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Thread: facebook fundraisers

  1. #1
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    facebook fundraisers

    More of a debate than anything.
    To those who use FB, how do you feel about all the fundraiser requests?

    I have an acquaintance, a friend of friend if you will, battling cancer. She has a teenage daughter and recently changed insurance mid treatment to be able access better physicians and more current options.

    She has a FB fundraiser page, I admit I am a tad preoccupied with. Not proud of it, but true.
    She uses a photo filter to alter her appearance. It's so obvious and over the top, she looks like a cartoon character. A Barbie Doll.

    Her first fundraiser ended after 90 days, warranting 20k and after a couple days she started a new one. My heart aches for her and her daughter but at the same time I am troubled by the attention she gets. 90% are a fan club of men from around the world, upwards in the 1000's, responding to the daily altered pictures, telling her how beautiful she is. But, basically it is not her. I know what she looks like in RL and this isn't remotely close.

    Her cancer is terminal. There is no cure, just measures to prolong her life. I can not imagine. I also can't imagine the preoccupation with her image at this point in her life. As if there aren't more important things to focus on?

    I will say, it works. She gets the attention and the money she is seeking. I have to ask myself if were in her place, would I do whatever it takes? I think not. I just couldn't.

    Along with all the comments about how beautiful she is, there is very little or no acknowledgment from these men about her real struggle. She hasn't gone without criticism. There is the minority that accuse her of being a troll taking advantage of the situation. Why welcome that kind of stress when you are fighting for your life? Seriously.

    I know most will respond, telling me to mind my own business, acknowledge my own preoccupation and get a life of my own. I know!! You don't need to tell me what I already know. It just grates on me some. I suppose I should just block her but at the same time, I keep wondering what it must be like and hope she's o.k.

    What's the saying? ~For the grace of God go I.

    Anyone of us can be in her shoes - in a heartbeat. What would you do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    It’s no different than a waitress wearing a shirt that makes her look good in the hopes of getting tips.

    She’s dying. She obviously is a single mom, right? So what’s the harm in attention? In money? She’s not forcing anyone to donate.

    Lipstick hides your real lip color. Mascara makes your eyes look more open. Digital filters smooth your skin. No different.

    She’s not cat fishing for dates, she’s dying.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    . . but if the men aren't giving her money because she is dying?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    . . but if the men aren't giving her money because she is dying?
    Is she putting up the fundraiser for her illness or for something else?

    Are they donating through the fundraiser page?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo, there is no right or wrong way to deal with death. Your personal view is right for you. What she is doing feels right to her. I can't begin to imagine what dying from cancer feels like. Her behaviour could be some version of the denial/bargaining stages of dying. It may be that she is trying to hold on to what she is bound to loose. Her body is deteriorating. Trying to hold on to it, even through illusions, may be a plausible explanation even though not all people would react this way.

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    I cannot believe unless she has had media attention how she could generate that much. She does know she will have to pay taxes on it unless a trust of some sort has been set up, the money is going through a nonprofit, etc, or people are anonymously paying directly to the physicians, but don't quote me on the last one. It will leave a large burden for her daughter depending on how this was done. I thought all facebook fundraisers had to have money going to a nonprofit, unless she is instructing people to just send direct??

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    What's the saying? ~For the grace of God go I.
    Anyone of us can be in her shoes - in a heartbeat. What would you do?
    I'd let it go. I am a huge believer in "you reap what you sow". Plus, when others do stuff that irks, I've got two choices: I can remain annoyed which doesn't benefit me at all whatsoever or I can let it go. Stuff like that isn't worth fretting about.

    This might be her way of dealing with death as Clio suggested. I honestly don't know. But what I do know, your friend is not only battling with cancer but raising a teenage daughter at the same time. That must be tough!

    What I also know, reinventmyself, you have a great heart. You truly care about others as you demonstrate time and time again by helping folks here. Just be your loving self, I'm sure she'll appreciate that.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Reading your original post and not the ensuing comments, and this is my thought: I get it - I get why it irks you that she is objectifying herself to raise money, thereby taking advantage of the thousands of men willing to appreciate the images she provides, and perpetuating the practice of objectification and the gender gap. And diminishing our humanity along the way.

    It also strikes me that it isn't herself, as you say, and that it irks her too, and maybe in several ways. To raise cash she couldnt use her real image; it wasnt attractive enough -- that's a reality check that she may have dismissed early on but a blow to the ego nonetheless. On the other hand, the images are not her, due to their alterations. That may give her some welcome distance from the fb images.

    So - not to judge just because why judge anyone much less her desperate Hail Mary effort to support her kids post-mortem - as you know. More, it strikes me that you and she may have similar perspectives.

    Also, it struck me first and stays with me the longest: How sad that our support system leaves her wanting, such that earning this cash is necessary / important. Wherever she is, we've goofed this up. Would that she were comfortable and knew her kids would be too.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    No one holds a gun to these guys heads to donate. Let her die in her peace.

  11. #10
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    Friend of a friend -so you are sure the story is true? If it is I agree with the others. I never donate anything to the fundraisers for a practical reason -when I did once (for Hurricane Harvey?) it seemed to access my credit card number on my Facebook page and set up something I didn't want there- a mess basically -so what I do is message the person and ask how to donate through a nonprofit site off Facebook -IF I choose to. And the IF is huge -I have to know the person or know the person whose friend it is very well. And believe that the $ will be used for the intended purpose.

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