see the point.

Now how do I handle the situation with Katrine. I know personally that I still feel drawn to her. I know I got a much better relationship with Elise, I just don't feel that spark than with Katrine. My friends would think I am crazy, due to Elise being a lot more attractive, intelligent and extremely sociable character. Nobody liked Katrine...

Anybody went through something similar? Is Katrine just baiting a reaction? She hasn't directly contacted me and personally I don't know how I would or should react with everything that has happened. I feel, at one point one of us will boil to a certain point and there will be reaction from either one of us. (Well I haven't seen her for almost two months now, and I heard she is lurking around my friends at events, where I usually am).

Sounds to me buddy that you are in a good, healthy relationship with a wonderful woman. Since you have found this I suggest you keep this. That being said, you should distance yourself from Katrine. Going to the same bar, same events as her will eventually only cause strain in your current relationship. Your focus should lo longer be on Katrine. If things end up not working out with Elise, then maybe you can try to respark something with Katrine. But, for now you should focus 100% on your current girlfriend. She is the one you are in a relationship with and she is the one that is with you and wants to be with you. You said "I just don't feel the spark than with Katrine". Maybe this is because you are still drawn to Katrine, and if you separate that relationship with her, maybe you will be able to create the spark with Elise that she deserves. Let go, brother. Focus on Elise.

If you don't feel the spark with Elise, cut her loose. You're wasting her time and you're wasting your time. Don't date Katrine either. She is clearly uncomfortable with your past or you as a person. You're both not on the same wavelength. It doesn't sound to me like either of these women are a good fit for you.

Try looking at the type of women you're dating and figure out what you want. You didn't give yourself enough time between relationships either and it's more or less appearing like Elise is a rebound.

You said the distance in your relationship with katrine caused issues yet you frequent the same bars?

Please explain?

Sounds like you try to create distance to me?

I don’t think you want a relationship with either?

Chemistry is an easy thing to have with someone. It's biological. You have to use your brain, however, to see if a person shares your ethics, dating style, life goals if the endgame is longterm, etc.

Whenever she gets upset with you, she kisses another man. Your self esteem has to be in the crapper to want a woman like that back, and you're wearing rose-colored glasses if you think it'll never again happen in the future.

Either you don't feel the spark with the new lady because you don't have closure with the ex, or you simply just don't have chemistry with Elise. She deserves someone who is crazy about her, so let her go. Work on your self esteem so you don't keep choosing inappropriate women. Go no contact with the ex for closure. Learn to enjoy solo time for a while, and maybe after some good time behind you with that, you'll then be ready to date again.

You said the distance in your relationship with katrine caused issues yet you frequent the same bars?

Please explain?

 

Sounds like you try to create distance to me?

I don’t think you want a relationship with either?

I ment by distance with Katrine, emotional distance. Elise is working currently abroad. We see each other once a month. Katrine, we run into each other once a week.

Choice of bars here in the country is not much. I am not going to elaborate to much, but the country is quite small and there is not an abundance of bars, besides the bars in my neighbourhood and Katrine is the one driving 20 minutes to get there.

I tried getting back together with Katrine twice, she went on her tantrums. Its not about me not wanting... I am not going to abandon my whole life waiting on her. Obviously she is conflicted otherwise, I wouldn't be getting this behaviour from her, taunting me each time. This weekend again, stands with her friends right next to me. This isn't a small place, there is enough room in the bar. I even caught her standing on one leg, her trying to see where I am, when I left and moved somewhere else, because it was just so awkward.

Chemistry is an easy thing to have with someone. It's biological. You have to use your brain, however, to see if a person shares your ethics, dating style, life goals if the endgame is longterm, etc.

 

Whenever she gets upset with you, she kisses another man. Your self esteem has to be in the crapper to want a woman like that back, and you're wearing rose-colored glasses if you think it'll never again happen in the future.

 

Either you don't feel the spark with the new lady because you don't have closure with the ex, or you simply just don't have chemistry with Elise. She deserves someone who is crazy about her, so let her go. Work on your self esteem so you don't keep choosing inappropriate women. Go no contact with the ex for closure. Learn to enjoy solo time for a while, and maybe after some good time behind you with that, you'll then be ready to date again.

Sure, maybe you are right about kissing another guy, but I am the one who "moved on" first. I mean, I am with Elise and she is with nobody. And I am happy with Elise, its just she is abroad and I am not sure if this heading anywhere. Things were different when she was here.

You and katrine are using other people in your head games to make each other jealous. If you want to continue to play on/off games with katrine, at least stop stringing other innocent people along. The long distance girl will find someone local sooner or later and you'll still be stuck playing games with katrine. Unless of course you stop the nonsense, get rid of both these girls and start meeting and dating local girls who are interested in dating you exclusively.

You and katrine are using other people in your head games to make each other jealous. If you want to continue to play on/off games with katrine, at least stop stringing other innocent people along. The long distance girl will find someone local sooner or later and you'll still be stuck playing games with katrine. Unless of course you stop the nonsense, get rid of both these girls and start meeting and dating local girls who are interested in dating you exclusively.

Elise was a local girl dating me exclusively. She is working now for a year abroad and is coming back(maybe). I had long distance relationships, I know how they end and the effort it takes to keep them going. Sure I still got lingering feelings for Katrine, I just don't know how to handle the situation? I am not playing any games, not giving Katrine any reaction whatsoever, I haven't been in contact with her for 5 months and counting. No hellos, I avoid eyecontact when we see each other(almost every week). I am just wondering why a girl who dumped me, didnt want to get back together is trying to get my attention like this?