Originally Posted by DancingFool
A very old fashioned term comes to mind - malingering. When a person exaggerates their illness or pain in order to avoid working and dealing with basic life responsibilities.

4 years is a very long time not to adjust to the new reality of living with the disability and continuing to function, albeit in a new and limited way. A knee injury doesn't prevent him from doing a desk job or if he doesn't have the skills, getting those skills. While you can't expect him to mow the grass, he should be able to make dinner and do some basic clean up around the house, put laundry into the washer, etc.

I am speaking from the perspective of been there done that. I had dislocated my knee, not fun, don't try it at home. Took a couple of years to heal fully. However, as far as injuries go, this is not the kind of injury that leaves you completely disabled and incapable of doing every day life things. Sure, it limits some things, but not working for 4 years? Not excusable. Not contributing to household chores, like cooking or some basic clean up? Not excusable.

What stands out the most out of your post is that you are playing mommy to an adult. Why do you have to sort out his medications? He is an adult. If he needs them, he can figure out how to take them and when. This is a situation where if you care, you need to give him his adult autonomy back - leave him to do things for himself and if he doesn't, leave him to deal with the consequences. Don't complain how you are stressed and then keep changing his diapers. Just stop changing his diapers. Your actions here are more important and quite frankly, most men will only "hear" you when they see your actions. Otherwise...you are just nagging.
Dancing Fool, you nailed it. "Malingering" is a perfect description of this guy