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Thread: Someone else's constant lies.....am I being too sensitive?

  1. #1
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    Someone else's constant lies.....am I being too sensitive?

    And by someone else, I mean my sister.

    She doesn't lie to me, or to anyone else specifically. It's more about the grand lies she tells, to the "world", and I am so sensitive to this, and it p*sses me off royally. But why?

    Big lie: My brother and I went to a particular university. My sister, who is younger than us, did not go there. In fact, she couldn't even apply, as her high school grades + SAT scores were too low to even apply. But to the world, she did go there. And by "world", I mean her social media, LinkedIn, and resume! Oh.....apparently she even out-GPA'd me at her "non-existent" school! She has more school gear (t-shirts, etc.) than we do.

    She's kept up the college lie for so many decades now that her teenage daughters now realize the lie, as they are applying to colleges, but my sister still insists that yes, she did go there. When my mom was alive, my mom helped her keep up the lie, and our father, who is still alive, just doesn't respond about it.

    Newest big lie: She had hiatal hernia surgery and can't get food down, for several months now. She literally only gets a few bites of food at a time; she's maybe eating 1000 calories a day. But she's losing weight, so she doesn't want to ask her doctor about it. So today, she posted a huge Facebook "Before and Now" on how proud she is of her weight loss, and how she's been working "so hard", with about 10 pictures. Her not being able to keep food down is a big secret, as she doesn't tell anybody, so when she can't keep food down, she leaves the room. She's gotten hundreds of "Oh My Gosh, you look fabulous, you go girl!" posts, and she keeps responding with, "Well it's been hard work!" Not a single mention of her surgery, until her daughter finally got fed up and commented about it, and my sister wrote, "oh yes, surgery to repair something, and I've been working so hard!", nothing about the fact that that surgery has closed off access to her stomach, almost like a gastric bypass.

    She's now doing that annoying thing of giving "advice" to everyone on Facebook about how they, too, can lose weight at this age; just takes hard work! (ugh).

    I can't stand that she's getting credit for things she didn't do. She didn't go to college, yet "everyone" thinks she did. She didn't "work out and eat right"; yet everyone thinks she did.

    But....be honest.....this is bugging me so much......am I being too sensitive here? And if so, why? Why does this bug me SO much? (these lies bother her daughters possibly more than me, as they bring them up to me all the time).

  2. #2
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    I think that it is sad that she has to make up all of these lies. It sounds like she has a big problem. Your mother never should have encouraged this behavior. What does her husband say?

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    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I have friends like this, and I had to unfollow them on FB.
    It looks like this is part of her character, so she wont be changing anytime soon.
    Hide her posts so they cant annoy you.

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I think that it is sad that she has to make up all of these lies. It sounds like she has a big problem. Your mother never should have encouraged this behavior. What does her husband say?
    Her husband goes along with the lies. He’s the one who did her resume actually. But her daughters know the truth.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo, people who lie like that have an inferiority complex. If she really felt good about herself, she wouldn't be lying like that. At her age though, she likely won't change. You need to stop wasting so much energy on this. Stop focusing on her so much. That's who she is. Unfollow her if she bothers you so much. Accept it, let go, move your focus elsewhere.

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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Her husband goes along with the lies. He’s the one who did her resume actually. But her daughters know the truth.
    Good grief. What did she say when you confronted her with the lies?

    I agree with the others: unfollow her.

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    When you call her on the lie, she just continues to repeat it.

    I just unfollowed her. But it’s not just a social media issue, as it’s just part of who she is. It’s pathological.

    But I guess I just need to stop letting it get to me, as there is nothing I can do.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    But I guess I just need to stop letting it get to me, as there is nothing I can do.
    Sadly, I think it comes down to this.

    Or, well, maybe allow it to get to you—or just acknowledge that it is a part of your life, like bad traffic, that is just going to frustrate you from time to time.

    A little personal theory: We are all, at all times, kind of inhabiting three selves: our past self, our present self, and our aspirational self. The ideal—the mark of genuine self-possession—is to have the gaps between these selves to be as narrow as possible—so if, say, my aspirational self is that of an aspiring novelist who had a dark chapter it my 20s it means my present self is someone who is working very hard on a novel, not just sitting in bars and talking about the novel I'll write one day while drinking to soften the guilt over whatever I did in my 20s.

    Your sister sounds like someone who failed, long ago, to close those gaps—who chose instead to stuff them with delusions that makes those gaps between past, present, and dreams seem less like chasms and more like cracks. And, as a result, they only became wider. Which is sad. And, to those close to her with a different approach to life, incredibly frustrating.

    And that just sort of...is how it's going to go.

    I could tell you plenty about my father where we could laugh in solidarity. He is, in his own mind, a 29 year old going through a rough patch in his marriage but who loves hanging out with his little boy. In reality he is 60whatever, long married to someone else, a father to another child who is now an adult, and that little boy he loves hanging with is me—an adult he has never known and can't look in the eye because it will shatter his delusions about who he actually is.

    Which, needless to say, frustrates me from time to time. But you learn to live with it—and to laugh, and to be grateful of what you know to be your own truth and your ability to not get too spun around by those who have lost sight of certain truths, even when they share our blood and DNA.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    It seems pathological and yes it might also be very exhausting and anxious inducing to keep all these lies as she probably associates it with her identity and would feel ashamed if people saw her real self. That's sad and not a happy life at all. It's very unlikely she'll change, so you need to learn to ignore it and not be bothered by it.

    Also, don't employers check those things? When I applied to certain jobs I had to show my university certificate documents, but maybe it depends on the field a person works in.

  11. #10
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    Ugh. So sorry and yes for your sake you have to let it go however that looks/whatever that means to you. I too feel badly for her and my guess is her husband is just taking the easy way out. Truly unfair and incredibly irritating -can't even imagine!

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